Maintenance Payments Ending

[Hula0565890]

The spousal and child maintenance payments between me and my ex are due to end in September as per the court order. From Oct all costs of our kids will then be shared evenly between us.

My ex earns at least 3 times the amount I currently do. AIBU to ask if they will be willing to split the costs more than 50/50 in light of this, appreciating this cannot be enforced?

Exactly this. Parents are expected to cover the ‘shortfall’ in student finance.

Student finance is based in the resident parents income.

@HereForTheFreeLunch
Not if parents are divorced. The loan is based on the income of the parent they live with most. If the split is 50/50 then the loan is still based on the income of the parent who supports the application. I have done 3 years of applications for my son in this scenario and the other parent’s income details were not requested.

Once they are 18, it can be between your children and him. Hopefully, they can have that conversation.
The money will go to them if he does continue to help them but I'd also hope that they are helping themselves as well and not counting on 100% support

Would your ex be more amenable to giving money direct to the DC? I'd think about approaching it from that point of view. Say to him - when child support ends on x date, would you prefer to have a discussion with me about how uni support for the DC will work or would you prefer to speak directly to the DC about their needs?

You can't force him to provide anything but approaching it to give him options (both of which imply that he will step up and contribute) might be the way to go

I think it makes sense for your children to ask their Dad for some financial support during university. At 18, I think that the support would go directly to them though.

Just a general comment but I find it impossible to believe that a man earning three times as much as you wouldn't be willing to pay decent money to help his own children. What kind of human being would do that. Whatever kind of man would spend all the money on himself and not his children. You'd really have to be pondlife to do that. Or if they are now adults and couldn't get s job and claimed benefits so that society pays for his children instead of him. Surely that would be a joke. ????

@Daygloboo You’d be surprised. A friend’s ex is constantly trying to wriggle out of CMS for his son, doesn’t pay a penny towards his daughter’s university expenses…yet he himself has a doctorate so clearly values education!

Some people are amazingly self-centered.

If it makes you feel any better, my mum was a relatively 'high earner' back then, my parents were divorced, and I went to uni with the reduced student finance amount and she, nor my dad, ever sent me a penny. I never even thought to ask or expect it. I had a bunch of part time jobs (and full time jobs over summer). It was my choice to go to university, I was the first one in the family and the expectation was that I paid for my own upkeep while I was there. It was sort of seen like a holiday, or something...

Granted, I did get into stripping to bridge the gap. That paid for quite a few actual holidays, too.

Nah, that kind of asshole is depressingly common. I'm surprised you've not heard stories like this before.

Their Dad should be more than happy to pay more towards the living costs of his kids at university!

Its disappointing to read the begrudgery in the replies to the OP.
'I didn't get anything'
'My kids worked'
'Do you work full time and earn as much as possible'
'You've had a good deal'.
'They are adults, let them take loans out'

The children's father, should of course, continue to support the children. What kind of parent would saddle their kids with debt unless there was no other option which doesn't apply in the OP's case as they have a father who earns enough to continue supporting his kid's education.

You can only ask !

Both your teens need to focus on getting summer holiday jobs and saving all they earn. Hopefully they got that organised when their A'levels finished, months ago

Then when they get to uni, they will need part time jobs - look at hospitality etc - to supplement their loans.

I think people are asking if you work full time? Because now the kids are about to be 18 maybe you can up your hours and earning potential?

You can be annoyed if he doesn't give reasonable support to your children of course and you can continue to financially support your children but that's really your only options plenty of people go to university with zero parental financial support myself included so your children need the tools to manage.

I totally agree, especially that OP and her "ex should contribute to the DTs' uni costs in proportion to your incomes".

(Some of the contributions to this thread are dripping with passive aggressiveness. Why, just why...)

Your kids will be adults let them speak to their dad about helping them. Of course any decent parent would help out. He's not obligated. The kids need to get a job to help pay their way.

They can claim student loan for maintenance & check out bursaries, my ds gets full maintenance loan & 2 bursaries which add up to around £16k a year, if you earn less than £25k a year they should get full maintenance loans.

The best chance of success will be the children asking their father directly for financial support for university.

cut yourself out of the loop on this. He is less likely to refuse his kids than you.

Just a general comment but I find it impossible to believe that a man earning three times as much as you wouldn't be willing to pay decent money to help his own children. What kind of human being would do that.

a sizeable proportion of fathers don't pay anything at all towards their offspring. They don't even stick around long enough to see them through primary school let alone university!

the comparison between the OPs income and his isn't relevant. Income isn't fixed and it can change overnight. He's either going to be someone who takes his obligations seriously or he isn't, irrespective of how much he earns.

Do you have anything in your court order? My ex and I agreed he would pay half the costs through uni - well actually the judge told him he had to agree. She's not going to uni atm so he's going to be paying her money so that she can pay me some rent as well as half her phone bill, a contribution to her loan horse and money towards her car when the insurance is up. Neither of us think that now she's got to 18 she will all of a sudden stop costing us money, he's also not going to see her struggle. It can't hurt to ask him.

Of course morally he should support them to a greater degree than you. Buy given the patriarchal and discriminatory system we have where women, children and future generations are somewhat of an afterthought, it’s unlikely he will unless he is a very decent bloke. You could ask him if he can continue to support them with an allowance or towards their housing directly; they could also sit down with him and go through their finances so he can see what they need. It would likely give heard better coming from them I expect!

They need to support themselves like any other university student would do.

Unfortunately if the court states the 50/50 and your ex says no, there is not much you can do.
My sisters court order said that spousal maintenance would stop but that as long as children were in full time education he had to pay an amount per month direct to them. This covered university accommodation.
My two DC cost approx £900 per month (together) for university accommodation so you would have to pay roughly £450 per month plus food etc when they were home. Their student loans paid the rest.