Maintenance Payments Ending

[Hula0565890]

The spousal and child maintenance payments between me and my ex are due to end in September as per the court order. From Oct all costs of our kids will then be shared evenly between us.

My ex earns at least 3 times the amount I currently do. AIBU to ask if they will be willing to split the costs more than 50/50 in light of this, appreciating this cannot be enforced?

Well it was very clear to me that OP earns from a job based on what she wrote.

Surely you must have been preparing for this? If your child is old enough that maintenance is stopping then maybe they should pay you some keep.

I think everyone is a little unrealistic. Young adults are expensive as all help for them stops but they often aren’t able to fully support themselves for a while. Therefore parents pick up the slack, which is fine unless you’re running a house on one wage.

If they apply for student loans stating that they live with you, your lower income will be taken into consideration and hopefully they will be eligible for the highest rate maintenance loans.

Oh I know, I agree. It's always the same on here. Utter obsession with mothers working, it's the only thing that matters, whatever the discussion. No wonder we're in the state we're in. Demonising motherhood was an economic policy to double the tax base. It was never about 'empowerment' - nothing ever is.

I think what many people forget (choose to ignore) is that when you are in OPs position, your costs do not end because your children are 18. They also don't end just because your payments from your ex do. Most people don't downsize to a studio apartment on their youngest child's 18th and leave the kids to fend for themselves.

I don't think op has said anywhere that dc's dad doesn't intend to financially help. The question was about whether she should ask for him to contribute more than 50/50, as his earnings are higher than hers. Depending on how the relationship between op and her ex is, it may be better for the dc to talk to their dad directly about how much he will contribute.

Maintenance loan and part time jobs. They don’t need you to pay for everything at uni. Why should your ex continue to give you money if your children are adults? Money goes straight to the adult children.

Mothers should work though unless they’re happy to be financially insecure and fully depend on a man. I have a toddler and work full time, which means a woman with teens definitely can. OP hasn’t said, but if she’s working part time then she needs to start working full time as she needs the money.

The fact that the op won’t answer the questions means no one can help here.
Why they were getting spousal support is a crucial point as that’s very rare in the UK. This reason could be well affect what the teens get in terms of student loans, for example (if the op is disabled or can’t work many hours for some reason there is more help available)
Student finance is based on the resident parent’s income as others have said.
Of course the father should contribute to his children at uni (I paid half if my kids’ rent and my ex the other half) but without the facts here we can’t advise.
If the op has chosen to work very part time then it’s a bit of a cheek to be expecting her ex to pay loads given he has been already.
Mumsnet does not have an ‘obsession’ with women working. I believe both parents should be contributing to help their child through education. Expecting a man to fund everything these days is a ridiculous stance.

Agree 100%.

Uni is a choice, if exH is prepared to support then that is up to him and should be direct to the children.

I don't think it is up to you to say this is the amount he should be contributing, you give what you feel you can contribute and he decides what level he will support and for how long.

if you’ve always know this was the case , what have you done to increase your earning potential in this time? I think it’s completely unreasonable for you to ask for more than 50% considering you’ve also received spousal maintenance! You really should be in a position to pay your own way!

My ex continued to pay maintenance whilst my two were at university, half was shared between the two of them for living costs and half stayed with me. My ex viewed it as “ supporting their home”. I used the half he gave me to go towards their living costs whilst they were away and the house costs during term breaks.

Maybe he can pay the same amount directly to the kids to cover their costs.

Massive drip feed that they're 18 and heading off to uni in September.

My youngest is also heading to uni in September and all financial support will end - CMS, child benefits and some UC. I've known that this time will come for 12 years and have planned accordingly - my mortgage is almost due to end and I've a little bit of savings.

I fully expect my ex not to contribute a penny to DD when she goes to uni, so any additional costs will fall to me when she comes home. I'll also be sending her a little cash each month but she's going to have to get a job as well to be able to afford to live.

If he was contributing I would expect the money to go straight to DD, not via me

Spousal maintenance is incredibly rare to be awarded - it sounds like you have been in receipt of it for many years; what steps have yo taken to mitigate this huge drop in income?

Yep, been there ( as mentioned above).

Very little maintenance and when I went through the CMS his contribution was calculated minus his wife’s child who lived with them 50/50. This child had a dad and mum both working full time (excess of £175,000) and lived with dad 50% of the time.

My ExH contribution towards this child was more than the contribution for his own three. Therefore his calculated CMS per month ( he earned £60,000 plus) didn't even cover the cost of their school meals!

He was also perfectly accepting that another man (my DP) contributed towards his children's living costs and uni costs! I would be so embarrassed!

Fortunately, it has meant our children are self sufficient and worked hard at their part time jobs. I supported them with an equal contribution to their earnings. They also took a break to work between graduating and starting their masters to save again.

You say he earns 3x more than you - that could be that you earn £15k and he earns £45k. But as you’re receiving spousal maintenance is suspect it’s more like you earn £100k and he earns £300k.

You can ask him to pay more, he can say no.

I think not. And I'm divorced and reliant on CM.
He's upheld the agreement. You've had time to plan. How much he earns now is irrelevant - you made a financial split years ago.
Hopefully hell be a decent guy and keep supporting his kids.
You can ask for a meeting to navigate the next few years and find out what funds he can give, state what you can give etc. So you and the kids know where they are. That's fair.

Ignore the nasty comments. You can always ask.
If you don’t ask, you don’t get.
And nobody can predict what a judge Will and won’t sign off literally they are in law to themselves and it depends what bloody day of the week and which side of bed they got out of office to what the outcome is.

So you have known about this for a while what have you been doing yourself to earn more?

Christ some people really are bitter aren’t they.
Your ex husband provided you with money for 3-4 years longer than he had to & yet you still have to have a dig.

What’s a Judge got to do with anything? There’s no more maintenance due. This is about voluntary payments for uni students.

Time to send them to work and start charging board...

I think it really depends on how much money you actually earn, not on whether he earns 3x your earnings. If you're on a very low wage then it's reasonable to expect him to pay more. He doesn't have to, but his children will be affected if not. But if you earn a reasonable amount and can afford your share, then he'll probably just say no. It also depends if they get the full maintenance loan or not, as to how much money they'll actually need.
They'll probably need someone to come up with the rental deposits any time they are in private accommodation and not university halls. The deposits and the first month's rent are always due before they get any loans they are entitled to. I couldn't afford any of this and my ex had to pay upfront for everything.
The best thing to do is have an actual conversation about it.

Why shouldn't their wealthy father stump up? Not for the sake of OP, but for his kids.