Maintenance Payments Ending

[Hula0565890]

The spousal and child maintenance payments between me and my ex are due to end in September as per the court order. From Oct all costs of our kids will then be shared evenly between us.

My ex earns at least 3 times the amount I currently do. AIBU to ask if they will be willing to split the costs more than 50/50 in light of this, appreciating this cannot be enforced?

At 18 young adults can work. Have the twins looked at what they can do. I worked every summer to get money from uni like all my friends did. Sadly that's the case now. If your twins are lucky they get some money from your ex and you to help re uni but sadly it's loans and working. Good luck to them at uni...they have amazing time x

You are under no obligation to fund them at uni at all, they should be encouraged to go and stay with Dad for 50% of their holiday time.

I am a single parent with a child at university and , no he doesn't have to contribute unfortunately. Their loan amounts will be based on your household income of they live with you, but I think people on here are a bit unsympathetic, as many students do need financial support at university and twins will be especially expensive, as you can't stagger the support the same.

You can ask him to pay the children directly, but if he doesn't there's not much you can do. My ex is a high earner but has not given my student child anything more than the occasional food shop.

Maintenance for kids in full time education ends when they are 20. This is typical Mumsnet thinking they magically transform into adults overnight on their 18th birthday.

The question is whether he will agree to a proportionate split of costs as the agreement is 50/50. All you can do is ask.

Full-time education is not uni.

Legally that's for Further Education, not Higher Education. Unfortunately and unfairly, legally you are not entitled to child maintenance or child benefit for children at university. Even if they are only just 18.

Yh I dont think the judge would do that and you will look like the money grabbing ex wife. Like the rest of us kids can get student loans etc to cover accomidation and tuition fees etc anything extra is a privilege not a right and would not stand in court they are coming 18. I understand its annoying as parents we want to help them.

Well, of course you would not be unreasonable to ask. Surely, that is axiomatic.
In the absence of a court order, nothing is enforced, thus it's in the hands of fate.
A little late in the day to be asking/considering whether this is unreasonable, surely?!

This is not true for university.

Are you going to answer if you work and why you got spousal maintenance op or all this is pointless?

No she hasn’t, she literally says she’s earning in the Op

People often say they ‘earn’ benefits.
This has been covered already.

I mean in a sense neither of you has to support them when they’re over 18. Hopefully you both will because you love them!

Hopefully your relationship is Ok enough that you can have an adult conversation about it - I know having a court order doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t.

I guess if there’s any kind of “default” to those conversations- bearing in mind the DC are adults - then it’s 50:50 but it doesn’t have to be. All you can do is ask, and all he can do is hopefully give a reasonable response.

It’s difficult for posters to comment on the likelihood of him agreeing as no one knows what each of you is like, or the history between you.

Surely you will give them an amount you can afford and he will give an amount he chooses. If it’s not enough they will need to get jobs.

What have you done/are doing to increase your income to be able to contribute a fair share of costs to support the children?

Maybe you could suggest he pays an allowance direct to each of the kids?

If they are down as living with you and you don’t have a partner living with you then if your on a fairly low wage / average they will get full help for maintenance fees / Loans

you could ask your ex to top them up directly if this is the case

Would any funds not go to the DC at that point? That is what I am expecting

My parents put income proportional support for me during university into their divorce agreement. They weren’t always the best parents, but they valued education and did the right thing in that regard.

I would suggest to your ex that you set up direct payments to your children as long as they are attending university and remaining in good academic standing. That will likely be easier mentally than a payment that goes through a parent.

You can ask; you know him so you know what response to expect. It's likely he'd want to give it to them directly if he does.

they are adults, they can get jobs and student loans like everyone else

This was my understanding. At uni my housemate’s Dad was very highly paid, but her Mum and Dad had divorced and she was living with her Mum - and her Mum didn’t work. This meant she received all the bursaries and grants available, plus her Dad paid all her uni fees + accommodation and gave her a £1,000 a month. We all worked weekend and summer jobs, whilst she had a very easy time financially with her grants, bursaries and the money from her Dad. Therefore, it may be the case that your children are better off than their peers.

You can ask, but don’t expect.
i have paid both mine through uni single-handedly.
he didn’t even give them the odd tenner

It also took him til his youngest was 23 to finish paying back the arrears he owed me.

You can’t even make him pay 50/50. He only has to pay what CMS says, and that’s only up to age 20 if they stay in education.

The kids will need to speak to him themselves about getting financial help through uni, but he doesn’t need to pay any extra to you. He can pay directly to them. If he says no though, there is nothing you can do.

This is where it stops being in any way related to the separation and court order and becomes about any two parents supporting their children through university. Also any money would stop coming to you and be between the children and each parent to sort. Would have thought this would have needed to be sorted before now so that your children knew if they were going to be supported through university and how much they would have so they could make informed choices about university and accommodation selection. Legal position varies a bit between the home nations.