Maintenance Payments Ending

[Hula0565890]

The spousal and child maintenance payments between me and my ex are due to end in September as per the court order. From Oct all costs of our kids will then be shared evenly between us.

My ex earns at least 3 times the amount I currently do. AIBU to ask if they will be willing to split the costs more than 50/50 in light of this, appreciating this cannot be enforced?

@eatreadsleeprepeat yep it's July already...

@Hula0565890 hope he agrees to help with uni, they need to breach it with him. Are they close to him? He's never spoken to them about uni before?

Why the fixation on if I work? My op states that I do clearly. But my point is I don't earn as much as my ex, hence my testing the question.

Thanks for all replies.

Your difference in salary doesn’t come into it I’m afraid.

Up to 20, you can still claim maintenance through CMS if they are in education. But he only has to pay the CMS amount. You can’t make him pay any more than that.

If the kids need support through uni then they have to speak to him to find out what he will give. You may have already sorted this and he has already agreed to 50/50 but if not, and you’re just assuming that’s how it works then you need to know that it’s not. There is no mechanism to make him pay any more than the CMS minimum.

So you are working full time, at the highest rate you can?

He doesn't need to pay maintenance whilst they are at uni only if they are still doing level three course, s etc up to 20.

Of course, sorry. That’s right. In that case OP, he doesn’t even need to pay CMS levels. So you can’t make him pay anything at all.

What has he agreed to so far regarding their uni expenses?

You can certainly ask, he should really be giving money to them directly as they are officially adults.
Parents do continue to support young adult DC especially when they are in uni, in fact the student maintenance loan is based on parents earnings and therefore expects parent contributions.
So as a parent I think it's fair to support your DC as much as you are financially able to, and if he can afford more than I think it's fair to contribute more, for example funding driving lessons.

What will their student maintainance loan look like? Is it based on your earnings if they mainly live with you? Work out how much they need live on during term time (usually at least the amount of max student loan but often more depending on housing cost)
And how much they need to live on out of uni term which is about a third of the year! Where will they live during this time?

I think it also depends upon how good your relationship has been. If you are on friendly terms you could ask but if not then the 18 yr olds will need to ask.

As your ex has presumably borne the lion's share of the costs up to now, it's fair enough that they should reduce at this point.

Surely they can get student loans and jobs like most students do. They’ll be 18, they should talk to their dad about anything else.

They are adults. You are not legally obligated to provide for them and neither is he. If they want his financial support, they can communicate directly with him.

Who are these people who think once 18 people are on their own?
bearing in mind, parental income affects the amount of maintenance loan students can get it is absolutely expected that parents contribute. Only a complete arsehole wouldn’t . An arsehole who can expect to have no relationship with their adult children

Student finance is affected by parental income. The higher the parents earn the less the student can get. Why? Because it is expected that parents contribute. Only a complete arsehole parent who hopes for no relationship with their adult children wouldn’t.

That’s very dramatic. Their loans will be based on OP’s income, not their dad’s. And loads of people don’t have the money to fund their adult student children. They’re not evil, they’re skint.

What kind of relationship do the kids have with their dad?
At 18 I would expect them to talk directly.

The loan will be based on both parents income so it will impact.

Good heavens.
A lot of very unpleasant people on this thread. I had heard others say this, but reading these replies is making me wince.
Firstly why the passive aggression towards OP??
The constant asking if she works, when it's clear from her initial post she does.
Others asking if she's working all she can? A subtle suggestion perhaps to get her finger out and stop harassing her poor, poor ex. No one knows her circumstances, or any details about her health/disability status, both physical or mental or any caring she might do.
Furthermore there are suggestions that she's been bloody fortunate to get spousal support, because others haven't done so...well good luck to her. I don't know her circumstances but if she's been possibly left to bring up twins on her own, then l dare say she needed all the help she could get.
But the best one was some other kind soul suggesting that perhaps she's on 'benefits' (shock horror) because this person had heard others call 'benefits' work.
Yes the law has been explained rigorously on this delightful thread, but l dare say the OP is feeling a bit worried about the possible support a couple of 18 year olds are going to need for the next 3 years.
My god daughter and son in law have been trying to get jobs for the last year with over one hundred applications between them and not one offer yet. This is not unusual nowadays.
l hope OP that things work out for you and l'm sorry you're worried. I was in your boat once and it's not pleasant. I would suggest though that mumsnet is not the best place for impartial advice. Take care.

I think from now on your dc need to drive this forward with their father. They need to meet with him and discuss how he will contribute to them as students. If he is a high earner they won’t be able to access the full maintenance loan as parents income limits what they can borrow.

They need to get used to asking him for financial support when they need things during uni. Not go through you. They also need to discuss with him where they will live during the holidays.

Most kids are only entitled to a minimum loan of around 5K pa - on top of the £40K tuition fee loan which goês directly to the uni. There is an expectation - though this cannot be enforced - that parents will be able to make up the rest of living costs - uni web pages estimate £13K to £18K. Sometimes the young person can get a job or take a gap year - but some courses, such as medicine, absolutely forbid this. My DD had to sign an agreement that she wouldn't work in term time.

If parents won’t help but their higher income means the student’s maintenance loan is capped the student will have to officially sever ties with the parent and claim estrangement. It’s a process. Emotionally challenging and will involve getting people involved in supporting the claim. GPs teachers etc.
it’s quite a bug thing and it would be a very toxic parent to choose this route for their child

This is nothing to do with her earnings. She isn’t asking for money for spousal maintenance.

The point is that had they stayed together her ex would’ve been required to maintain his twins according to his level of income and their loans would’ve been reduced. He didn’t stop being their dad when they divorced so she’s asking whether he can reasonably be asked to offer the same level of support.

Men end up better off after divorce because they see much less of their kids so the mums, irrespective of their income, cover the majority of their children’s outgoings.

Supporting a culture that allows men to choose whether they continue to care for their children in every sense of that word, whilst going after women who are obliged to care for their children, even into early adulthood, stinks in my opinion.

Who are these people who think once 18 people are on their own?

My ex!

Paid absolutely nothing towards our DC’s uni expenses. Didn't ever collect or drop them off, buy food to take back, pay for equipment, bedding…nothing.

He did invite himself to the graduation though. Family photos!

Fortunately I did earn enough to give them a little support and they worked very hard in their part time jobs. My DP also provided some help with transport, overnight stays etc. We didn't expect any contributions when they returned home in the holidays either.

I'm with you, OP. There is an expectation of parental support at uni if household income is more than £25,000. I think you and your ex should contribute to the DTs' uni costs in proportion to your incomes.

I think it is relevant whether you work part time or full time. Working part time and having a lower salary is a choice.

There is no harm in having the conversation with him regarding finances whilst your twins are at university.

What is the relationship between you and your ex-? Are you able to have a sensible conversation about how each party will support your children? If not perhaps your children can that conversation directly with their father. I do think at 18, the money should be paid directly to them.