Maintenance Payments Ending

[Hula0565890]

The spousal and child maintenance payments between me and my ex are due to end in September as per the court order. From Oct all costs of our kids will then be shared evenly between us.

My ex earns at least 3 times the amount I currently do. AIBU to ask if they will be willing to split the costs more than 50/50 in light of this, appreciating this cannot be enforced?

Sorry, I'm not trying to be argumentative here but since when is child maintenance from the father actually 50% of the costs? I don't understand. I have an income of £16k, he earns £47k, and all he pays is £400 a month which, when you have a disabled child with complex needs (who can't do overnights away from home) is nowhere near 50%. Are you not in the UK?

I assume you are in receipt of the DLA and UC ?
I also have a disabled child with complex needs and your UC won't be insignificant.

Get over yourself im raising mine with zero maintenance

What on earth does that have to do with the not 50% his father pays? If fathers were made to pay an appropriate amount, the benefits bill would be massively reduced.

You want a system where a parent gets less in benefits because their ex pays child support?

You said your earnings were £16,000 compared to your ex £47,000
But with DLA and UC it will be significantly more than that.

Don't you want a system where parents are held suitably financially accountable for their children? Where parents need to contribute more than the state?

No, it's not. DLA is not my income. It goes on therapies, supplements, equipment and activities for my son. It's not for day to day, food, clothing, keeping a roof over his head etc.

Actually it csn be used for anything that benefits the child ,like food, clothing ,keeping a roof over their heads ,my son has been in receipt ofcit for over ten years I know what it can be used for.
In fact for many families it goes in the family pot along with everything else.

But you just said your child costs more than £800 pm because he had complex needs but then explained that the complex needs are covered by the DLA, so which is it?

Or are you saying that £800 + £476 DLA + £100 CB, so £1376, is still not enough to cover your child's needs? Because that's a lot of money, before we even take means tested benefits into account.

presumbly the twins will be applying for student finance and Dad will have to give details of income etc. Because they will be 18 and no longer under court ordered child maintenance future payments from their father for uni etc should be made direct to them.

I’m trying to clarify you think a parent shouldn’t qualify for benefits, including for a disabled child, if the child’s other parent was wealthy and contributing a lot. Is that what you’re saying?

Wow, the amount of time I spend fighting for my kid, do you think I have time for this shit? You don't know what you're talking about and you're wilfully misrepresenting why I said; that child maintenance is never 50%. And it's not. And not that you deserve any explanation but no, the costs associated with my kids' complex needs are not covered by DLA and the £400 his father pays does not match the amount of DLA and UC that the state has to pay, because he's a POS deadbeat dad who would pay nothing if he could get away with it. Now piss off back to the male defence league.

The cost of meeting complex needs is expensive in time, money and mental health.

That’s the case currently, above a very low income limit.

I have no idea why you need clarification. I was crystal clear in my statement that my son's father should be made to pay more so that state benefits could be reduced accordingly. Perhaps if fathers were made to pay more than 10% of their income towards their children, we wouldn't be seeing vulnerable people having their benefits reduced or stopped and perhaps there might be hope of a pension when we retire.

I thought the idea Oxford and Cambridge don't allow students to have jobs sounded made up (I have had friends who did both), a quick Google proves it's nonsense, lots advertised and not a hint it is not allowed.

Surely he can pay that to them directly. Why does it need to go through you?

Child maintenance isn't taken into account for benefits anyway so even if your ex paid a million pound a month you would still be entitled to UC

And my point is it's meant to cover half of the remaining essential costs after other benefits, such as DLA and CB, which are not means tested, are accounted for. It's also not 10% of income, it's 12% of pre-tax income so more like 15% of net pay. Our child doesn't cost anything like 30% of our net pay on top of CB.

You can apply to the courts under the Children’s Act. My ex paid ds until he left university.

If they are going to uni you didn’t sort out your divorce properly to include uni, gap years and masters you can ask but expect the answer to be uni isn’t compulsory and they can get a job and save up. X

At 18 years of age you twins are classed as adults. Generally it is expected they get jobs to support themselves for nights out, clothes etc. My daughter is off to uni in September, she is 18, she has had part time work since she was 16, working in a trampoline park and now in a shop. I do think you are out of order, your ex partner shouldn't and is no longer required to send you maintenance. They now need to take some responsibility for themselves and you do too

Why do they need financial support for living costs if they are going to uni? They can get part time jobs and also student loans. As soon as they turn 18 then it's on them as adults to support themselves. If they want help from you or their father they can ask each of you for that help - but you aren't obligated to provide it. Why are you going to ask him for more help anyway? As soon as the kids turn 18 they are adults: they need to act like adults - if they want to continue to live with you then they need to understand the rules for doing that and your expectations for bills and their contribution. And if they should be having the sam conversation with their father.

Neither you nor their father are under any obligation to provide them with any support once they turn 18. The fact you want to help them is nice, but it's not an obligation, and it's certainly not something their father has to do.

Plenty of young people receive absolutely no parental assistance of any kind when they turn 18 (or before in many cases). If they want your and your ex-husband's help with university and living costs they need to buck up and communicate with you both about it.

A large amount of what you just said in this post is absolute nonsense and unsupported by reality. I would urge you to delete it and actually do some research into student finance.
As for universities penalising kids who take a gap year; That's also completely ridiculous and utterly false. Some universities may not permit deferred entry, but that doesn't mean the student wouldn't be admitted should they re-apply for the year they actually wish to attend!
As for jobs being in "short supply" - that is also absolutely nonsensical. There are huge numbers of part time and full time jobs available for people who wish to work. Are they necessary particularly glamorous or 9-5 jobs? Maybe not, but if you want to work and earn money there are LOADS of jobs out there. Just have to knuckle down and find them and work hard. There's also nothing stopping these kids from setting up their own businesses or finding their own ways to make money - everything from mowing lawns to being carers to being tutors. There's all manner of jobs out there - they just have to put the work in to finding them.