Maintenance Payments Ending

[Hula0565890]

The spousal and child maintenance payments between me and my ex are due to end in September as per the court order. From Oct all costs of our kids will then be shared evenly between us.

My ex earns at least 3 times the amount I currently do. AIBU to ask if they will be willing to split the costs more than 50/50 in light of this, appreciating this cannot be enforced?

Not if they are at uni.

I am assuming that they will be 18 then. If they're going to uni, can't they tap him for money? That's what my kids did, with some success! He wouldn't pay regular support & when I asked the Child Support people (can't remember what they were called, it's 35 years ago). He would give the kids money for stuff though.
If your ex won't do this then he probably doesn't want anything to do with them going forward.

You can ask. The answer depends on what type of person he is and his own financial situation.

are you in the uk? If si you should be able to claim child maintenance via CMS until they are 20 if they are both going to be at uni full time

Edit! Child Support people took 3 years to process by which time they were 17 & 19 & 'didn't qualify' 🙄

My maintenance stopped the day he turned 18, your twins will be adults, so uni and a job to support themselves. I never had to give my son anything when he was at uni and neither did his father. Why on earth would the courts get involved in this?

Again it stops once they go to uni. It only continues to 20 of they are doing a level three course.

Nothing wrong in asking.

Child maintenance stops at 21, if they are in education at 21.

If relationships are okay the best option would be to have a face to face conversation with your ex about what the upcoming uni etc costs are likely to be and how you can both manage to help fund it. Then have a second face to face meeting including the twins and talk through with them what the finanacial picture is.

You can all discuss the options of student loans, term time jobs, saving up money from holiday jobs, parental contributions.

It may work out best that instead of splitting costs 50/50 for every little thing, that you both agree to fund specific things - like ex pays towards accomodation and you buy books and clothes, the kids fund their social needs and electronics etc.

You could ask! I know one ex couple where the mum earns a lot more and pays more towards things like uni fees and holidays and gives the kids an allowance but also one where the dad had his company put in his mother’s name to try to pay as little as possible - in fact pays almost nothing - out of spite.
only you can judge your relationship.
we have another set of friends where the dad takes the kids on exotic holidays and spends a fortune that way, and the mum can only afford a week in Butlins but the kids are getting experiences via the dad, and he’s very quick to spend money on labels for clothes etc whereas the mum buys out of cheap high street shops when she get them clothes.

Neither of you are obligated to pay anything for Uni students. It’s kind of you if you do.
This requires a conversation with him and being realistic with what you can afford to offer to contribute. It almost feels like it’s for him and his DC to sort out.

@TaupeLemur Yes, the Dad with the doctorate who isn’t giving his DD anything towards uni is doing it out of spite towards his ex-wife, but of course, it’s affecting his DD far more.

Same with the ongoing disputes about child maintenance for their son. He wants his ex to pay for all the basics but then he gets himself and their son season tickets for a local team, takes him on trips, etc. All the fun Disney-Dad stuff, but refused to buy him a new calculator, for example. It’s so petty.

No it stops at 20 if they are at college not uni.

if they are 18 they should get holiday jobs and pitch in themselves, if they are going to uni they will likely need part time jobs anyway- they might as well get used to it.

There is no “rule for the UK”; the different constituent nations have different rules for lots of different things, including child maintenance. In England, it stops when children reach 20 or leave secondary or further education. It’s not payable when they move to higher education, even if they are younger than 20, unless it’s court-mandated.

It frustrates me that in a ‘together’ family, parents can decide whether or not to contribute towards Uni, and I’m sure most do if they can, but separated fathers seem to be far more obliged, and get far more criticism?

No again, that’s what changed. It’s not kind if you do it’s expected by the government.
Unless the children have been estranged for three years, it is expected that they will Financial university.
And the kids suffer if they don’t

Do you know many together parents that refuse to support their children financially to study beyond 18 ?
I’ve never met one.

Child maintenance is payable up to the September after they leave education or age 20, which ever comes first, however, it only applies to education up to A-Levels or equivalent. University students are not covered by CMS.

Will you all qualify for UC?

Another baffling MN thing that doesn’t mirror my real life experiences, who pays for their DC to go to uni apart from the well off? That’s what student finance is for! My DC fully funded funded their own study as did the DC of everyone else I know. Of course your ex can’t be expected to pay. If you’re on a low income then they will get the maximum amount as well. If it’s not enough then they’ll just have to get jobs like most other students do!

This. I have one starting uni and one still in education, I am a lone parent so my dc will get their loan based on my min wage job and get no help from dad as I am widowed. I will help where I can.
They are now adults and can discuss with their dad any financial support he may wish to give. Many students work while doing their degree, my eldest DC did.

I'm not sure how old your kids are but things have definitely changed since I was at Uni. I got the minimum loan, as my parents are well off, but it covered my accommodation and I had around £40-50 a week leftover, which was almost enough to get by on, along with some savings from my part-time job at home. After that, I asked my parents, but they were adamant that I had plenty of cash and that I could easily manage off £25 a week if I just avoided "wasting" money on having any kind of social life and ate only pasta, so I had to get a job.

Funnily enough, they were more than happy to pay my brother's rent and were horrified to find he'd been eating "value" sausages and had shockingly lost weight (more to do with spending less time in the gym and more time off his nut than starvation imo). He never had a job.

However, from what I understand now, rents have risen so quickly that even the full maintenance loan doesn't cover rent so parental support is needed.

MrsSunshine is correct. This was my experience also.

@MrsSunshine2b
My DC left uni in the last 3-4 years so i doubt things have changed that much! They got around £10K a year in student finance, rent was about 6 leaving them with 4 to live on during term time. They both had term time jobs and jobs at home during the holidays but neither worked excessively. Both managed fine. For their masters courses they lived at home and still got £14k for the year but both kept their holiday jobs on.