To be this pissed off with my 4 year old

[alleoindup]

It was his sisters birthday party last weekend but her birthday is today. I work Mondays & Tuesdays so was going to open the presents today. Came downstairs and he’s opened every single one, destroying some in the process (like tearing colouring books and tearing the boxes some of the puzzles etc came in.)

I’m finding it hard to even look at him to be honest: I know I’m probably overreacting but I really am upset.

So I don’t get accused of drip feeding I am struggling anyway and this has just depressed the hell out of me.

Dripped later in the thread.

she still wasn't keeping an eye/ear out for what he was up to & it's kind if worse as she let him go alone into a room with wrapped presents & temptation then got very angry with him lacking impulse control (as us nirmal with 4 year olds).

OP came here to vent and as usual it’s turned into people bashing OP for her choices, her reaction, and having the temerity to even post, while they also make up stuff she hasn’t said, catastrophise, and foam at the mouth.

The internet is a cesspool.

I have a son who’s just turned 5 (a few days ago) - if he did this then I would be very annoyed like you are. They are old enough at this age to 100% know that this is incredibly wrong.

See my other posts.

It wasn't 'dripped'. You just made it up.

Is his sister younger? Make sure you’re not falling into the trap of thinking of him as older than he actually is because he was replaced as your “baby” by a younger sibling. It’s not irrational to be annoyed at this bad behaviour, to be so annoyed you say you “can’t even look at him” suggests unrealistic expectations of a 4 year old.

The OP has said several times that she was getting his 2 year old sister dressed and he asked if he could go and watch TV.

The TV was on and he was being a little sneak. This is absolutely not on OP. We love to blame parents for the children’s behavior all the time but fail to see this 4 year old should have known better (he did- that’s why he was being sneaky about it, asking to go downstairs when he doesn’t usually). I’m not saying we should expect a 4 year old to have perfect impulse control, of course not but this was calculated and it’s not asking a lot for him to have a little respect and empathy for

1. his little sister and her presents on her birthday
2. his mum- who he must know is in a lot of pain at the moment

Now OP needs to find a way to discipline him, which although necessary is never nice for anyone, and what should have been a lovely morning for her daughter has been ruined. I’d be absolutely pissed off too. That doesn’t mean I would love the boy any less, but good heavens! I’d be well within my rights to be angry, as is OP.

Dripped later.

i assumed (i guess) she was asleep because if the way she phrased her OP.

as I said in another post, it's kind of worse as she allowed him to go into a room with presents but without warning him, expected him to have impulse control beyond his years, then got so angry with him she couldn't 'look him in the eye'

No she wasn’t! You’ve invented that. She's said she was upstairs dressing her younger child, having given the 4-year-old permission to watch a short cartoon.

Edited to say I see you now recognise that.

Of course you don't need to be follownig a 4 year old around. Bloody hell some of the perfect helicopter parents on here are bizarre, are they really following their kids from room to room hovering over them? Never left 1 or 2 kids playing alone in the lounge whilst doing something in another room? Never nipped to the loo or the bins leaving a kid in front of the TV or tablet? Load of bollocks.

Parenting is hard and you are human. It's quite normal to feel pissed off, he knew better and did it anyway. And it is very annoying if the tags have come off so you don't know who presents are from. There should be some consequences whatever you do for discipline, e.g. time out or no Bluey for rest of the day.

Sorry the morning was tough, hope rest of your day goes better.

It's absolutely not unrealistic to expect a 4 year old not to do this. You have incredibly low expectations if you think otherwise.

He didn't intentionally damage them. A few bits got a bit spoilt by accident when he was opening them

Surely no parent follows a four year old child around in their home 24/7? Is this is a thing? Genuinely curious!

I would be very cross if my child had behaved like this at 4. And not with myself for not supervising while watching Bluey. My DC was perfectly capable of being left alone for a bit at 4 - I was pregnant then and would often doze upstairs while they had something on TV downstairs.

Personally, I'd focus on restitution and "making good". Put the presents that are ok to one side and your DS can help decorate some paper to rewrap them. Make your DS put the ruined ones in the bin so he understands the consequences of his actions. Replace the ruined ones on Amazon (if you can afford it), and show your DS how much that costs in terms he can understand, e.g. how many ice creams. Then tell him he'll understand why he has to miss out on a treat this week (ice cream or something else) to help pay to replace the presents.

Ah OP, I feel your pain.
Every birthday eve, I had to remind my kids that the presents might be there in the morning, but they were not to be touched until I was up.
Sometimes (Often) 4 year olds do unpredictable things.
Does he get pocket money? Could he use some of it to replace the book that got damaged?

"Sending him to his room is abusive?"

For the whole day, yes.

I get that you thought you could trust him to not open the gifts but seriously he’s four. Of course he’s going to open someone else’s presents. The impulse to see what they are would be too strong, unless he was exceptionally mature for his age, which he’s not.

If he’s your first just chalk it up to another parenting lesson, rewrap if you can and carry on with the day, it’s your child’s birthday one of the most exhausting and best days of the year. I hope they have a lovely time.

Again, you have ridiculously low expectations of a 4 year old.

FOR THE DAY

is

Honestly this thread is beyond bonkers.

If someone published on MN the story of Winnie-the-Pooh going to Rabbit's house and eating all his honey and condensed milk, and then getting stuck in his doorway on his way out, some posters would be viciously laying into Christopher Robin for not parenting his toys properly and not keeping a closer eye on them.

"MY cuddly toys would never do such a thing!"

I don't think it's that outrageous considering he's ruined his sisters birthday.

No it's not ridiculous, it's understanding how & when children develop impulse control. Some people never get there fully even as adults!

I never said she was neglectful.

leaving him alone in a room to watch TV is one thing, leaving him with a pile of presents is another. Expecting him to have impulse control beyond his years, then getting SO angry with him when he does something predictable is unreasonable.

It's not beyond his years at all, that's the whole point.

Or even ‘old enough’ on Netflix where children in Japan aged between 3 and 6 are sent on errands like going to the shop or taking daddy his lunch at work. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/OldEnough!