To be this pissed off with my 4 year old

[alleoindup]

It was his sisters birthday party last weekend but her birthday is today. I work Mondays & Tuesdays so was going to open the presents today. Came downstairs and he’s opened every single one, destroying some in the process (like tearing colouring books and tearing the boxes some of the puzzles etc came in.)

I’m finding it hard to even look at him to be honest: I know I’m probably overreacting but I really am upset.

So I don’t get accused of drip feeding I am struggling anyway and this has just depressed the hell out of me.

Sorry to hear you're not well, OP, hope you feel better soon.
As regards your DS, I agree 4yo is old enough to know better. A PP mentioned Xmas presents being unopened, seems a regular thing to do, leaving presents unattended with small children about. Perfectly normal behaviour by parents.
At 4, my DS was getting up by himself on weekends and making his breakfast (I'd leave a small milk jug for him in the fridge and a small Tupperware container of cereal). Of course, after he burnt the house down trying to make eggs Benedict and poured boiling water over himself making a pot of tea, we had to give that up (sarcasm mode).
I understand that some children aren't as well adjusted as my DS and that's fine for them. Sounds like you are a great parent, and have good boundaries for your children.
Once his little sister was old enough to also get up with him, the two of them opted for a block of Cadbury's instead.... Ho hum.
I would explain to your DS that due to the presents bring opened by the wrong person, you must treat the birthday person with a lovely item. He will know what you are really saying... And hopefully it doesn't happen again.
PS Bluey is acceptable at any time of day lol, I'm quite partial to Cricket myself...

He is 4. This will be a funny family story one day, if you allow it to be. You’re over reacting hugely.

Completely agree. I have worked with hundreds of four year olds and can count one one hand how many I would deem responsible enough to be left unsupervised like that. I don’t think its sensible to say things like ‘hes never…’ or ‘why would he…’ when it comes to things like boiling water, electricity, cleaning products and even front doors and windows. Bad things happen every day yet nobody ever thinks its going be them or their kids, until it is.

You’re right about the standing over. However today, the birthday you might have done things differently. A pile of unopened presents is very tempting even to an almost five year old! Rather than be defensive about this, and other suggestions you can store it away for the future.

It doesn’t have to be a big deal, so try to put it out of your head and enjoy the rest of the day rather than letting it fester. Parenting is hard work, and sometimes overwhelming, so give yourself a break. Believe it from me, these years will race away from you, and you’ll wonder where the time went. Enjoy the Birthday!

No wonder some kids act the way they do, judging by the amount of people excusing this behaviour on this thread.

OP, I'd be feeling angry too. Definitely needs his favourite toy taking away for a period of time..

I remember something similar. I cried. The anger soon passes and life resumes. As long as you don’t take it out on them, it’s fine. It’s anger at yourself just as much as at them.

And of course it’s not unreasonable for a child that age to be in a different room to you for periods at that age - and much younger tbh. You can’t -and shouldn’t- helicopter parent, as long as you child proof your home in general. It’s not healthy to be hovering over them constantly. They need gradual independence.

I get in the scheme of things it’s not that big a deal and DD still has most of the presents.

Why are you minimising this, unless there is a massive back story? Of course it’s a big deal and a 4 year old should know this is wrong.

This suggests to me that the child has very little by way of boundaries.

Has anyone ever watched documentaries on remote tribal people? Have you seen what the 3/4 year olds are capable of because they have to be? I’ve watched a 4 year old skin a rabbit sized animal with a machete looking thing. Watched a 3 year old burn the hairs off a tarantula like a marshmallow after killing and prepping it with their slightly older siblings and no adult supervision. Am I saying all 3/4 year olds in this country should be out foraging and cooking the household dinner? Of course not. But I don’t understand why in other countries they are capable of these things but in the UK they can’t even go downstairs and watch TV alone because they won’t cope/will burn the house down/injure themselves.

What on earth do your child and your friend's child have to do with this?

Sending 100% solidarity, OP, it sounds infuriating and you're absolutely entitled to feel how you feel. And you haven't done anything wrong yourself.

I feel you OP. I can sense the anger I'd have felt in this situation too.

From one parent who doesn't feel the need to eyeball my childs every move to another, I hope your day gets better.

…and the number of people comparing said to child to their ‘perfect 4 year olds’ is laughable. Kids are all different, talk to him gently, he will learn and it will be fine🙄

Presents aside OP. What exactly are you struggling with? Is dad around to help?

This

No she wasn't. She was out partying, drinking champagne straight out of the bottle and snorting drugs off the bum cheeks of male strippers.

Or maybe, just maybe, she was attending to her other child 🧐

Mumsnet is absolutely batshit crazy sometimes. Poor OP is in pain and probably dog tired, she just needs a bit of support.

This would be classed as abusive so please don't follow this advice op.

I would be very cross too and would give him a consequence for his behaviour. He knew what he did was naughty! I'm assuming sister is younger and there's perhaps a bit of jealousy about her birthday fuss (which is normal) but I do think you're justified in being pretty cross. Try and move on and have a lovely day for your daughter's birthday!

some of the comments on here are ridiculous! I leave my 3 year old unattended downstairs all the time. A nearly 5 year old should definitely have some independence.

It sounds like a really unfortunate incident, I’d be livid too@alleoindup! I really feel for you. Kids do silly things sometimes. Give him a suitable punishment and hopefully it will be a funny story in years to come x

Sending him to his room is abusive?

EXACTLY

Oh apparently not asleep. These threads move too quickly! But still not near enough to hear what he was doing.

yes 4 yo can be left in another room to watch TV, but you need to have an ear out for anything else they might get up to & leaving temptation in their way is asking for trouble.

I have a 4 year old ds, it’s absolutely old enough to understand this behaviour isn’t okay.

he actually carefully opened some of his own Christmas presents and tried to glue them back down which we saw the funny side to, that’s an issue of curiosity and impulse control.
But opening someone else’s and then destroying them I would be furious, that’s just pure jealous nasty behaviour.

No, this is ridiculous. He is well old enough to know not to do this, op is not negligent for leaving him alone in a room. She is well within her rights to be furious with him.

Fuck me, some of the responses on here are mental 🙄
@alleoindupyou know your child and you know he did it out of spite and not because ‘he’s still a baby’ ffs. I’d have been furious with him too!
Have you asked him why he did it?
You've said that he now won’t receive a toy that he wanted and I think that’s perfectly reasonable. I’d probably also encourage him to somehow ‘apologise’ to his sister. Maybe draw her a picture, or buy her a little gift from his money or something. Something that shows him that actions have consequences. I’d also ask him how he’d feel if somebody did that to his presents.
All the holier than thou posters, especially the ones who have said to give him a cuddle and move on 🙄 are either lying that they follow their children around constantly and it wouldn’t be able to happen in their house, or they’re the reason why behaviour in schools is in such dire straits these days.
I hope your daughter has a lovely birthday and your pain eases soon

What's the childhood mortality rate among remote tribal people?
(I can tell you, it's very high, surviving to 5 is a benchmark and accidents are no small part of that mortality)

This. Of course you're upset, and if you've got other things going on in addition this may just feel too much. But please, take some deep breaths and try not let this ruin the day.