To be this pissed off with my 4 year old

[alleoindup]

It was his sisters birthday party last weekend but her birthday is today. I work Mondays & Tuesdays so was going to open the presents today. Came downstairs and he’s opened every single one, destroying some in the process (like tearing colouring books and tearing the boxes some of the puzzles etc came in.)

I’m finding it hard to even look at him to be honest: I know I’m probably overreacting but I really am upset.

So I don’t get accused of drip feeding I am struggling anyway and this has just depressed the hell out of me.

I dream about a day my 4yo get's up and doesn't wake me up 😂

My SEVEN year old still wakens me!

”I don’t want to go down on my own, it’s lonely and boring”

🫤

This is a teaching moment.

I'd have taken him to one side and ask why he had done it and then explained the impact:

• your sister missed out on a surprise and her things are damaged. How would you feel?
• I'm upset because instead of us having a nice time together, we now need to sort this out so your sister has the birthday morning that was planned.

I'd have asked how he thought we could make this right right and guide him toward the right answer of re-wrapping every single present together while your daughter had a treat like toast and tv in the next room.

Ehno she wasnt

But at 4 they decide to do things they've never done before. Make themselves breakfast. Bring you a cup if tea. He could have hurt himself or worse. He's not old enough to be downstairs unsupervised & lacks the impulse control not to open presents.

Was she? Show us where it says that. Go on, we’ll wait.

Having a good vent here, decide on an appropriate punishment and move on. It doesn’t sound like there was any malice is and it’s harder to control your impulses when you’re excited like I’m sure your son was about his sister’s birthday.

Kids do stupid things and knowing better is very different to doing better - children develop impulse control at different rates. I have ADHD and I still remember vividly saying I don’t know when asked why I’d done stupid things impulsively. I genuinely couldn’t explain the urge that took over me sometimes and I was like that until I was much older than your son!

I have my own child and helped out a lot at their school over the years in reception, while none of my boys would have done this, I know plenty of Reception kids who would have, boys and girls.

I know it is so disappointing and I think I would be really upset about this too, but he is only 4 and it really is one of those things that feels huge now and will be really funny when he’s a teenager. That’s really easy for me to say, I know, but he’s still very little and he didn’t do it out of malice.

You being in constant pain is only going to exacerbate your emotions as it is so hard emotionally as well as physically living in pain. I hope you get it under control soon I’m sorry you are struggling with it.

I said you were being unreasonable not because you are upset but because you used the phrase 'pissed off' in relation to a 4 year old doing something wrong but very understandable.

I often get pissed off with adults who I think are being deliberately unreasonable and should know better but i cant imagine being that angry with a child. Annoyed or frustrated maybe, but not pissed off.

That being said, please try to set this aside for now and enjoy the rest of the day. A disappointing beginning doesn't have to be followed by a disappointing middle and ending. Do your best to ensure your daughter has fun.

When your son is an adult this will probably be a funny anecdote trotted out every birthday and Christmas!

I'm sorry you are struggling atm. I hope things improve for you soon.

People shouldn’t ask questions if they only have one answer they want to hear.

Society has shifted significantly towards a victim culture where any poor behaviour whether that be by children or adults is either explained as acceptable or as being someone else’s fault.

Personal responsibility appears to be a thing of the past for many.

...well, you didn't think this would happen, but it did. So 'what do you think was going to happen?' isn't a very useful question, is it?

However, you have a point. LTB.

People saying a 4 year old shouldn't be downstairs by himself are off their rocker. My 3 year old is absolutely fine to play or watch TV downstairs by himself in his own home. We known it's a safe environment and of course he should know to have not opened the presents.

You haven't done anything wrong op and it would be fair to be pissed off even if you weren't struggling at the moment

And just to add, all of my children have been left downstairs whilst I went upstairs to do something at that age and have been absolutely fine. I do not believe for one second that people do not leave their four-year-olds for a second while they’re at home. That is absolute madness.

There are clearly an insane amount of unhinged adults on this thread!! Some that can’t read properly but the bulk of the lunatics claiming you have mistreated him by allowing him to be in a separate room alone!! How do these people go to the bathroom, help another child, god forbid make a snack in the kitchen for a sibling, put a washing on etc etc. They must have hired help or insanely large properties that whole families can congregate together in the bathroom so a child is never unattended. OP your son was naughty this morning, re wrap and enjoy the rest of the day and give an age appropriate consequence. Kids and adults make mistakes .

Really? Interesting “fact”. Can you quote exactly where you got that information from?

I was thinking this. Being nosy and tearing off a bit of the paper to see what it is, is understandable, although not acceptable. But destroying the presents is a the main thing I would have an issue with.

I don't think it's fair to blame OP for leaving them out unattended - in our house Christmas presents are under the tree for a week or more before Christmas and never once have any been opened. Moved around, shaken to see what's in, tags checked to see who for, sellotape gently tested to see if would 'accidentally' come lose yes, but never fully openned and never intentionally damaged.

If her child was going around opening presents at a non-related child's birthday party, I'd agree that she'd need to take more parental responsiblity.

If her child was at home and opened his younger sister's presents that he knew were hers, like in this scenario, I think it's very different. Perhaps her son is jealous that his little sister was getting all the attention at her party and now there's a pile of presents all for her? He's a 4 year old ffs.

She wasn't asleep, she was getting her DD dressed!

What a little shit. I'd be incandescent. What did he say about it? I'd force him to re-wrap everything with me.

When you asked him why he did it, what did he say? What were his reasons for opening them?

How disappointing, OP! It's hard when they are sort of old enough but sometimes do stupid stuff that they know not to do. My nearly 5 year old drew on the wall last week. Does he know not to do that? Of course! But he did it anyway on impulse. 4 year olds are like that sometimes. I hope your DD has a lovely birthday anyway.

Normal morning my 4 year old can go down, birthday mornings or Christmas when there are presents left down we go down as a family. I don't expect any of my kids to open the presents in a frenzy, but I'd rather not set them up to fail.

In this way, yes.

He didn't deliberately break some of them. Some of them got accidentally torn while he was opening them.

If he was 2 I'd say yabu but the fact is a 4 year old absolutely knows this is wrong. I would be extremely pissed off and yanbu at all.

A nearly 5 year old should know better. I’ve taught reception and year one for decades. I’ve known a lot of 4/5 year olds. They know right from wrong and they know what is and isn’t theirs.