Friend said separate birthday party for Scots versus Brit-Asian, AIBU to be wonder if I should be offended?

[MMMMMBacon]

Sorry that is to be wondering* in the title
Hey so my friend and I are both Brit Asian community based in Scotland.

She has a birthday party organised for her DC1 one for school friends at a party venue for kids, and another party at home for I suppose predominantly neighbours Asian friends to bring their DC to. Their are overlaps , as I only know about the school party from another asian friend who's DC go to same school as first friend. so there must be some asians at school party and presumably some (I think the right term is) white ppl at the neighbourhood one.

Unfortunately we are now going to be away on the date of the neighbourhood party, I didnt want her to think her DC birthday wasnt important so asked if my son cud go to the other one instead given he will know the local school kids from the neighbourhood (he goes to private school in the city), it was a long shot that I thought was politer than declining the invite and I was perfectly okay with no sorry DC prefers to have school friends time be separate to other friends .

But instead she said

My DC go to local school not private school and therefore has a big list of non Indian friends.

I have just reread her message exact words are ' going to local school, my DC has a really long list of non Indian friends'

Huh ???

DId she just insult Asians,Brit Asians, local white ppl, all in one sentence.

Anyway , I have said no worries, we will defo make it to the one we were invited to , if we are not away that date. It ended tersely. I hate it too when ppl who are invited try to make it about them rather than the birthday child - I genuinely wanted to try and have my DS be there for her DC spl event to show that we care and would have been okay with a better worded no response than the whole Indian , non Indian terminology (like what?, my Indian friend is going to the other one with her DC , and why would the two not mix? I cant even get my head around this.

I can’t really make head nor tail of anything of this if I’m honest

I didnt want her to think her DC birthday wasnt important so asked if my son cud go to the other one instead

if she’d wanted you there, she’d have invited you!!

Sorry I don’t understand the party set up or the message.

A non issue

why do you want to be offended?

Your son is a teenager op
butt out of party celebrations for someone else’s teen

If she didn't want you to come to the school party, it would have been a lot politer to just say "school friends only for this one" without bringing ethnicity into it!

I think it's reasonably normal to have a 'school friends' party and maybe a 'grandparents and cousins' party, and the ethnicities might be different by coincidence buy I think talking about it in terms of ethnicities makes it odd.

So she’s having two parties, one for people she knows outside of school and one for school friends?

If she was excluding all asian people from the school one I would raise an eyebrow. Her explanation is really weird though. As an asian person I have never have thought about Dd’s friends like that.

we were invited to the 'neighbourhood' one not the 'school' one , or rather my DS was for her DC's birthday

and the reason was ' being in a local school, my DC has a big list of non Indian friends' so the two groups wont mix

To me this looks like bringing race in to it , but in a very confused nonsensical way at that - as my son as plenty of non indian friends too, at private school

Sorry doesnt make any sense to me either , perhaps I should just delete the thread

She's worded it badly for sure. I think some people like to segregate more: school vs home for example. She's clumsily tried to explain it as Indian, but she just means the majority and vibe. It is tricky because some people really won't mix, which of course isn't you, but she might worry about opening the flood gates to everyone going to both parties; best give her benefit of the doubt this time. Maybe a mental note to include her in a mix of event types not just Asian community stuff, these things go both ways.

These are teenagers op

butt the hell out

not your party. Not your son’s party

Why won’t they mix? I assume her kid mixes fine with white people and so does yours. This is a her problem, I would just roll my eyes and ignore.

Maybe it’s a cultural thing, but to me it is definitely not polite to ask to attend the other party instead of declining the one you’ve actually been invited to.

The racial aspect is indeed very strange. I can completely understand not inviting a child who goes to a different school to a class party though.

You and your friend are both Asian Scots.
Your friend is having two birthday parties, one for the whites and one for the Asians.
She says her some goes to the state school so does not know many Asians. She implies your son, who goes to a private school knows a lot of Asians.

Is an Asian child's birthday party different to a white child's birthday party? Apart from the possibility of religious food observance (IF that is a thing) then it sounds decisive.

You know her, is she racist or classist?

Cultural, asian people aren’t that formal about this kind of thing.

yes its just the way the no that was worded was very odd , agree no issues with school crowd and neighbourhood crowd being two separate groups

She brought 'non indian' into it , which is race distinction

@MMMMMBacon I couldn't figure this out either

I understand if she wants to divide groups, personally I wouldn't care but it's not really my business.

But her reply to you is weird. It's like she's divided groups by ethnic origin. So on the surface it look like school and non-school, but it actually isn't. Is that what you're thinking?

If she really has divided up groups that way, that says something about her thinking that doesn't sit well with me. But unfortunately, I guess some people do think like that.

I think I know what you mean, it’s like she’s segregated the different groups.

I understand it but don’t think it’s right. It’s like she has two separate lives - her Asian one and her non Asian one. I know plenty of people who exist like this and can’t reconcile the two parts of their identity as there can be quite different values. It’s quite sad really.

From the very little I could actually understand of your post OP, I suspect that the ‘two party’ situation is this:

1. School friends party
2. Home and family party

You’ve made your post so complicated though, it’s hard to tell 🤷‍♀️

I never invited non school friends to DC party as the friendship groups just don’t work.

thank you yes, agree, will do

I'm Scottish and questioning my own comprehension skills right now...

yes but then why did she say , 'my DC being in local school have a long list of non Indian friends'

Oh god I wish I could let it go

An old friend? Someone you know and trust who has never expressed racist views?

lol sorry. According to my Asian friend I think -

Asians arent invited to her white party, and Whites dont go to private school

Shes managed to insult pretty much everyone in one go

Agree with those saying I should have just declined on the invite we did , and not asked for a switch . Pandoras box stay closed.

Known her only 2 years