Friend said separate birthday party for Scots versus Brit-Asian, AIBU to be wonder if I should be offended?

[MMMMMBacon]

Sorry that is to be wondering* in the title
Hey so my friend and I are both Brit Asian community based in Scotland.

She has a birthday party organised for her DC1 one for school friends at a party venue for kids, and another party at home for I suppose predominantly neighbours Asian friends to bring their DC to. Their are overlaps , as I only know about the school party from another asian friend who's DC go to same school as first friend. so there must be some asians at school party and presumably some (I think the right term is) white ppl at the neighbourhood one.

Unfortunately we are now going to be away on the date of the neighbourhood party, I didnt want her to think her DC birthday wasnt important so asked if my son cud go to the other one instead given he will know the local school kids from the neighbourhood (he goes to private school in the city), it was a long shot that I thought was politer than declining the invite and I was perfectly okay with no sorry DC prefers to have school friends time be separate to other friends .

But instead she said

My DC go to local school not private school and therefore has a big list of non Indian friends.

I have just reread her message exact words are ' going to local school, my DC has a really long list of non Indian friends'

Huh ???

DId she just insult Asians,Brit Asians, local white ppl, all in one sentence.

Anyway , I have said no worries, we will defo make it to the one we were invited to , if we are not away that date. It ended tersely. I hate it too when ppl who are invited try to make it about them rather than the birthday child - I genuinely wanted to try and have my DS be there for her DC spl event to show that we care and would have been okay with a better worded no response than the whole Indian , non Indian terminology (like what?, my Indian friend is going to the other one with her DC , and why would the two not mix? I cant even get my head around this.

I think you are making a lot of assumptions about someone and what they meant and what sort of person they are based on a text that you didn't even understand. Her assumption appears to be that you are her friend, and that's pretty erroneous since you prefer posting her business all over the internet and calling her racist instead of speaking to her. Or at least have the good grace to accept that you are no friend of hers.

All this on my mind this morning, prompted another mini chat with my son this morning on if he faces any stereotyping or segregation at school that feels uncomfortable and he says there will always be some kids who say 'Indian/ food is smelly' etc (he laughs and says this is usually kids who cant get girlfriends, so are bullied themselves in other ways?) but equally he and other other Asians are guilty of saying things like ' you are so lucky your parents will reward you for the B or C, for my parents if its not an A than I will never hear the end of it'

We have come a ways since the 1940s when my ancestors had real problems with this unlike mine and I should have nothing to be moaning about really :)

MNHQ please delete this thread if you feel it is politically incorrect. I also do not know if there is a purpose to it any more. As I have got enough answers and advice.

I had not realised how strict the race segregation was in her mind previously

I doubt it is. You put her on the spot inviting your 16 yr old DD to her 12 yr old’s class party. She floundered and flustered. Have you apologised yet for inviting your son?

wow

I take that as a no - you have not apologised yet for inviting your son to a completely inappropriate party for him to attend, and putting her on the spot.

Thank heavens my son was/is dating another neighbours girl and not this one, they are from the same northern part of india (although the girl was born and raised in Dubai before they moved here) and we are more compatible. So there really is no reason to go to each others parties with this one anymore.

interesting you say that op and is rather telling about your views

Starting to wonder if you are my H , @Wayhome :-)

Of course she can be racist!

The colour of your skin doesn’t stop someone from being racist, any more than it would stop them from being homophobic or sexist!!

Just wondering @Wayhome , are you white or Asian ? Scottish or? M or F?

Just curious is all

Why? Because he’s shocked that you’d invite his 16 yr old son who has no desire to attend a 13th girl’s birth party?

Why? Because he finds it completely strange that on the one hand you’re accusing her of racism but on the other whittling on about being “Thank heavens my son was/is dating another neighbours girl and not this one, they are from the same northern part of india (although the girl was born and raised in Dubai before they moved here) and we are more compatible.

why? Because unless mumsnet had advised you otherwise, you were planning on calling the woman to confront her?

More utter weirdness

Thanks, I have had only one real experience of racism since moving out of the city in 2022 to the less diverse suburbs and beyond , and it was from a POC

Nigerian Lady raised in Dubai married to an English white guy.

She asked me once when I was mentioning that Brittany Murphy used to be a favourite actress of mine in the noughties and how she sadly died too young. The lady was all like ' how do you even know Brittany Murphy ????'

Like what? My skin is brown cos my parents are from India, but even in India in the noughties, all my cousins were sat around the tv watching american television most days and eating MacD.

There were a few conversations like this before I disengaged for the sake of my own peace of mind. She called on Diwali day , asking if she could come over and I could give her an oil massage ????

I actually spoke to a friend of mine at the time who mentioned that micro-racism can be most painful when comes from another POC as our guards tend to be down.

I meant the two of them are from the same part of India not me , random weirdo stranger on internet stalking my thread

And I didn’t think it could get weirder

She asked you The lady was all like ' how do you even know Brittany Murphy ????'

and from that, you extrapolated she was racist?

I am a 44 yr old woman
I have just had to google who Brittany Murphy is

Not the point, but how did posters know the kids were teenagers and that OP’s DS was 16 before OP posted that? I’m so very confused though by the whole thread 😂

Wow had not realised this, prolific ?

Cute girl from Girl Interrupted , movie with Eminem, etc - was side character in Clueless. Pretty well known in our Gen X time @Wayhome

Yes but certainly not out of realms of possibility that a woman (how old are you?) hasn’t heard of her. Whether white, brown, black or green

Not going to apologise to friend as she is going to just think I am dwelling on the topic to get the invite to the 'non-indian' party,- but instead sending homemade Indian sweets that I know she likes , a big box of it, and some Nat 4 textbooks she has been wanting me to pass on for her DD, now.

me either - I think its a me thing though

which im having to force my son to run over to deliver :-) @Wayhome . AIBU to ask a 16 yo to do that ?

I actually definitely did in this instance. As there was a white neighbour lady in this conversation too who also commented that she remembered the tragic death of BM in the news back when. And she did not get asked ' how do YOU even know who BM is?'