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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend said separate birthday party for Scots versus Brit-Asian, AIBU to be wonder if I should be offended?

133 replies

MMMMMBacon · 22/07/2025 19:39

Sorry that is to be wondering* in the title
Hey so my friend and I are both Brit Asian community based in Scotland.

She has a birthday party organised for her DC1 one for school friends at a party venue for kids, and another party at home for I suppose predominantly neighbours Asian friends to bring their DC to. Their are overlaps , as I only know about the school party from another asian friend who's DC go to same school as first friend. so there must be some asians at school party and presumably some (I think the right term is) white ppl at the neighbourhood one.

Unfortunately we are now going to be away on the date of the neighbourhood party, I didnt want her to think her DC birthday wasnt important so asked if my son cud go to the other one instead given he will know the local school kids from the neighbourhood (he goes to private school in the city), it was a long shot that I thought was politer than declining the invite and I was perfectly okay with no sorry DC prefers to have school friends time be separate to other friends .

But instead she said

My DC go to local school not private school and therefore has a big list of non Indian friends.

I have just reread her message exact words are ' going to local school, my DC has a really long list of non Indian friends'

Huh ???

DId she just insult Asians,Brit Asians, local white ppl, all in one sentence.

Anyway , I have said no worries, we will defo make it to the one we were invited to , if we are not away that date. It ended tersely. I hate it too when ppl who are invited try to make it about them rather than the birthday child - I genuinely wanted to try and have my DS be there for her DC spl event to show that we care and would have been okay with a better worded no response than the whole Indian , non Indian terminology (like what?, my Indian friend is going to the other one with her DC , and why would the two not mix? I cant even get my head around this.

OP posts:
MMMMMBacon · 23/07/2025 15:25

you dont think so @Wayhome ?

OP posts:
ThinWomansBrain · 23/07/2025 15:35

maybe she is just being passive aggressive and doesn't approve of private education?

Child is having a school party and a family/neighbours one - the mother has clearly thought clearly about this and who to invite to each party. It's really not for you or any other guest to pick and choose which they fancy.

MMMMMBacon · 23/07/2025 15:43

Wayhome · 23/07/2025 15:10

Yes but certainly not out of realms of possibility that a woman (how old are you?) hasn’t heard of her. Whether white, brown, black or green

How come you don't remember my age from my one other thread Milady ? Given what a prolific poster I am.

The scene from 8 miles with her and Eminem where they kiss is top on my all time favorite screen kisses ever. Why wouldn't I know her @Wayhome ?

OP posts:
MMMMMBacon · 23/07/2025 17:18

She sent her H over to get a reference letter signed for them for something, mortgage renewal maybe or UK citizenship. H signed.

I sent the sweet box and books through him. So if I mis stepped in any way suggesting an invite switch, I set my part right and can walk away metaphorically now

OP posts:
CalishataFolkart · 23/07/2025 17:50

MMMMMBacon · 23/07/2025 17:18

She sent her H over to get a reference letter signed for them for something, mortgage renewal maybe or UK citizenship. H signed.

I sent the sweet box and books through him. So if I mis stepped in any way suggesting an invite switch, I set my part right and can walk away metaphorically now

It’s not impolite or offensive to decline an invitation if you have an existing obligation on that day.

“Oh, what a shame, we’re away that day. Thanks for the invitation and I hope your daughter has a lovely time. I’ll drop a card/gift round before we go away.”

The End.

(edit - sorry your boss is being a wanker though)

MMMMMBacon · 23/07/2025 19:39

Thanks @CalishataFolkart ,

Just a few minutes ago, an invite has arrived by text from her H suggesting DS come to the kids party as we are away on the other date re house party , very polite decline will be sent by H to her H.

OP posts:
MMMMMBacon · 23/07/2025 19:55

Thanks as always for the tough love MNers - think it really helped.

OP posts:
Eleanorlock · 24/07/2025 06:05

MMMMMBacon · 23/07/2025 19:39

Thanks @CalishataFolkart ,

Just a few minutes ago, an invite has arrived by text from her H suggesting DS come to the kids party as we are away on the other date re house party , very polite decline will be sent by H to her H.

I’m not sure I understand. So despite the messages you perceived as racist as to why your DS couldn’t come…. He now has been invited to the class party?

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