10 year old snubbed at wedding

[ProvoPrincess]

DH has raised my eldest since she was 3. She does not see her biological family,

DH’s cousin got married at the weekend. It was a perfect day up until the early evening.

All the kids were playing together outside when all of a sudden my ten year old appeared next to me inside. I asked where her sister was and she replied that she had been taken off by one of DH’s cousins and told her to come in.

I went to investigate, not that I thought she was in danger or anything but I just wanted to know.

Mother-in-Law and her sisters were having official photographs with their proper grandchildren.

Something came over me and I called out to my youngest daughter to come to me. As I was approaching group a cousin’s partner said to wait a bit as they wanted a group photo of all the sisters with grandchildren. I just grabbed my daughter.

I tried to find my husband but he was in another outside space and it turned out he had been in a photo immediately before I had come out. I went back to the room and just cried in front of both kids. I pretended I was ill.

DH couldn’t understand why they didn’t include my eldest but MiL’s eldest sister just said I had ruined something special.

I am angry, upset and also full of shame and embarrassment.

He could adopt her? I would feel differently about my BILs ex- step-kids if he had adopted them. I assume we would still see them as he would have parental rights.
But mostly, if relationships break down, the step-parent has little to no further contact and the step- parent's extended family has none.

This concept can't come as a surprise to OP given that her ex-partner who is actually the father of her child has no contact with them any more?

This!! MN is batshit. Especially when usually they don't expect a female to do anything for the stepkids, then it's outrage if they're not in a photo 🙄

She wasn't snubbed OP, quit the dramatics, it's like when you have a group picture of adult cousins and only long term partners and spouses are in it. Otherwise you get shitty when they break up and you now have some random in your family picture. It's ok not to be in every photo

It's still what usually happens.

Just because people want to mix children in all these relationships doesn't mean everyone else will go along with it, yes in an ideal world everything would happen the way we want it too but that is not how life works

No one seems to think of children when blended families happen it always seems to be how it works for the adults

Everyone’s place is conditional—families break up and exclude blood relatives all the time.

OP is the mother and blood relative to the "proper grandchild." Her eldest is half sibling and blood relative to the "proper grandchild." Her dds will view each other as full siblings.
It's not the same as random ex partners. There's no reason to think the siblings would never see each other again if the parents split.

The siblings probably would (depending on age and circumstances). But DH's family still probably wouldn't see the unrelated child so what the siblings might do between themselves, or how their parents might facilitate that, isn't really relevant.

Don't apologise OP, they were in the wrong. People who say that your child was unaware, well, children do sense these things, they DO notice even though they may not be able to articulate how they feel.

A lot of people have been saying it is the same as random ex boyfriends in family photos. It isn't as they aren't blood relatives and OP's dh has brought up her eldest from the age of 3. She will see him as her dad. Not the same as an ex boyfriend at all. A decent person won't ditch a child they've brought up

Reminds me of this line from Clueless 🙂

God I love that movie.

Bad example though, they weren't (even half) siblings - at least I hope not given that they hooked up! 😂

It was what Cher's dad said I was referring to.

It may be perfectly reasonable, but it is also unkind.

Yes, I was joking.

Unfortunately not everyone shares the (occasional) moral insight of Mr Horowitz.

Lots of people don't see much if anything of their former step children after a divorce. Even less common that wider family members would stay in touch with an, e.g., ex-step-niece. Perhaps the world would be nicer if that wasn't so but there you go.

As I said above, I presume OP is aware of that given that her ex-partner, who is in fact the father (and not just step father) of her eldest daughter is not in contact with her.

It's not. What's the big deal being excluded from one picture. It's actually unkind for OP to be making a big thing about it. I pull my child out of certain pictures if required without being asked (but I'm fussy with pictures). If she's going to be that sensitive then she shouldn't be putting her daughter in that situation in the first place, and it's her who has made it into a thing.

I agree this is vile. Strictly speaking you are right, but to subject a little girl to such open unkindness is beyond me. To exclude her, to allow her feel ‘different’ is simply, as said up thread, unforgivable.

Get a grip. Her absent father and overly dramatic mother are the only people that have the power to do that. My child couldn't care of they weren't in a picture.

The upside is, at least you know what kind of people they are, treat them accordingly. 😉

Bullshit blood nonsense. My ex H became my dd dad when she was 5.
she is now 40yrs old and has 4 beautiful children.
he is their GF. No debate.it was never an issue to even bring up. He loves those children.blood doesn’t come into it.
we divorced, but nothing changed for those children. They see grandad 3/4 times a week.
we share any family occasions with our new partners.
Blood relatives !! What an excuse for excluding siblings in a photograph. Very cruel and must have hurt a lot.
OP keep your head held high. You are so much better than your husbands blood relatives.
even just typing those words. Blood relatives. Makes me cringe.

she is a 10 year old child. Dh family should be ashamed of themselves.

No thanks don’t need to get a grip.

I don't think you should have made a scene OP. You could have suggested 1 with amd one without maybe?

This thread confirms my belief that around 50% of the population are complete cunts.

As I read it this photo was nothing to do with the bride and groom but was organised by OP’s MIL (the aunt of one of the wedding couple) and her sisters. If that’s true, OP should not have made a big drama at their wedding by bursting into tears and making a fuss in front of everyone - she should just have spoken to MIL about the fact that it was unfair to exclude her elder DD.

Omg I missed that OP did that. Wow, what a drama queen. How ridiculous, why shouldn't grandma get a picture of all her grandchildren if she wanted that. Ffs. The only person who made DD feel bad was OP. Next family wedding she'll probably be left off the guest list completely, and fair enough too. No one will be forgetting this is a hurry, and if I was the bride or groom I'd be fuming with this level of drama.