SIL furious niece cut her knee.

[Clockchair]

So I was baby sitting DN 13 months for the first time. We were playing in the garden, she has started toddling about so only walking a few steps at a time. She was playing with my DD 3 years and she's tripped and scraped her knee. Just a normal little scrape, didn't even cry and laughed her head off when we put a special princess plaster on.

Well SIL collected her and is furious. She says I should have watched her more closely as she isn't walking properly yet and this is the first time she had been injured and it was when I was watching her so maybe I shouldn't babysit again. She is also upset that I didn't ring her when it happened.

Now for me it's not a big deal so I didn't even think to ring, that being said I have a 3 year old who is permanently covered in scrapes and bruises so maybe my opinion is a bit skewed.

Was I really unreasonable? I am gutted that she thinks I wasnt supervising properly.

Accidents happen, personally I would think twice about babysitting for her in the future.

I’m a FTM to 8 month old and this wouldn’t worry me. I’m grateful for help and would never behave like that if my DS got a very normal injury on someone else’s watch. Sorry she’s made you question yourself, she’s being a dick!

Don't ever babysit for her again. You never know what people like this will end up accusing you of.

All of my toddlers accidents have happened when I've literally been right next to him. She needs to get a grip.

I could understand SIL anger if the toddler had fallen down a flight of steps but getting so racked up about a little trip in the garden just takes the biscuit!!!! The child will have worse knocks in life ffs?
Give SIL a large pack of cotton wool, tell her wrap the child up until she’s 18 and don’t ask you to babysit again!
And just wanted to say well done to all you mums (and dads) who have actually let your DC get dirty, have fun, explore, splash in puddles, pick up worms………I could go on………..👏👏

Also just to clarify - not trying to be a cool mum. I’ve had a very anxious start to motherhood and am in therapy for PND/PNA, so I do understand freaking out over small things, but I think it’s important to try and be reasonable and self aware, and I don’t think she’s being either!

Blimey, my kids were always tripping over things, including fresh air, must get it from me as I'm very clumsy. Your sil is very silly.

I assume you want to babysit again as it’s your niece and your daughters cousin so let her cool off and have a chat with your brother about it.

everyone has been precious about their first born so no need to take it personally.

I don’t need to be perfect. My kids are grown up. I do think that I would hover over a 13mo who was newly toddling who wasn’t mine. It isn’t comedy or patronising. It’s what I think is right. You can disagree - but you have also been snarky.

Fair enough really. This just sounds like one of those things.

I did hover with 13 month olds and had them in leggins/light jeans or some protection as I have dyspraxia so expected falls - but wouldn't have expected that level of concern from others - managed that quite well till had three all very young.

My parents were kind that would make dramatic noises at even looked like falls across carpeted floors- and IL who were at times dangerous - MIl if she got pushchair would push it into oncoming cars so they'd stop so she could cross sooner - who make out to this day we were over potective. Both were problematic.

I'd take it as a sign she not yet confident in leaving DD and is still in overprotective mode and cut her some slack - though I'd not offer to babysit till child was much much older.

I feel sorry for the kid.

Your post made you sound like you are perfect , because accidents do happen even when hovering. And you were certainly patronising to the OP about the bruising on her own child. If you are going to criticise others make sure it’s justified.

Agree. I just examined the scars I still have on my knees from regularly falling over as a child!

It can happen no matter how careful you are.
Definitely best you don't babysit ever again!🙄
Leave her to her mother.
No good deed and all that.

Bless! I remember freaking out over pfb ds’ first bruise and feeling like the worst excuse for a parent ever. Fortunately I had only myself to blame so I didn’t make a tit of myself. But there were mums in my circle who changed childminder and one who wrote a letter of complaint to the head office of a creche chain.

I was just sorting through old photos recently and looking at the chains of bruises up and down their shins when they were walking, climbing and shinning trees so I got over it. 🤣

I do tend towards the anxious - I had pda back when no one looked for anything but pnd, and it was an awful phase. You don’t realise it until you get out the other side. But I must admit I would still absolutely helicopter over a child that wasn’t my own. Maybe just chalk it up to a mismatch of parenting styles and consider yourself off the hook now for babysitting duty.

My son came back from the park with a right messed up face - bruise or cuts on his brow, cheek, nose and chin. MIL and my husband took him.

My initial reaction in my head was WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY BABY. But I made it pipe down, because I know I have been lucky to avoid a bad scrape myself. I also have big instinctive WHERE'S MY BABY emotions if he's at the park with them til 6, even though it's actually useful!

SIL will feel the WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY BABY feelings very strongly, because it happened out of sight, and it was the first. Yes, she overreacted and was rude. But I'd actually err towards being nice/sympathetic to her so that she hopefully calms down a bit. The harsher you are on PFB instincts, the worse they fight back in my experience.

Silly little girl is a right prat. And I'm not talking about the 13 month old.
Why are some people allowed to be parents?

You did nothing wrong. My 18 month old is permanently covered in stretches as she’s always falling over. She says “uh oh” and gets back up again. It’s what little ones do.

Your SIL overreacted but I wonder if your reaction contributed to it as well. Often more experienced parents dismiss and laugh off concerns of less experienced parents forgetting that different people have different level of confidence and anxiety. And this approach contributes to misunderstanding.
I was in similar situations with my child (yes, PFB after long fertility treatment) when a relative stayed with her and something happened (minor even) but I would expect a relative to calmly tell me what happened rather laugh my questions off with : “Oh its ok, nothing happened. You are worrying too much”
FFS, just tell me what exactly happened calmly and that’s it. This attitude made me really nervous and cross and obviously the result was that I was overreacting. I just felt that people were not respecting me and listened to me and I couldn’t trust them as a result.
of course it was coming from my own anxiety and low confidence but still I would like a bit more understanding from those who was older and more experienced.

How can you "hover" over a 13 month old who is walking the whole time they are in your care?!

What about if you're babysitting for a day or overnight?! What if you have two kids of a similar age? You can't "hover" over them both 24/7!

It literally takes a split second for a toddling child to bump into something and fall over. No parent - or adult - can supervise THAT much that they can prevent every single fall or stumble!

And as others have said, what happens at nursery / babysitters where one adult is looking after multiple children?

Yes I agree with her. No more babysitting for you, she can babysit her own DD and when she got an small bruise etc she will be the one laughing it off. Because she is not going to say and she is bad mother.
Be glad you have been dismissed of such a task.

Oh she’ll come crawling back! (Sil not dn)

In this case your SIL is being unreasonable.

Reading it I thought it was concrete and was of the opinion that you could have been more cautious but your SIL is being unreasonable. Knowing she was on grass and just knocked a toy makes your SIL even more unreasonable.

If I were in your SIL’s position, even if I was unhappy about the situation I’d never get angry at you. You ultimately did a favour and did not put her daughter in danger. Accidents happen unfortunately

Your SIL has got a big wake up call coming her way I think!

Tell her the risks of being a helicopter parent