Graduating as an adult - AIBU?

[FrenchFancie]

I’m due to graduate (postgraduate level) next week. I went back to uni to re-train into a new career, it’s been a long and difficult year and at times I’ve genuinely thought I couldn’t do it. There have been tears lol!

Despite everything, I’ve managed it and will graduate next Tuesday. I’m really excited but (aside from DH) no-one else seems to be! Teenagers won’t come to the ceremony as they are both at a sports camp for a sport they play competitively. I’m disappointed but understand that that’s their priority. I asked my parents to come - DM said it’s too far to drive (about a 45 minute drive) and DF said he didn’t want to come. My uni does a live stream, so I shared the link yesterday. DM replied saying she might watch but her friend is also due to lunch that day (it’s a lunchtime ceremony). DF said he’s playing bridge so won’t watch. Because of the way the uni has set things up, the livestream can’t be played back afterwards, so they can’t watch later, which I told them about weeks ago.

my siblings haven’t replied to the email, so I assume not interested. One works so again, probably can’t watch, the other is a SAHM to primary aged kids.

I get that everyone is busy, and maybe watching a mid 40s woman graduate isn’t as exciting as watching the younger kids from my course do it.

My husband will be there for me on the day, so I won’t be totally alone. I just feel like (aside from DH) no one cares about my graduation. I mentioned to DF that I was getting the photography package so I would give him a proper photo and he asked why he’d want one?

AIBU to wish people in my family were a bit more bothered? It’s been a really tough year, Uni’s are not set up to help people with families and other commitments and I’ve really struggled at times.

I am perfectly prepared to be told that I need to get over myself, by the way! Just because something is important to me, I get that others don’t think the same thing. I just wonder if others would feel like me or if I’m being unreasonable to feel a bit sad.

YABU - get over yourself - you’re a woman in your 40s
YANBU - I would be a bit sad too.

I’m also graduating as an adult this year and it definitely does feel different to my undergraduate. Only DH is coming (and my friend/her partner- but she’s also graduating from the same university on the same day). We’re all going for a nice meal afterwards and my parents are looking after the kids.

It’ll be different but still lovely and special. It’s a great achievement doing a degree whilst also managing work/kids so well done!

Congratulations on graduating!

I'd expect my Mum (my Dad is dead and wouldn't have given a shit anyway) to be more interested than you've described, siblings less so.

Try not to let it get you down OP, perhaps they don't realise how tough it's been for you to get there.

Congratulations on your huge achievement!

I wonder if it's the typical "midlife woman invisibility" issue - people just don't appreciate what you've had to sacrifice to achieve your goals (time, money, I don't know what else) and therefore cannot comprehend how meaningful it is for you?

I think it's sad your family are not supportive but I imagine this is true of other things in your life too and not just this occasion?

I hope you may have some loud cheers from your peers and your lecturers (I am one) because we know what you've managed to achieve. No, degrees are not set up for people with other commitments. Increasingly, young students are working too many hours in their casual jobs too so not easy at any age.

Be proud of yourself. I'm sure your husband will be proud of you. Your kids are just young and don't get it. Teens are selfish. Your parents are missing out! I do hope you will go celebrate with a nice lunch with your husband at least!

Congratulations 🎉

Congratulations! Returning to university is a massive achievement.

I'm a lecturer and my advice would be to seek out staff who taught you who are there and have a nice conversation with them. They will enjoy meeting your husband and hearing about your plans and they will want to celebrate your achievement. I love chatting with students afterwards - it's such a special moment.

Could you do an evening meal with your kids to celebrate?

Oh well done OP!
I got a second bachelor’s degree at 43 and DM and DB were both there at the ceremony as they had been for the first which meant a lot so I understand how you feel.
As PP have said, enjoy your day and introduce your DH to people.

Congratulations - That’s a great achievement! I hope you have a great day and go out for a nice meal afterwards.

A postgrad year is very different to an undergraduate degree in terms of celebrating in my (limited) experience. With a first degree it’s been three or four years of work, it’s a coming of age thing and frequently proud parents seeing their child making their first significant achievement in adulthood.

Postgrad, especially later in life ones, tend to be partner/spouse rather than parents in the audience.

The thing with graduations - it’s a good few of hours sitting and clapping in order to see 30 seconds of your loved one on stage.

YANBU, but I also don’t think it’s that unusual.

I got a degree in my 30s and did 2 postgrads in my 40s. No one was interested at all, not even DH. I was on my own at 1st graduation (DH looked after kids, although we could have got childcare). I ended up not bothering going for my postgrad ones.
I think because I was working, it was almost just seen as part of my job.
I think if you graduate in your early 20s it’s more ‘well done, this launches you into the world of work now’.
Now I’m thinking about it, I’m feeling a bit sad no one made an effort 😂

YANBU - I can’t imagine not wanting to go to the graduation of someone I care about and who asked me, regardless of how old the graduate is and how many degrees that person had before.

Congratulations on your wonderful achievement 👏

You're an adult and this is a postgrad bit of a shame your parents can't make it but this isn't your first degree. Why you'd think your siblings would be eager to watch online I have no idea! My parents and maternal grandparents attended my undergrad graduation but it was a big deal, I was the first person in my family to even go to uni. I've subsequently done another degree, a masters and a professional post grad in my thirties. I didn't even invite my parents, DH came. When DH completed his second degree and professional qualifications he didn't even want to go to his own graduation I had to persuade him 😂

I see why you feel disappointed, but I think YABU. I just wouldn’t expect people to come and watch you on stage getting your degree for all of 30 seconds. Your degree is for you, and it is really well done. But for anyone else, a degree ceremony is an incredibly boring and long event.

Not the point but surely all graduates are adults.

My husband retrained and graduated at 40ish. His parents went to the ceremony. We had kids at school and I needed to pick them up so we watched it on the live stream. We then all went for dinner. Life does sometimes get in the way. Could you have taken more than 2 guests any way?

I went to my brother's graduation ceremony recently (he's in his late 30s and has just done an undergraduate degree). It was dull as hell and I wish I had skipped it. My parents didn't go and DB wasn't at all bothered because, well, he's an adult. His partner and son were there.
If he had only done a one year postgrad I definitely wouldn't have gone. So I'm Team Family on this one.

It’s unusual that your parents have showed no interest, but even more unusual are your dad’s comments. Did he really say ‘why would I want one?’ when you asked if he’d like a photo of you on your graduation day? If he did, that’s just horrible. Is he not a nice dad?

congratulations though, great achievement xxx

YABU and YANBU....

I mean, It's not that exciting for anyone else, let's be frank.

However, your parents could at least have pretended to be a little bit enthusiastic for you! Like "Oh wow, that's so exciting! I'm so pleased for you! I wish I could come, but I've already promised Maude I'll take her shopping that day, what a shame. I hope you have fun though!". Or your dad could at least pretend he's going to put the live stream on while he's watching bridge (even if he doesn't). So yeah, that is disappointing they couldn't even make that much effort for you. I wouldn't have expected anything from the teenagers. A nice "congrats" from your siblings wouldn't be much to ask though!

Congratulations!

I'm glad your husband will be there for you and I understand your kids' reasons for not being.

It's a real shame your parents aren't more supportive.

I voted YABU. My parents and boyfriend came to mine when I was in my 20s. Tickets are limited, YABU for expecting your siblings to go.
Your kids are away so have a decent excuse.
Just enjoy your day with your DH.

Do you have a good friend who could attend? When a close friend graduated neither of her DC were free to go so she invited me and my husband. We had a lovely day and were proud to be there to support her. She came to my PhD graduation too. Well done for succeeding in your studies and good luck in your new career.

You mum & dad not coming is one thing, but all the excuses of other thing they are doing would annoy me. Bit shitty from your mum & dad, no matter what your age, you are still their child and should be happy for you.

You kids i'll give the benefit of doubt to, they are young and dont get it.

My Dad graduated when I was about 20 and I didn't go. I really regret it - I hadn't appreciated at the time how hard it is to juggle full time work and OU degree. I think he was disappointed.

But when I graduated from the OU 20 years later, I couldn't even be bothered to go to the graduation ceremony myself! I'd had two previous ceremonies in my youth and tbh found them very dull. Mine was cancelled due to Covid and I didn't rebook.

I can see both sides.

Huge congratulations for completing your degree! It's hard work.

I know what you mean. I graduated at 55. No one was really bothered, although pleased for me. One daughter came to support me, which was kind - but if I was alone it wouldn’t have mattered. I did my MA for myself and my future job and I was proud.

yes Dad really did say that last night (about the photo) when I spoke to him! I was a bit gobsmacked. He has form for being a bit disinterested but that did upset me a bit.

tickets wise - way back whenever we first got invited to graduation I applied for 3 tickets for my husband and two DC. They then got invited to this camp and I agreed that they should go. I asked Mum and Dad (they are long divorced) separately if they wanted to come. Dad said a flat out no, Mum initially said yes then said it was too far to drive (DH offered to drive her from our house but still no).

I get that graduation is dull - I went to my brother’s masters graduation 15ish years ago and it was a long day, with him only on stage for about 30 seconds. I went because I wanted to celebrate him - he’d worked very hard when his kids were small.

I understand that people don’t want to come, but to not even be bothered to watch the livestream because your friend is coming over or you’re playing bridge (which you do frequently, at least three times a week). Both parents are retired, early 70s and healthy. They just… can’t be bothered.

Not really expecting the siblings to watch, if I’m honest, but included them in the email just in case. I don’t expect them to come to the ceremony!

Graduations are pretty long-drawn out, boring affairs really so I’m not surprised that nobody really wants to go (or watch online).

That being said, you’ve asked for support, it’s a big one-off achievement and it’s pretty fucking shit of them not to bother to at least do something, like pay for a meal, they if they don’t want to attend in person, so I don’t think you’re being unreasonable to be upset.

Congratulations! It's a real shame your parents can't even pretend to be enthusiastic and proud. Graduation ceremonies aren't the most exciting admittedly but in your mum's position I would have promised to watch the live stream (and had it on in the background until you were due to come up).

I think it's quite common for parents to consider your first degree to be the "real" one that was them supporting the young person launch into the working world. My parents came to my first graduation. I later did a post grad in law. There was a graduation for that but when I asked if they'd like to come they didn't even respond! I didn't bother going myself.

Four years later I finally qualified as a solicitor and there was a qualification ceremony at the Law Society (very like a graduation- you wear the formal gown etc). I was allowed 3 tickets. I invited my husband and parents who said they would come. But on the day they didn't turn up and said they forgot. My husband came along but needed the toilet as it was about to start, then found he was shut out of the hall so missed it anyway (luckilyi didn't realise until after). Never mind, we had some photos afterwards and we had a bottle of champagne at the top of Tower 42. Focus on a nice day celebrating with your husband and tell him to make sure he goes to the toilet well in advance.

That’s not good OP

I’m mid 30s just qualified as a nurse through the OU and have had to wait a year for my graduation come October and my parents and sister and DH are all coming and excited so not just a slip of a thing entering adulthood.

I would be very disappointed in your parents reactions but as others have pointed out is it the first time or more times in your life?