Graduating as an adult - AIBU?

[FrenchFancie]

I’m due to graduate (postgraduate level) next week. I went back to uni to re-train into a new career, it’s been a long and difficult year and at times I’ve genuinely thought I couldn’t do it. There have been tears lol!

Despite everything, I’ve managed it and will graduate next Tuesday. I’m really excited but (aside from DH) no-one else seems to be! Teenagers won’t come to the ceremony as they are both at a sports camp for a sport they play competitively. I’m disappointed but understand that that’s their priority. I asked my parents to come - DM said it’s too far to drive (about a 45 minute drive) and DF said he didn’t want to come. My uni does a live stream, so I shared the link yesterday. DM replied saying she might watch but her friend is also due to lunch that day (it’s a lunchtime ceremony). DF said he’s playing bridge so won’t watch. Because of the way the uni has set things up, the livestream can’t be played back afterwards, so they can’t watch later, which I told them about weeks ago.

my siblings haven’t replied to the email, so I assume not interested. One works so again, probably can’t watch, the other is a SAHM to primary aged kids.

I get that everyone is busy, and maybe watching a mid 40s woman graduate isn’t as exciting as watching the younger kids from my course do it.

My husband will be there for me on the day, so I won’t be totally alone. I just feel like (aside from DH) no one cares about my graduation. I mentioned to DF that I was getting the photography package so I would give him a proper photo and he asked why he’d want one?

AIBU to wish people in my family were a bit more bothered? It’s been a really tough year, Uni’s are not set up to help people with families and other commitments and I’ve really struggled at times.

I am perfectly prepared to be told that I need to get over myself, by the way! Just because something is important to me, I get that others don’t think the same thing. I just wonder if others would feel like me or if I’m being unreasonable to feel a bit sad.

YABU - get over yourself - you’re a woman in your 40s
YANBU - I would be a bit sad too.

That's really sad, OP. YANBU to be disappointed. My mother went back to uni when I was a child and I remember her working really hard on her assignments every single night (after a long day working full time) for three years. I went to her graduation, and I remember some of her friends (also older graduates) had their children with them to watch the ceremony as well. I respect her even more as an adult, now that I realise how hard it must have been.

It's great that your DH is supporting you, but I'm really surprised by your parents' attitudes. Who cares if the day isn't exciting? They should want to support you because you've worked hard and achieved something difficult. It's really unbelievably selfish to prioritise playing bridge and having lunch with a mate over supporting your child by showing up to their graduation (it doesn't matter that you're an adult).

Don't let your disappointment in their lack of support ruin your day though. Be proud of yourself, enjoy your day with your DH and celebrate your achievement. And it may not mean much coming from a stranger, but congratulations!

It was exciting to graduate when younger, as it will have been for you.

Now in later life i may not even bother and just have the photo taken tbh. It would be important to me but not as much to anyone else.

Just go out for a meal to celebrate, dont need the pomp of everyone taking a day off for a long boring ceremony really.

Sorry, just being realistic, im older, like you, and really wouldnt be bothered at all.

Congratulations OP! Good luck on the day hope it goes well.

I have parents and siblings that had similar reactions except I was early 20s graduating. I had the paperwork mailed to me.

I think enjoy the day with your DH and celebrate the achievement together.

No-one gave a toss for my Masters and PhD, but for my Bachelor degree, as a 21 year old, my whole family came out, and a close Auntie.

I think its different for postgrad, I wouldn't expect siblings really unless we were like joined at the hip

I think if you have one person attending - that’s all you need. It would be different if you didn’t have someone to share the experience/celebrate with. As far as elderly go, it can be difficult sitting for long periods, some don’t like crowds etc, so that’s not personal. I wouldn’t expect siblings to attend/be interested unless you are extremely close.

I do understand but try and focus on the positive and the person who is there. Also maybe have a small celebration party later for you and your immediate family.

congratulations!!

Massive Congratulations on completing your degree!! As a fellow 40 something year old who has also returned to Uni to hopefully better my future whilst working and raising a family, I 100% appreciate the hard work you must have put in to accomplish this. I am genuinely gutted for you that your family don't appear to care. I would be upset too. Enjoy the graduation with you dh it truly is a massive achievement even if no one else sees it.

This
I think a 21 yo graduation is meaningful as a coming of age celebration and more or less signing off parental responsibilities. Even then Id find it dull. I certainly CBA with layer degrees. Ots very self indulgent.

I graduated in my thirties and my dh, kids, mum and sister came. Dad didn’t want to.
your kids are prioritising their events (normal I’m sure mine would be same if they had a better offer!)
your siblings i guess it depends how close you are and their circumstances. I only have one sister we are closeish but she doesn’t have kids and gets loads of annual leave.

I’d expect your parents to go, I was disappointed my dad didn’t make the effort, I have my pic up on the wall and it’s weird he’s not there.
Hope u have a fab day

Congratulations on your amazing achievement OP.

Our nephew invited us to his graduation. He had decided on a career change and worked really hard for a second degree. We were delighted to be asked and very proud of him. There was a drinks reception and we treated him and his lovely girlfriend to lunch afterwards - it was a lovely day.

So sorry that no one appears interested when you have worked so hard.

Congratulations on your graduation and achievement OP!

it IS a big deal, and you deserve a celebration.
Whether it’s boring or unimportant to others is irrelevant- they should want to celebrate YOU.

It’s sad your family are not more interested.
could the teenagers miss a bit of the camp?

I graduated with a post grad degree in my late 30s. Graduation ceremonies are extremely dull and to be honest I feel a complete waste of time. I didn’t even go to mine. I got my degree posted to me. I did go to my undergrad degree and to be honest it was very underwhelming. Definitely not worth the money and effort to hire the gown, buy the tickets ect.

if you want to do something organise a meal out to celebrate. People will come to that.

funnily enough I had to purchase a graduation gown, my school requires staff to wear them at special events. So I have to wear one all the time. They are hot and uncomfortable 😂

Congratulations on your achievement @FrenchFancie!
YANBU to be disappointed at you parents lack of interest, that’s ve ry dismissive of them.
My DH and Dsis came to mine (I was in my late 40’s), and my DM and BiL came to the restaurant for the celebratory meal. They were all very supportive. (Not so much MIL, but that’s another story…).

I feel for you.

DH graduated twice as an adult. The first time I was away for work! Watched the live stream under the desk during a boring talk. My DM was interested both times and watched the live stream too. His DF was dead, his DM had dementia for the first one and had passed away by the second one. Our DS was a baby at the second one. But at least I could go as it was during nursery hours!

I found my undergrad ceremony so dull I didn’t bother going to my own ceremony for my second degree, which I did in my mid 20’s whilst working FT. I mean they really do go on, don’t they 🤣. It’s a huge achievement and I’m sure your family are really proud of you, but perhaps you could arrange a celebratory family lunch/dinner to celebrate instead? I was quite happy to just get my second degree certificate in the post as opposed to sitting through all that again - we did have a family dinner though with DH, my parents, sister and BIL to acknowledge the effort, which was much more fun.

I agree with this. Graduation ceremonies are a totally boring waste of time. I honestly do t really get why anyone would want to go! I do sort of get the idea of going when you graduate at 21 (although I didn't) but surely that's more about a sort of coming of age thing?
Id want to go out for a meal or something to celebrate though

Her siblings haven't even replied. Given that her brother invited her to his adult graduation and she attended, that seems particularly shit of him.

Haven't RTFT, but I graduated last year with a BA. First degree for me. (Late 20's, married, 1 DC. Never thought I'd go to Uni, etc.) No one gave a shit. So much so that I didn't even bother to attend the graduation ceremony myself. No cards, meals, etc. Nothing.

I stayed on to do an MA and will graduate January coming. I assume it'll be the same.

Although out of family/friends etc. The only people I expected to be proud and want to celebrate would be my DM and DH. (No Dad here. And DC too young). I wouldn't expect extended family or friends to be overly bothered.

My parents attended my first graduation when I was 22. When I completed my MSc 10 years later, I graduated en absentia as I couldn't be bothered going 😆. When I passed my second Post-Graduate Diploma last year, I also couldn't be bothered getting up at 5am to be in London for 8am to receive it... Instead I treated myself to a spa day and celebrated with cake when the kids got home from school. It was perfect 😁💗

What misery guts. I watched my friend by live stream. She worked hard and I’m so proud of her achievements!

Well done you 🙌

Same here @FrenchFancie I could have written your post with just a few variations. I feel slightly gutted that no one gives an F. But comforted that I’m not the only one…
but let’s not let them have this.

Blooming congrats, woman! I SEE YOU! And it’s not or wasn’t easy. But you did it. And so did I.
Now, don’t let them rain on your day and I’ll do the same. We deserve this. Jolly well done x

Id be happy for my sibling if they graduated but I don’t think I’d go or watch their graduation unless I was off work.

as a parent I would always make the effort to celebrate my child’s achievement whether they are 8, 18 or 38!

At least your dh is excited for you, maybe you can make a day of it and go out and celebrate , have a meal with your children once hey have finished camp.

This. Whiel I appreciate that it was no doubt hard juggling work and a postgraduate qualification, it IS onlly a year and many other people also study really very hard for professional qualifications as adults over a number of years and there is often no big ceremony even thought it's just as big an achievement for their careers.

I think it depends on the qualification. I mean, if it's a teaching post-grad I know how intense they can be and obviously it enables you to launch a new career as a teacher so that's quite a big deal, even though it's only just for a year.

But I think for most people, their undergraduate degree is what "launches" them and is celebrate by family due to how far their young adult has come from leaving school or college and getting to that endpoint.

I graduated as an adult yesterday. It was my third graduation ceremony and even I was a bit over it! I didn't get the official photos and wasn't offended that only one of my children wanted to attend the ceremony. I think they are fundamentally boring, especially if you are not the graduand!. What I have appreciated is the support friends and family have shown over the last three years, far more so than making a fuss for a few hours and being bored rigid. That's my take on it!

I think you’re amazing! I work at a uni and I was at graduation yesterday. The mature students got huge cheers from the other students (and the staff!) We understand what you’ve achieved.

Aah, that's really poor for no-one to care much.