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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Graduating as an adult - AIBU?

110 replies

FrenchFancie · 22/07/2025 09:18

I’m due to graduate (postgraduate level) next week. I went back to uni to re-train into a new career, it’s been a long and difficult year and at times I’ve genuinely thought I couldn’t do it. There have been tears lol!

Despite everything, I’ve managed it and will graduate next Tuesday. I’m really excited but (aside from DH) no-one else seems to be! Teenagers won’t come to the ceremony as they are both at a sports camp for a sport they play competitively. I’m disappointed but understand that that’s their priority. I asked my parents to come - DM said it’s too far to drive (about a 45 minute drive) and DF said he didn’t want to come. My uni does a live stream, so I shared the link yesterday. DM replied saying she might watch but her friend is also due to lunch that day (it’s a lunchtime ceremony). DF said he’s playing bridge so won’t watch. Because of the way the uni has set things up, the livestream can’t be played back afterwards, so they can’t watch later, which I told them about weeks ago.

my siblings haven’t replied to the email, so I assume not interested. One works so again, probably can’t watch, the other is a SAHM to primary aged kids.

I get that everyone is busy, and maybe watching a mid 40s woman graduate isn’t as exciting as watching the younger kids from my course do it.

My husband will be there for me on the day, so I won’t be totally alone. I just feel like (aside from DH) no one cares about my graduation. I mentioned to DF that I was getting the photography package so I would give him a proper photo and he asked why he’d want one?

AIBU to wish people in my family were a bit more bothered? It’s been a really tough year, Uni’s are not set up to help people with families and other commitments and I’ve really struggled at times.

I am perfectly prepared to be told that I need to get over myself, by the way! Just because something is important to me, I get that others don’t think the same thing. I just wonder if others would feel like me or if I’m being unreasonable to feel a bit sad.

YABU - get over yourself - you’re a woman in your 40s
YANBU - I would be a bit sad too.

OP posts:
Overthebow · 22/07/2025 10:28

I’m presumably as it’s postgrad you’ve already got a degree and have had a graduation. A second one just doesn’t have the same impact with people. I can understand them not wanting to watch a livestream of it, that would be pretty boring to watch just for a few seconds of you on the screen. Your DH is going so you have support, why don’t you go for a meal with him after to celebrate.

PorridgeAndSyrup · 22/07/2025 10:50

Forget about them and focus on having a lovely day with your husband. Treat yourselves to a nice restaurant afterwards :)

141mum · 22/07/2025 18:02

Huge well done, your family are selfish and mean.
dont give or show them photos, book a lovely lunch, and make the kids get public transport home

DelphiniumDoreen · 22/07/2025 18:06

It’s so disappointing, isn’t it? I’ve experienced similar.

I hope your parents have rock solid plans in place in case they become frail and infirm….

Parsnipcarrot · 22/07/2025 18:18

I could only get 2 tickets so husband only came as not enough for both kids. The Kids were small at the time and at junior school and my parents live 400 miles away so a long way to come to not have a ticket and there wasn’t a live stream. Didn’t get a photo as we had no money. I went out with husband and kids for pizza in the evening, kids choice 😂 it was all a bit underwhelming but it was just the circumstances at the time. I still enjoyed it and felt proud of myself and I am sure you will too. We have photos in the pizza restaurant and we all look like we were enjoying ourselves , kids were excited as we rarely went out to eat, especially on a school night.

Jaq27 · 22/07/2025 18:23

Congratulations @FrenchFancie !
it’s a great achievement. Having said that I think you’re being a little unreasonable to expect everyone to want to watch the ceremony.
MIL did a BA when she was retired and in her 50s (so no pressure like you’ve been under). When she graduated she went into a huge sulk because we didn’t make a fuss about it.
But tbh getting a degree was a personal vanity project (good for her but of no interest to anyone else).
Good luck in forging your new career! Hope you and your DH celebrate in style and all the best for your future. 💐

Nourishinghandcream · 22/07/2025 18:27

Unfortunately not everyone is as invested in the occasion as the participant, this is nothing new and as it means so much to you, it is sad that your wider family are like that.
Enjoy the occasion, you have deserved it.

I am completely the other way.
I graduated at 40 (I am 60 now) and to me, the ceremony was just something that happened at the end. Told my (late) Dmum & Ddad not to bother, they were happy to make the journey but I didn't want them to be doing all that travelling.
Same with my OH. Was happy to come but again, I said not to bother as it meant a 2hr journey (each way) and I didn't think it was worthwhile.
Had some nice photos taken but to this day, they are still in the envelope they were posted to me!

KassandraOfSparta · 22/07/2025 18:29

CONGRATULATIONS, @FrenchFancie !!

I am like you, I went back to uni and did a Masters, best thing I ever did. Husband and two of my three kids managed to come to the ceremony, the other couldn't get out of a compulsory thing and met us later. They were not particularly excited by my ceremony but their dad "had words" and they were basically told that it was important to mum so they should be supportive, and to remember all the hours and hours of dance displays and nativity shows I had sat through and it was payback time.

My mum didn't "get it". I didn't get a congratulations, or a well done from her. The world of postgrad education is a complete mystery to her.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 22/07/2025 18:57

Shitty attitude from your parents. At least you know where you stand with them and one day when they need you you can shrug your shoulders in the same way.
Congratulations by the way. It's a fantastic achievement.

Whereishenow · 22/07/2025 19:03

Honestly OP I wouldn't have expected anyone to attend if I was graduating as an adult. It wouldn't have even occurred to me to ask my dad and I probably wouldn't ask DH even because then we'd have to get someone to babysit. Maybe I'm an anomaly though. For me the reward would be having the qualification, not everyone seeing me do it. Id expect a bit of a fuss from DH about it. Maybe take us all out for dinner in the evening or something.

Away2000 · 22/07/2025 19:04

I think it depends on the person. Are they generally people that like celebrations/family gatherings? Have they congratulated you at all? I couldn’t be bothered to go to my own graduations so I can see why people wouldn’t want to go.

Mayana1 · 22/07/2025 19:04

FrenchFancie · 22/07/2025 09:18

I’m due to graduate (postgraduate level) next week. I went back to uni to re-train into a new career, it’s been a long and difficult year and at times I’ve genuinely thought I couldn’t do it. There have been tears lol!

Despite everything, I’ve managed it and will graduate next Tuesday. I’m really excited but (aside from DH) no-one else seems to be! Teenagers won’t come to the ceremony as they are both at a sports camp for a sport they play competitively. I’m disappointed but understand that that’s their priority. I asked my parents to come - DM said it’s too far to drive (about a 45 minute drive) and DF said he didn’t want to come. My uni does a live stream, so I shared the link yesterday. DM replied saying she might watch but her friend is also due to lunch that day (it’s a lunchtime ceremony). DF said he’s playing bridge so won’t watch. Because of the way the uni has set things up, the livestream can’t be played back afterwards, so they can’t watch later, which I told them about weeks ago.

my siblings haven’t replied to the email, so I assume not interested. One works so again, probably can’t watch, the other is a SAHM to primary aged kids.

I get that everyone is busy, and maybe watching a mid 40s woman graduate isn’t as exciting as watching the younger kids from my course do it.

My husband will be there for me on the day, so I won’t be totally alone. I just feel like (aside from DH) no one cares about my graduation. I mentioned to DF that I was getting the photography package so I would give him a proper photo and he asked why he’d want one?

AIBU to wish people in my family were a bit more bothered? It’s been a really tough year, Uni’s are not set up to help people with families and other commitments and I’ve really struggled at times.

I am perfectly prepared to be told that I need to get over myself, by the way! Just because something is important to me, I get that others don’t think the same thing. I just wonder if others would feel like me or if I’m being unreasonable to feel a bit sad.

YABU - get over yourself - you’re a woman in your 40s
YANBU - I would be a bit sad too.

Congratulations! Enjoy your day, even with your husband only. You worked hard for it. It's great no one else is coming, go for a lovely lunch and maybe a spa day with your husband only. You can pretend you are 20 again and do something naughty. 😉 Unfortunately other people can not make you happy, I do understand it bothers you, but be proud on yourself! Make yourself happy!

Praying4Peace · 22/07/2025 19:09

Congratulations on your amazing achievement OP
I totally appreciate the enormity of the hard work and sacrifice involved in doing a degree while working and running a home etc
I would be disappointed too but as hard as it is, please try to put these feelings aside and enjoy the celebration with your husband.

PermanentTemporary · 22/07/2025 19:15

Congratulations! I think it’s very sad that they can’t even be excited about it when you’re talking to them, with zero effort involved.

Have a wonderful day with your husband - I hope he celebrates you. I had a wonderful day graduating with my husband and young ds (who has since said he didn’t have a clue what was happening…) Try and let go of your not very fun family and enjoy your achievement.

AvidJadeShaker · 22/07/2025 19:19

Lots of people only have one or two guests attend the ceremony.

Makingpeace · 22/07/2025 19:33

I graduated as an adult in mid 30s. Didn't bother inviting anyone but DH. Parents came to my first graduation but noone was bothered with this one, not even me 😂
DH took me out for a posh meal and a bottle of champers to mark it, instead.

Daisy12Maisie · 22/07/2025 19:37

I think it depends on the person. I didn’t go to my graduation as my friends at uni were my friends I lived with rather than people on my course so I didn’t see the point in going. My family weren’t interested either. In my professional career I don’t go to those sorts of things either to receive certificates because I’m just not bothered.
When my son graduated from basic training in the RAF I was beside myself with excitement and desperate to go and see him and show him how proud I was. It was very important to me as I hadn’t seen him for 10 weeks and I knew it had been really hard for him.

so my point is people just react differently. It it’s a big deal to you make a big deal out of the day with your dh. Go got a meal afterwards etc. Congratulations

ChocoChocoLatte · 22/07/2025 19:40

Massive congratulations Flowers

it’s bloody hard! I’m half way through my masters but due to various reasons am considering graduation this year with a PGCert.

Am exceptionally impressed at all your hard work and delighted your DH will be there.
treat yourself to a child free tea and something nice, you deserve it !

Almostwelsh · 22/07/2025 19:49

I didn't go to my graduation ceremony for my masters as my husband at the time wasn't interested, my kids were all under 10 and my father wasn't well enough for my parents to travel. It doesn't matter. My parents came to my first graduation.

MMAMPWGHAP · 22/07/2025 20:02

I didn’t go to my own graduation. I found my first child’s as tedious as hell. Potentially have 2 more to attend next year. I find them a pointless waste of time.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 22/07/2025 20:03

Doitrightnow · 22/07/2025 10:05

My Dad graduated when I was about 20 and I didn't go. I really regret it - I hadn't appreciated at the time how hard it is to juggle full time work and OU degree. I think he was disappointed.

But when I graduated from the OU 20 years later, I couldn't even be bothered to go to the graduation ceremony myself! I'd had two previous ceremonies in my youth and tbh found them very dull. Mine was cancelled due to Covid and I didn't rebook.

I can see both sides.

Huge congratulations for completing your degree! It's hard work.

I couldn’t be bothered to go to my OU ceremony, either, much as I’d been pleased with my 2:1. Dh and dds thought it was really boring of me - I’m sure they’d have come.

Airspice · 22/07/2025 20:04

Your family are arses. I graduated at 52, my mum, sister, 2 teenage daughters and teenage nephew came to my graduation ceremony, they were all immensely proud of me 😊

ApolloandDaphne · 22/07/2025 20:06

I graduated recently aged 62. My DH and DM along with DD2 and her OH came along to support me. DD1 couldn't come but sent me flowers. My whole family were so supportive. It's sad that your family weren't there for you OP

herbalteabag · 22/07/2025 20:07

I'm surprised you could ask all those people anyway - my son was only allowed 2 guests, although we managed to get an extra ticket for his brother, who was 15. My mum wouldn't have gone even if she'd had a ticket because she said it was too far away.
I wouldn't worry about it. I didn't go to my sister's because I was working and it didn't occur to me. You have your DH, and so it will be lovely.

JG24 · 22/07/2025 20:15

I had the same, I didn't expect anyone else to care much but I also thought my partner was a bit crap with it. I'd worked really hard, I'd done really well and just wanted to be celebrated.
But 5 years later I still feel like I've never celebrated. I'm tempted to book a night away for myself as a late celebration!