To think an invite to the evening reception is not a wedding invite?

[twasale]

An old friend had been telling me that I was going to be “invited to her wedding”. Lovely, would be nice to go.

Invite arrived and it’s for the evening reception after dinner. So essentially 8pm - midnight for a boogie.

It’s about 4 hours drive from my house and on a working day. I could stay with my parents so that’s not the issue.

You don’t have to go though do you? It’s hardly unusual for couples to have a wedding breakfast with close family and friends, then open up an evening reception for others. There is always food in the form of a buffet or (more recently) hot dog/burger vans, pizza vans or bacon/sausage sandwiches, a BBQ, (or one of the very many variables that evening receptions have).

Although according to Mumsnet, this kind of invitation is the height of bad manners!! 🙄

It’s been popular for literally years…my own parents had this kind of wedding in 1960, as did most people then. It’s just on Mumsnet that there appears to be offence taken.

Go or don’t! But ffs, what’s with the faux offence to something that’s utterly normal?

I have never been invited to a party, birthday or other, where I had to pay for my own drinks. I wouldn't mind, but hosts invite people they can cater for.

Only in some weddings where the bride and groom have champagne taste...

I don't know why some posters translate that as being offended, in real life people roll their eyes, and possibly exchange a few jokes with friends in common, but it's never a big deal either. If you want to host a big wedding but don't want to pay for one, go for it. it's not hurting anyone.

I have no problems with only being invited to the evening reception of a wedding, and have happily accepted invites to evening receptions before. It’s basically an invite to the party bit and they’re usually relaxed and fun. And it’s hardly unusual for weddings to have evening-only guests!

But having said that, I’d generally only accept an invitation to an evening reception 4 hours drive away if I was able to make a mini-break out of the occasion. And that’s not as easy with a mid-week wedding.

I only wanted people I was close to at my wedding so people were invited to both day and evening.
Evening guests are those you’re not close to.
Why would you invite people you’re not close to?
I never go to evening invites.
I think sometimes it’s a way for the couple to receive more gifts from their expensive John Lewis list.

I think you are missing the point that the marriage bit is the most important part of the day. The reception and evening party celebrate the marriage and it's harder to do that if the guests aren't invited to come to the ceremony itself. Not that a church wedding needs an invitation.

I always thinking there's enough money for a posh reception for a limited number and a cheaper party in the evening, then the two budgets should be combined to provide one celebration for all.

An expensive £150ph reception is not the only option and I'd rather have everyone share the ceremony and the party.

There is nothing wrong with an afternoon buffet if that's what you can afford and it's far more gracious to extend what you can award to everyone than limit what you can't afford.

I bet they weren’t inviting people 4 hours away for an evening do, but work colleagues, neighbours etc

I have never been invited to a party, birthday or other, where I had to pay for my own drinks. I wouldn't mind, but hosts invite people they can cater for.
I have. I've been to restaurants where guests clubbed together and paid for the birthday person, ones where it was at someone's house and they provided huge buffets and drinks, ones in pubs with a couple of free drinks and ones in pubs with no free drinks provided.

None of which provoked so much as a raised eyebrow let alone any significant offence. Same as an evening wedding invitation.

My daughter just got engaged and is starting to plan her wedding. I find these threads quite upsetting because some people seem to be so negative about the whole process. She’s 27. They have just got mortgage approval. She’s a nurse, he’s a teacher. They are both hardworking and want to include as many people as possible because they have big, close families and friends from school, university, work etc.
They want to include as many as possible, not because they are showing off, or greedy or whatever but because they are excited, happy and love their friends and family.
They’re looking at a lovely venue where they offer a ceremony and lunch to immediate family and bridal party (about 25 people). The meal would start at 4 and then a wedding party to start at about 7for up to 150. There’s a drinks reception and buffet at the party. I think this sounds lovely and affordable and will allow them to have their extended family and friends and still afford to buy their house. I hate the idea that people would think they are being cheeky and cheap and having 2 tiers of guests. It’s literally immediate family and bridesmaids and best man at the ceremony and meal..

We must move in very different circles.
The vast majority of events I've been to there's been a bar where you pay.

I only know of this offence on here
I don't know anyone in real life who feels hard done by with an evening reception invitation.
Sounds like a lovely wedding for your daughter

The times have changed where everyone could afford 150 day guests. Weddings are ludicrously expensive.

We are having an intimate registry office ceremony with only 12 close family followed by a reception at 4/5pm with 70 people. If that is ‘cheeky’ then I will gladly be so.

Thank you so much. Honestly, when I see how excited they are and how much thought and effort they are making, and how hard they are saving, to make this as inclusive as possible it’s really upsetting to think that people might be talking about them they way some people are talking on this thread

70 is a lot of people!

Evening guests are those you’re not close to
Why would you invite people you’re not close to?
Weddings in our circle gave been for close friends and immediate and slightly extended family.

Reception is wider family, colleagues, wider circle of friends, people you like and socalise with in the pub and village or community and for everyone to create a memorable party!

Don't go. It's too far away anyway A bit thoughtless to give a evening invitation to folkk who live far away. They should only be for local friends or work colleagues.

why do you want to invite 150 guests if you can't afford them? (or 70?)

I mean, most bride and grooms can't afford the Plaza either. They book elsewhere. Why this constant need to show off, and host something bigger than you can afford?

Weddings might be ludicrously expensive, but in too many cases, they are just hosted for the photos. Expensive setting, expensive flowers, expensive photographer and a photoshoot lasting hours in the afternoon. It's anything but a party, the guests are bored, but the bride and groom can show off on instagram.

What's wrong with an actual party with the friends you can actually afford?

I don’t really go to weddings if I’m invited to the evening o my, especially if it’s a long drive

I’ve said before I don’t like two tier weddings. I don’t go to the evening only and defo not if I need to travel four hours to get there. Others would. As with all invitations, go or don’t go, it’s up to you op.

I never see why so many Mners get frothed up about this.

Evening invitations, when issued to an old friend you no longer see much of, or a distant relative, or work colleagues, is a time-honoured way of saying 'Look, I'd love it if you looked in for a few hours for a dance and some food, but I only really expect very local people to do so -- my evening invitation to you is just registering that you're still important to me, but not in my close circle. I don't really expect you to come.'

"You're important to me, just not very important, and certainly not important enough to be at the actual wedding"

I wouldn't be offended to only be invited to a wedding 'night' , but I wouldn't bother travelling four hours to go to one. I would just send my apologies.

You're important to me, just not very important, and certainly not important enough to be at the actual wedding"
Well yes, on old friend that you really like but don t see that often is not as Important than mums, dads, siblings, neieces, nephews, nans and grandads on both sides but you still like their company

why not invite them to a party, where you can laugh, dance, drink and eat food.
Its not all bad.

There two ways of looking at it.

First is to take the huff because you are not in the inner circle or the second is to think 'Great! This is going to be a good night out to celebrate an old friend's wedding I wonder who else is going' and go and have a cracking time.

If its too fat away far enough, but generallyI'll be getting slammed ip to ready to party.

Life's too short to take offence at this, id rather enjoy myself!!

An invite is exactly that, you can choose to go.

Evening invitations are fine when:

They are local.

You haven't led people into false hope of a full invitation (e.g. by talking about the wedding in detail for 2 years or sending a save the date)

You are not splitting a group of peers up.

This.
And it is an invitation not a summons so……