To think an invite to the evening reception is not a wedding invite?

[twasale]

An old friend had been telling me that I was going to be “invited to her wedding”. Lovely, would be nice to go.

Invite arrived and it’s for the evening reception after dinner. So essentially 8pm - midnight for a boogie.

It’s about 4 hours drive from my house and on a working day. I could stay with my parents so that’s not the issue.

The evening bit IS the main bit to me. It's the most fun bit of the day. Why would I feel offended that I didn't have to sit through an identikit ceremony then the endless tedium of wedding photos?

MN has a high proportion of posters who take horror at the idea of having fun after 8pm so I guess evening dos of any sort wouldn't be up their street. I would definitely travel 4 hours and stay overnight for a good party though.

Plus; pictures for social media...

Meh. I’ve been invited to my cousin’s evening do. It’s on a Saturday so I’ll probably treat myself to getting my hair and makeup done on the day. I’ve lost a load of weight and hope to have lost more by the time the wedding comes around, so it’ll be a nice treat. I’m not too bothered by not going to the day - they’re boring and a waste of time

People feel differently, no surprise. I think probably "wedding" means different things to different people. Especially with so many people living together, setting up home, having children before... socially it's all different now. It's rarely about a young couple starting out in life.

You are being invited to be included in their wedding in a manner appropriate to their wedding and to your relationship and in relationship to the budget she has available.

You can choose to decline the invitation if the manner does not suit you.

When you say ‘working day’ is it a Friday? Or are you able to work from your parents the next day and make a little trip out of it? If not I would decline citing the 4 hour drive and need to be at work the next day as a reason.

I had some guests as Evening only, simply because my extended family is large (I have no siblings, so my extended family are very important to me). We couldn't afford to invite all our friends to the entire day. Some close friends were invited to the whole day, and others given an Evening invitation only. We had people refuse the Evening invitation because they were annoyed at not being invited for the whole day. Their choice to refuse, but equally I couldn't magic money to include them for the whole day! None of my Evening guests were expected to travel 4 hours on a work night though!! All my Evening guests were local and it was a Saturday night!

I wouldn’t normally attend an evening only that involves travel. But I’d make an exception for an old school mate in my old town where my parents still live. As I’d make it part of a visit to them (same for cousin weddings when I’d also see sister and parents as well)

There have always been invites for the evening. You don’t have to go. And repeat.

I never attend evening dos, whole wedding or nothing for me!

4 hours travel for an evening invite I wouldn’t go. I hate the evening part of weddings anyway as I’m not a dancing loud music type so I normally decline them now.

We had this invited to the evening do for
dhs cousin despite half of dhs family his parents and sister going to the day do includinfg dhs little niece and our kids not invited whatsoever depsite his cousin being invited to the full day at our wedding. It was a Thursday term time in a September a good 45 minutes drive away. We declined the invite it was pretty insulting to be honest to invite half a family like that would have been different it was just in dh parents but including his sister and niece was a kick in the teeth. Haven't bother with her since.

If you live local to the venue it's not so bad as it's just an evening out like any other. But if you need to travel, it's annoying.

DH and I were invited to the evening do at the wedding of a family member. As it was close family we felt obliged to attend and, as it was a 3-hour drive away we had to book a hotel for the night. It felt odd turning up at that time.

Weddings seem to be no longer the family affairs that they used to be. At my wedding, it was non-negotiable that we would invite aunts, uncles, grandparents and so on. Nowadays such relatives are ditched to make way for the couples' friends and colleagues. It used to be the other way around, ie family at the ceremony and colleagues and friends coming along later. I think it has a lot to do with age of the couple. We were early 20s, nowadays it's more likely the couple is 10 or 15 years older and have already been living together as a couple for years, so marriage is not the rite of passage from childhood into adulthood that it once was. Times change.

I wouldn't bother attending if I were you. It is so rubbish to say to someone that they are invited to a wedding, to subsequently only invite them to the evening part of the reception, but lots do this!
One of my DBs and wife to be did, then were perplexed when so many didn't turn up (many had initially believed they had been invited to the whole thing) to their medium size reception venue in a town with few hotels/B&Bs 😬

You miss the dinner though…!

I balance the length of the journey vs the length of the travel.

So for this, travelling for twice as long as the event would be a big no. Especially on a school night.

I think evening invites are fine but only really worthwhile for locals. I personally wouldn't bother travelling across the country, particularly on a weeknight.

I wouldn't go to this to support the bride etc,
But I would go if I fancied a night out on the dance floor and catching up with the other guests.

If you think you'd enjoy it don't shoot yourself in the foot thinking you've been snubbed, you haven't.

My friend and her husband are big sociable party people. They had 100, mostly family, for ceremony and reception and then literally another 100 (lots of colleagues, friends siblings, all their partners etc) for the boogie in the evening, but they hosted that in the city where most of them lived and worked- so basically these people would want to go out dancing and drinking in that city on a Saturday night anyway, so they did it with a bunch of great people with a great dj playing.

Depends on their age and culture what decent hospitality means though

In my 20s, someone hosting a dancefloor, free booze and all my mates to dance with would have been a dream come true. I'd have been happy to skip the ceremony and speeches especially if I didn't know both of the couple well and wasn't bothered about their families etc.

Now I'm older yes I'd like a meal and a coffee and cake!

Not true at all, I wouldn't mention gifts at all to evening guests and many couples don't.
It's come and have a dance with us

It isn't as far aas I am concerned :) Although there's an annoying trend on MN to pretend it is. I don't encounter invite as a noun in the real world.

Imo these kind of invites are a salve to those not invited to the wedding. Everyone has already gelled, slightly merry, you pop in like a spare part, but you've travelled, dressed, bought a gift and yet barely arrive and you're off home. Around the corner, then pop in, otherwise no and not worth the expenditure and time.

It's a feckin invite.
Accept it if you want to go.
Decline if you don't.

I don’t understand why this even exists within weddings to be honest, I don’t get why anyone would go

Its the best bit!!!
Not everyone is in everyone's inner circle but the wedding couple would love frirnds and extended family to share the party and fun with.

I'd have an evening invite over the actual wedding anyday!

in real life it's considered tacky, so you know 😂

An evening invit, I mean, of course.