To think an invite to the evening reception is not a wedding invite?

[twasale]

An old friend had been telling me that I was going to be “invited to her wedding”. Lovely, would be nice to go.

Invite arrived and it’s for the evening reception after dinner. So essentially 8pm - midnight for a boogie.

It’s about 4 hours drive from my house and on a working day. I could stay with my parents so that’s not the issue.

I happily travel 4 hours for a good party. I have gone away for long weekends in different countries for big parties, no issue there.

Evening invit with 2nd tier guests? No, I rarely bother.

It's a very nice gesture if it's your neighbours kids or a member of staff, basically someone who really has no reason to actually invite you at all. I always at least send a gift. Friends and family?

Either invite or don't. I am not offended, but if you can't be bothered to invite me to your wedding (and fair enough!), don't be so tacky as sending evening invitations. It's even more funny when there's a paid bar and the bride and groom just want the look of a big wedding 😂

Is being offended a profession? How do I apply, and is it lucrative? I think I have the perfect skillset....

In your situation I would be quietly peeves, OP. Presumably you considered the friendship a close enough one that you expected an invite to the wedding, plus the bride had led you to expect one. You aren't wrong or presumptuous to feel like that - we all have opinions on the closeness of our connections to others, and of course it's disappointing to find that these aren't shared by the person we have the connection with.

I doubt the bride intended to mislead you. Either in her mind to two levels of invitation are synonymous, OR she miscalculated the costs and was in the end not able to invite everyone she wanted to. And had perhaps forgotten what she said to you.

Anyway, given the circumstances I would politely decline, and not think too much more about it. I have friends who I consider close but did not invite me to their weddings, and I have always tried not to let it sour the relationship if they are people I genuinely like.

in real life it's considered tacky, so you know 😂
An evening invit, I mean, of course
Never heard of it being described as tacky ( or other words meaning that) in real life.
People i know seem pleased and excited about a wedding whether its full day or evening.
The only issue I would have in Ops case is the distance with a work day following.
If it was the weekend I would have used it as an excuse to have a mini break and stay an additional night and explore the area.

I’ve never minded. DH works for a big company and we went to lots of evening dos in our 20s. Just a night out.
He actually went to one across country but they car shared and had a weekend away. They tended to be word of mouth invites too so no pressure to go.

But asking people to travel and spend money on hotels and things. Not on. I went to one where it was mostly evening invites. 2 people had travelled a huge distance and the B&G could hardly be bothered to come and say hello.

Thank you very much for your very kind invitation. Unfortunately, we won't be able to make it that evening as we have another commitment. Won't have to buy a present but you could send a card.

She wants you to do an 8 hour round trip to give her a present. Ain’t nobody got time for that!

Either invite or don't. I am not offended, but if you can't be bothered to invite me to your wedding (and fair enough!), don't be so tacky as sending evening invitations. It's even more funny when there's a paid bar and the bride and groom just want the look of a big wedding 😂
I've never considered it tacky to be invited to an evening do or that I was invited because they wanted to look like the wedding was bigger than it was. I don't think anyone does that. People invite people because they want to invite them. Nothing more than that.

I've no problem with a paid bar either. It's entirely expected at an evening do. It's still completely the invitee's choice to go.

Registry offices are small, often can only fit 40 or so people in. With 2 families, that doesn't leave much room for friends. It's not rude or cheeky to invite people to the evening in that case. 8 til 12 is a bit of a short time though.

She wants you to do an 8 hour round trip to give her a present. Ain’t nobody got time for that!

No bride has put an invite out.

She may well know that op is not able to take her up on the invitation but also possibly the op may take a day's leave and go and explore the area and join the party in the evening.

These days I don't know many brides that particularly want gifts. They already have everything.

The last few weddings ive been to it's been either a donation to your favourite charity or a donation to their favourite charity.

Agree. It's basically saying: 'You're not good enough to come to the actual wedding, but please come to the reception so we still get a nice gift!'

I hate save the date cards.
They tell you nothing only the date
They don't tell you if children are allowed
They don't tell you what time the wedding is
They don't tell you if it's all day or just evening.
Total waste of time and money and leaves it open to assumptions then people get offended when it's not what they thought

I've only taken small gifts to an evening do, never felt anything bigger was expected. And people don't invite people for the purposes of getting presents. Not generally. Only a few weirdos.

Exactly this.
If it was someone's milestone birthday party would people expect a paid bar then?
What's the difference?
It's a party

I once got invited to the wedding ceremony ant the church and the evening reception but not the bit in between. I lived in London at the time and the wedding was near Dundee…

Evening dos are awful non-events.

You're not good enough to come to the actual wedding, but please come to the reception so we still get a nice gift!'

Or its saying

' Come to our party!!! There's food, a band a disco, loads of people that'll you'll know (probably) will be there. Let's drink, dance and have a great time.
Let's have a fun night!

Evening dos are awful non-events.

Are you sure you've not got mixed up with an especially depressing wake?

💯

This! The evening part is the best part!

It's not a wedding invitation, it's for the reception only.

4 hours away, I'd pass. You're not that close if you didn't get an invitation to the actual ceremony.

Decline and don’t send a present.

Because, if it's local, it's nice to celebrate a friends/colleagues wedding whilst accepting their budget or their chosen venue can't accommodate everyone they'd like to invite.

@twasale it's a bit crap if her to say she was inviting you to her wedding, then only invite you to the event, especially as you're travelling so far.

it depends on the friendship how I'd excuse myself, but I wouldn't go. Unless I could go for a few days & spend time with my parents & other local friends.

And that would likely be the case... if it was just a party. The important bit IS the wedding... and that's the bit they're not being invited to.

So, in that instance, it seems more about numbers than anything else...

And that would likely be the case... if it was just a party. The important bit IS the wedding... and that's the bit they're not being invited to.
Unless it was a close family member or best friend I would not lose any sleep over not getting invited to the wedding bit tbh.

So, in that instance, it seems more about numbers than anything else...
It is highly likely to be about numbers. As I said before, you can't be in everyone's inner circle and numbers matter.

In a wedding party, numbers soon add up and people that you may prefer to be there have to go so a closer family member may attend. Its a tricky balancing act.
However give me an evening invite any day ( unless its is my sons' wedding!!)

I would decline, and wouldn´t travel or incurr expense for an evening invite. If it were local, then I would consider.