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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think an invite to the evening reception is not a wedding invite?

133 replies

twasale · 22/07/2025 06:28

An old friend had been telling me that I was going to be “invited to her wedding”. Lovely, would be nice to go.

Invite arrived and it’s for the evening reception after dinner. So essentially 8pm - midnight for a boogie.

It’s about 4 hours drive from my house and on a working day. I could stay with my parents so that’s not the issue.

OP posts:

Linenpickle · 22/07/2025 06:30

Has she kept numbers down for the main part due to money? It’s a big ask to travel 4 hours for the evening in a work night. I would probably decline.

WhatNoRaisins · 22/07/2025 06:30

I think evening only invitations are cheeky for people that need to travel. It should just be for local acquaintances. If she actually told you that you were being invited then it's quite rude.

MaryBeardsShoes · 22/07/2025 06:31

Oh my God not this AGAIN!

MidnightPatrol · 22/07/2025 06:32

I wouldn’t bother going, no.

I don’t understand why this even exists within weddings to be honest, I don’t get why anyone would go.

autienotnaughty · 22/07/2025 06:34

Ive no issue with evening invites. I think it’s lovely to be able to include extra people in your day but if someone said I was invited to their wedding yes I would assume day.
I wouldn’t travel far for an evening do though or incur extra expenses such as hotel.

Cam1981 · 22/07/2025 06:35

You are an old friend so why do you think you should be invited to the sit down part ? If you don’t want to go don’t go. I’ve never understood the outrage over evening invites on here.

Yerroblemom1923 · 22/07/2025 06:37

Evening "dos" are usually for people who you aren't that close to. Otherwise they'd invite you to the main event. Isn't that how weddings work? Guess it's hard not to be too offended, just know closer friends and immediate family come first and if the wedding only has room for eg 50 people the bride will choose her nearest and dearest for that.

LaLaLandDreams · 22/07/2025 06:39

You’re only an ‘old friend’ so that’s usually standard for a evening invite.

Meadowfinch · 22/07/2025 06:40

If it is a work day, are they having a tiny wedding ie them, two witnesses and the registrar, and then having a meet up in the evening?

Unless it was a Friday and she was a good friend, I would regretfully decline.

NowStartAgain · 22/07/2025 06:40

I also wouldn't go to a wedding evening do 4 hours drive from home. Wedding evening do arrivals are often kind of awkward anyway, although I would go if it was near home and a work colleague or similar. Many of the guests will have been drinking for hours, and they've been there all day so they are all discussing how lovely it all was and there are you arriving sober at 8pm. No thanks. Send a card, wish her the best, think no more of it.

Surreymum538 · 22/07/2025 06:40

Weddings are extortionate these days and people can’t invite everyone. It’s still nice she thought to invite you to the evening part of her celebration, but 4 hours travel for it? No way. I wouldn’t do it. Politely decline.

AbzMoz · 22/07/2025 06:41

Whether it is an invite to ‘a wedding’ or it isn’t, it is the invitation that you have been offered…
So either go if you can make it, or don’t go if you cannot.

Karatema · 22/07/2025 06:47

We were invited to an evening do but as soon as the bride heard we were travelling 4 hours, and staying overnight, we were invited to the day!
In this case we hadn’t had a holiday in ages so we were happy to do this because it was a good excuse! However, we were acquaintances of the bride and groom, not bosom buddies, so the gesture was particularly lovely.

SENSummer · 22/07/2025 06:51

I never understand why the concept of ‘evening guests’ causes so much of an issue over weddings when it seems so straight forward to me!

Day guests are close friends and family, those you really want to spend your special day with and pay £150+ per plate for. If you’re not so close to this person you buy them birthday/Christmas gifts every year you shouldn’t take offence to not being invited to this. If you are, great but if not move on.

Evening guests are for the friends and acquaintances you see every so often, or the people you work with or go to uni with who have been listening to all the wedding stuff for months…etc. The whole concept is ‘they’re good for a dance and a drink and a buffet but not for a £150+ meal on top’. Evening guests should be local to the area. If someone lives more than 1-1.5 hours drive you need to make a call on whether to invite them for the full thing or not bother. Equally evening guests are never expected to gift significantly, bottle of wine, £20 in a card, box of chocolates… it’s all good.

My evening do was literally half my office and uni course (mature student) and we had a gift list so I made sure it was full of £5-£20 bits. Most of them car/taxi shared and there was plenty of free food/alcohol. I think personally that’s the way to do it.

4 hours for a night do is ludicrous and feels pretty cheeky from the couple tbh. I wouldn’t.

notanothersummercold · 22/07/2025 06:52

I've had an evening invite that involves 2 hours travel each way so have decided to make a night of it and book a hotel and have a mini break - but if it was a day l was working (it's a Thursday and l don't work Thursdays and Fridays so not using precious annual leave), no way l would go.

Politely decline op.

LittleLlama · 22/07/2025 06:53

Personally, I like an evening wedding only (get to dress up and party without the formality). Wedding are so expensive these days that an evening only invite makes sense sometimes.

SENSummer · 22/07/2025 06:53

I will just add we live in a rural area so 1-1.5 hours isn’t a very long journey here. Suspect other areas of the country you’d expect to travel even less than that for a night do. X

Anonusername1234 · 22/07/2025 06:54

I didn’t have an evening reception for this reason. And I planned the wedding venue and catering so I could avoid it.

I wouldn’t travel four hours to an evening reception, tbf I wouldn’t travel more than an easy taxi drive away to an evening reception. It’s the party but, and I view it as such.

RevolutionHere · 22/07/2025 06:57

i dont think they are cheeky - people have a limit to their spending
up to you if you go

TheAmusedQuail · 22/07/2025 06:57

I think the whole two tier wedding thing is stupid. As is the whole idea of hen / stag events as foreign holidays and gift lists.

It's all just a massive commercialisation of marriage, which given the current divorce rate, is just a huge money spinner and pointless. The biggest wedding I ever went to was for a marriage that lasted a year.

I'd only go if it was local to me. And even then I probably wouldn't bother.

RhaenysRocks · 22/07/2025 07:01

MidnightPatrol · 22/07/2025 06:32

I wouldn’t bother going, no.

I don’t understand why this even exists within weddings to be honest, I don’t get why anyone would go.

Really? You can't imagine that people might have a lot of friends and relations but they can't afford 100+ dinners so they do a two stage day? You can't imagine that lots of people would love to see their friend in a gorgeous dress and celebrate with them? Maybe see old uni friends or cousins who are far flung and rarely together? Ok.

IberianBlackout · 22/07/2025 07:02

4 hours for an evening party? I’d skip it.

We went to one about 1h away, got there, everyone had to awkwardly wait around in the hotel lobby because they were still partying inside, then wait for the staff to rearrange the room… it was honestly a waste of time. Never again.

Maddy70 · 22/07/2025 07:03

It's an invite to their evening celebration. It's still an invite. Entirely up to you if you go

RhaenysRocks · 22/07/2025 07:04

Oh and invite isn't cheeky. It's up to the invitee to decide if they want to travel. I probably would, I travel up and down the country a lot so I don't mind. If others wouldn't that's fine but it's for the guest to decide.

BallerinaRadio · 22/07/2025 07:06

Only on Mumsnet could a wedding invite be considered 'cheeky'

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