To want my kids and I to have passports?

[Marzipanface]

My children and I don’t have passports. My husband does. He is the main breadwinner, I look after our two children who have some additional needs. As a result I do not work outside of the home. I simply don’t have the time due to caring commitments or the childcare and I’ve been out of the job market for a very long time due to a serious health condition. Thankfully I’ve recovered from it fingers crossed and then I became a SAHM to my two children. The plan was to go back to work when they were settled in school but life got in the way and now I have a teenager and a preteen who both have additional needs and some health issues and mainstream school never worked out for them both. I have no family support re: childcare or help.

As a result I have little economic to no economic independence from my DH. He has always been fairly reasonable about his salary and we consider it a joint income until it comes to big purchases, then he makes the decisions.

Two years ago my DH received a significant inheritance. The only thing I requested was could he please get me and the kids passports and could we try to take them in a trip to France or Spain. It doesn’t have to be exotic. I regularly have an issue with ID as I don’t drive and I would really like to take the kids abroad on holiday or on an educational short trip. He didn’t pay for them.

The kids are older now and regularly ask why we can’t go to another country or go on a plane/boat, and I have to explain that we don’t have passports.

I’ve had enough. I want a passport and I want to be able to take the kids somewhere. I also want to be able to go on a trip with friends on a city break instead of always having to make excuses. As usual my DH has demanded ‘why do we need them’ and told us he can’t afford them. He has now gone to bed in a piss because I’m having a ‘go again’ because my daughter is asking us for a passport and pointed out to me she is 15 and never been to another country.

He doesn’t care much for travelling despite having to do some for his work. He has told me yet again that I don’t need a passport. I’m fucking sick of it. AIBU?

Sorry if this sounds like privilege but are passports considered a big purchase? Can't you just ask him for £100 and order one, do the same the following months so you all end up with one?

my baby had his first passport at 4 weeks old. it’s a basic human right. so basically you have absolutely no photographic identification for neither you or your children. that’s insane

Because he has never seemed controlling or financially abusive. He wouldn’t refuse to sign forms either. This is about him refusing to pay for the passports because he sees it as an unnecessary expense but I see it as limiting our options as a family. Particularly as we do have a full on childcare schedule due to disabilities. I would like an opportunity to do something different as a family and be able to use resources for children with disabilities to travel abroad. There are programmes and supported holidays which we cannot do as we don’t have passports.

he doesn’t need to sign. only one parent has to sign

ypu also don’t need to attend any police or professional. the person is now contacted via email and they complete a declaration online

yes you are correct.

He is controlling. He is financially abusive.

Apparently so. He refuses to pay for them on the grounds of them being a big purchase. I don’t believe that they are.

Yes. This is what infuriates and upsets me so much and then we start arguing. He doesn’t seem to understand that his choices are affecting all of us.

Do you know what happened to the inheritance? Not that it matters.

As they're both under 16 all three passports would only cost £94.50+61.50+61.50 = £217.50.
Start taking cashback on grocery shops. Ilat £20 a week it would only take you 11 weeks. Then pay in the cash in a private bank account in branch or at the post office.

Perhaps your 15 year old could get a job to pay for her own? Encourage her financial independence.

Do you know a teacher personally not at school? You would need to get the passports signed by someone in a profession listed who knows you. It took me 4 years to find someone to sign my son's passport. Your 15 year old daughter can get her own passport done does she have a friend who's mum is a teacher, dentist or doctor who knows her well. You really need to be proactive if you need your passport signed.

yes this has happened in the past.

Right. Get the passports. Pay for them. Then explain that you need some extra money for food etc. He has not paid for the passports, you have chosen to use your income on them. But he will need to contribute more to the rest of the household expenses that month.

Was he this financially restrictive before your children were born? It is possible that his way of coping with the challenges of their care is to build up a huge financial nestegg to deal with future provision? Not that it excuses his behaviour at all, but it seems really strange to dig his heels in about a relatively small, once-every-ten-years cost.

Is it really just about the passports as a purchase, or about the potential going abroad? Are the holidays/trips you take in this country quite stressful with the children's medical and additional needs? Is the general plan that you would all go abroad together, or that you would take the children by yourself? If the former, is he worried it would be more stressful/difficult going abroad than holidaying in the UK and he doesn't want to be involved but isn't communicating that openly?

Do you have someone in mind to sign all your passports? Remember you can now apply online.

Sell some stuff from the house to get the money together and then fill in the forms. If he refuses to sign tell him you will be taking it further legally to get it done. He sounds like a controlling prick.

Sorry it’s not a basic human right, that kind of statement is not helpful when there are children going without actual basic rights such as safety, food and shelter.

DLA is your income your husband is working in america and china and he is making you buy "extras" with DLA . MY GOD!

It isn't even extras it is bloody essentials !

Clearly there are bigger issues here, but can you make the case that once your DD is 16 she can have an adult passport and that it will be extremely useful to her as she'll need to prove her identity for college, jobs etc?

Op you should get a job even if it's on evenings or weekends and have your own money? Or divorce him. I hope
You're married or you could be out on the street

You can't actually legally take them out of the country without his consent unless you get permission from a court

On no planet are passports " a big purchase". You are mistaken if you believe you have any kind of joint income.

It sounds like he's happy with you having pocket money (and normal funds for the house, food bills..) but borderline abusive about anything else - maybe not even borderline.

Having a passport is a basic necessity, it's not right to decline. A trip to mainland Europe is hardly a luxury either!

Possibly a dumb question. Have you ever seen his passport ID page? Or is it guarded? As in, has he anything to hide? I had a family member marry someone like this... He hid part of his name and age. Yes, they were married. It was weird.

I really feel for you and your kids. It's utterly ridiculous.

How much money is he on, and how much is he transferring you?

My mistake. In Ireland both parents are required to sign it in front of a garda with the child present.

Adults can apply online.