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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be pissed off at my husband for making me miss out seeing an old friend on his birthday?

141 replies

Jessicoolaa · 21/07/2025 16:14

We went to bristol (where we used to live) for his birthday. He was given £400 by his parents for his present, and he wanted to buy 2 specific things that added up to £400, then take a look in one other shop we dont have where we live. We also planned to meet up with an old friend of mine afterwards who i havent seen in over 5 years, but she was only free until a certain time. I found a shop that do ear piercing so wanted to get a new piercing. Unfortunately this took longer than we expected but didn't impact the plan too much. He then needed a wee, so we went to the toilets, but he had a complete meltdown because he didnt like the toilets and couldn't go. We then had to walk about 1/2 mile the other way to find more toilets that he could use, but by the time we we'd done that it was getting late, and we had to either sacrifice going to the last shop he wanted or meeting my friend. I had to cancel on my friend because we had to go to the shop, whereby he saw nothing he liked. Am I being insensitive to his autism and selfish in thinking he should've let me see my friend, given he'd already spent £400 on himself, or should I have just dealt with it because I spent a lot of time in the piercing shop?

OP posts:
CaptainFuture · 22/07/2025 21:57

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 22/07/2025 21:24

Sounds like instead of focusing on his birthday outing, it was rushed through so as to try and fit your friend in.
Not good.

And the piercing ..

BrendaSmall · 22/07/2025 22:06

Wasn’t there a toilet where you were meeting your friend to!?
Im sure he could have gone there and you could have still seen your friend!

Toadstoollover · 22/07/2025 22:39

After your update it just sounds like you tried to pack too much into one day-Cabot, Gordono and Cribbs. I would just chalk it up to experience as it sounds like you just over estimated what you could manage.

noodlebugz · 22/07/2025 23:00

It was HIS birthday weekend. You do things for him. If it’s a mutual friend and it’s convenient fair enough but that doesn’t sound like that’s the case!

AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 22/07/2025 23:16

Fucks sake. Autism or not he should be able to manage shopping and pissing on his own; you should have just left him to it.

Kelzlsdp · 23/07/2025 07:38

I think you were both unreasonable, you for planning and then not turning up for the meeting with your friend, him for insisting you accompany him to the toilet, you both sound very immature, you don't give your age but you sound very young and I think you both need to grow up.

Soberinthecity · 23/07/2025 08:18

You can get your ears pierced anywhere any time, no? His birthday, his choices.

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 23/07/2025 08:25

Jessicoolaa · 22/07/2025 21:23

Was just trying to add some perspective, didnt mean to make excuses but I get where you're coming from.

The thing to take from this is that you both need to manage your needs better. Easy to say, hard to do, but necessary when certain things need to happen. Otherwise resentment will just build up and the relationship will implode.

Madamum18 · 23/07/2025 13:01

Why on earth didnt you meet friends whilst he went to shop. Are you permanently glued together?

BookWorm7 · 23/07/2025 14:14

Jessicoolaa · 22/07/2025 21:18

Yeah that's a point 🫤 that's why i haven't brought it up with him, just needed a bit of a vent and perspective. 9 months sober though wheey 😁

Well done on the sobriety! xx

Jessicoolaa · 23/07/2025 18:15

BookWorm7 · 23/07/2025 14:14

Well done on the sobriety! xx

Thank you! 😊 xx

OP posts:
MusicMakesItAllBetter · 02/08/2025 14:25

Jessicoolaa · 21/07/2025 19:19

Also my mum was looking after our kids for us while we had our first child-less outing since november. She cant do it often because she lives 2 1/2 hours away, and I cant really get a piercing usually because I don't know how I would be able to entertain a 1 year old in a piercing shop.

Sorry because I know I'm late to the party and maybe someone else has said it but I got this far reading your comments only but a 1 yr old can go in a buggy surely for the time it takes to have a piercing done.
It's not like it was a tattoo that takes hours. You may have to wait because someone's in front of you in the queue perhaps but a piercing is quick.

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 02/08/2025 14:35

Read all of your comments OP.
I totally get the autism/toilet thing and I understand even more about the piercing thing. Impulsive behaviour because I don't too.
Agree that scheduling days out is the way forward.

Well done on your sobriety, you're doing amazingly!! ✨

Jessicoolaa · 03/08/2025 13:37

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 02/08/2025 14:35

Read all of your comments OP.
I totally get the autism/toilet thing and I understand even more about the piercing thing. Impulsive behaviour because I don't too.
Agree that scheduling days out is the way forward.

Well done on your sobriety, you're doing amazingly!! ✨

Thank you, that means a lot 😊

OP posts:
Jessicoolaa · 03/08/2025 13:39

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 02/08/2025 14:25

Sorry because I know I'm late to the party and maybe someone else has said it but I got this far reading your comments only but a 1 yr old can go in a buggy surely for the time it takes to have a piercing done.
It's not like it was a tattoo that takes hours. You may have to wait because someone's in front of you in the queue perhaps but a piercing is quick.

Yeah that's a fair point, good to know for next time!

OP posts:
TheOriginalEmu · 06/08/2025 05:59

Jessicoolaa · 03/08/2025 13:39

Yeah that's a fair point, good to know for next time!

I’ve taken a baby with me for a piercing before. Just check when you book in. Most places are fine when it’s a baby in a buggy,

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