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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be pissed off at my husband for making me miss out seeing an old friend on his birthday?

141 replies

Jessicoolaa · 21/07/2025 16:14

We went to bristol (where we used to live) for his birthday. He was given £400 by his parents for his present, and he wanted to buy 2 specific things that added up to £400, then take a look in one other shop we dont have where we live. We also planned to meet up with an old friend of mine afterwards who i havent seen in over 5 years, but she was only free until a certain time. I found a shop that do ear piercing so wanted to get a new piercing. Unfortunately this took longer than we expected but didn't impact the plan too much. He then needed a wee, so we went to the toilets, but he had a complete meltdown because he didnt like the toilets and couldn't go. We then had to walk about 1/2 mile the other way to find more toilets that he could use, but by the time we we'd done that it was getting late, and we had to either sacrifice going to the last shop he wanted or meeting my friend. I had to cancel on my friend because we had to go to the shop, whereby he saw nothing he liked. Am I being insensitive to his autism and selfish in thinking he should've let me see my friend, given he'd already spent £400 on himself, or should I have just dealt with it because I spent a lot of time in the piercing shop?

OP posts:
Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 21/07/2025 16:16

Why couldn't you have gone to meet your friend and told him to meet you there when he'd finished what he was doing?

tryingtobesogood · 21/07/2025 16:16

Well, it was HIS birthday outing and not yours, so I think he gets to call the shots here.

Boomer55 · 21/07/2025 16:16

It was his birthday. Your ear piercings and mate meet wasn’t really for him were they? 🤷‍♀️

AppropriateAdult · 21/07/2025 16:17

That's frustrating, OP. Did you consider leaving him to visit the last shop on his own while you went off to meet your friend?

Spindleweed · 21/07/2025 16:17

Well, some of the lateness was you getting a piercing, surely? And did you need to escort him to the loo?

jay55 · 21/07/2025 16:17

Seems like it’s your fault for getting the unscheduled piercing.

OutdoorQueen · 21/07/2025 16:18

You spent longer in the piercing shop? You delayed the day first!

Unsure why you had to go to everything together though, just meet your friend & tell him where to meet you?

TokyoSushi · 21/07/2025 16:18

It sounds like a lot of his birthday day was about you...

QuietLifeNoDrama · 21/07/2025 16:25

Surely his finding a toilet couldn’t have taken that much time. If it had that much of an impact sounds like you were already pressed for time anyway. Not sure why you didn’t both go your separate ways for an hour though.

RantzNotBantz · 21/07/2025 16:38

Walking a mile takes about 15 minutes. 20 if you walk leisurely. You must have been planning a very short meeting with your friend if a 15 minute walk stopped you seeing her.

And your piercing took longer.

His birthday, you tried to fit too much in.

DongDingBell · 21/07/2025 16:41

Are you joined at the hip?
Assuming not, husband goes to the loo and the last shop on his own, you meet with your friend.

SENNeeds2 · 21/07/2025 16:41

It’s was his birthday outing and you’ve made it about you and then you have the audacity to call out him being autistic as the issue - rather than the problem was you are unhappy because you had things you wanted to do on his birthday outing.

LaLaLandDreams · 21/07/2025 16:47

It sound like you wouldn’t have had alot of time even without the piercing and toilet drama. You should have told him to go off ok his own.

CherryYellowCouch · 21/07/2025 16:50

The day doesn’t seem to have been very well planned.

But it was his birthday so his shopping takes preference.

I can absolutely see why the loo thing would be frustrating for you, it must be quite difficult to deal with

pictoosh · 21/07/2025 16:59

Weeeellll, I suppose on the face of it, you ran out of time because of the piercing taking longer than expected.

Shatteredallthetimelately · 21/07/2025 17:23

I found a shop that do ear piercing so wanted to get a new piercing. Unfortunately this took longer than we expected but didn't impact the plan too much.

Reading your post it seems like the piercing wasn't planned into the day from the off.
Makes no sense that it took longer than expected...
but in the next breath didn't impact to much..

Missing a meet up with your friend had nothing to do with your DH, needing the loo can't be helped, even if he didn't like the first one for whatever reason.

It sounds very much like stopping for the piercing did have an impact on your day, this is one thing that could have waited until all your planned trips had been seen too then if time allowed you should have returned to the shop.

steff13 · 21/07/2025 17:29

Is this a reverse? It seems like if you hadn't gotten the piercing you would have had time to meet your friend. Because of that you had to choose between meeting the friend and going to the store he wanted to go to and it was his birthday.

Why couldn't he have gone to the store on his own and you could have met your friend on your own?

outerspacepotato · 21/07/2025 17:31

Why didn't you get your piercings another time if meeting up with your friend was your priority?

I mean, it was his birthday. Why didn't you prioritize him? 🙄

whistlesandbells · 21/07/2025 17:37

I would have left him in the first loo. 🤷‍♀️

autienotnaughty · 21/07/2025 17:40

Did he want to see the friend on his birthday?
Given the arrangements were made I would have gone to meet friend and caught up with him after the shop but it sounds like you tried to pack a lot in

nam3c4ang3 · 21/07/2025 17:42

So you’re mad at him on HIS birthday because you delayed everything and the you didn’t get to see your friend? Yeah OK.

ThejoyofNC · 21/07/2025 17:45

Sounds like the pair of you were pissing about and wasted a lot of time.

bellamorgan · 21/07/2025 17:47

It was his birthday trip and you already wasted part of it in your unplanned overrunning piercing. It’s your own fault you didn’t get to meet your friend.

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 21/07/2025 17:53

Surely the answer is that he should have gone to the shop (and toilet!) by himself whilst you went to meet the friend?!

Ponderingwindow · 21/07/2025 17:56

Would you even have had time to order coffee with your friend? It seems you had already delayed your meet up with earlier diversions.

you also could have split up, gone to meet your friend, and reconnected with your husband after.

Honestly, I would be annoyed if someone scheduled a friend meetup and added in a time factor to it.. in my brain that now creates a cycle where I have to worry about time all day instead of just enjoying myself. I’ve learned enough about myself to have refused the plan in principle. I would have said meet your friend early in the day, do it separately, or not at all. The ticking time clock later in the day would ruin my day. That is just my variety of ASD. It’s the same if I have any afternoon appt. It dominates my entire day and I can’t think about anything else.