AIBU to be pissed off at my husband for making me miss out seeing an old friend on his birthday?

[Jessicoolaa]

We went to bristol (where we used to live) for his birthday. He was given £400 by his parents for his present, and he wanted to buy 2 specific things that added up to £400, then take a look in one other shop we dont have where we live. We also planned to meet up with an old friend of mine afterwards who i havent seen in over 5 years, but she was only free until a certain time. I found a shop that do ear piercing so wanted to get a new piercing. Unfortunately this took longer than we expected but didn't impact the plan too much. He then needed a wee, so we went to the toilets, but he had a complete meltdown because he didnt like the toilets and couldn't go. We then had to walk about 1/2 mile the other way to find more toilets that he could use, but by the time we we'd done that it was getting late, and we had to either sacrifice going to the last shop he wanted or meeting my friend. I had to cancel on my friend because we had to go to the shop, whereby he saw nothing he liked. Am I being insensitive to his autism and selfish in thinking he should've let me see my friend, given he'd already spent £400 on himself, or should I have just dealt with it because I spent a lot of time in the piercing shop?

You could have got your piercing any time. If you were that bothered about seeing your friend you should have prioritised that.

Such a strange post but I think you are unreasonable...

It was his birthday trip so fair that he chose to go to the shop that you don't have in your local area
Also
You chose to get ears pierced which took up time on this trip
Finally
You could have told him to catch you up and gone to meet your friend whilst he went to shop

You created the first delay, it's on you. Also, why couldn't you have left him to it for a while, gone to meet her, and then join up again?

I don't think your piercing needed to be a priority.

Maybe the piercing delayed things a bit but surely the half mile trek looking for 'acceptable' loos was the main issue. Unless he is quite disabled, why on earth do you need to take a grown man to the loo? Let him look for a suitable spot by himself. In fact, he should have told you to go meet your friend considering that you'd already done pretty much done everything he wanted for that day. Bizarre.

This is weird. You delayed the day doing something you-centred on his birthday. You had also planned to meet a friend (presumably very briefly) who wasn’t a mutual on his birthday. You sound a bit selfish. The weirdest of all is you could easily have said ‘I’ll go meet my mate see you there/back at the hotel in an hour’, but you didn’t so presumably you weren’t that bothered about the friend? And he’s autistic!

It sounds like the delay was caused by your piercing, and by planning too many things into the day.

The toilet thing is absolutely related to his autism and not something he chose.

But I don't understand why to didn't split up so he could go to the shop and you see your friend?

Personally for me, if I’d already agreed the itinerary upfront with my DH and he was happy with it and time starting running away for whatever reason, I’d have asked if he was happy to go to his last shop alone (especially as you say he knows the area having lived there previously) and if he was then I’d have parted ways to meet my friend on time.

Just take it as a lesson learned for anything similar in future to also agree a sort of contingency/plan B to ensure any priority elements of your trip stay on track.

Certainly the piercing took longer than, what, a 7 minute walk each way 15 minutes total maybe?

YABU
Is this another of the stupid toilet threads in disguise?

Not your DHs fault at all. You wasted the you time getting a piercing instead of seeing your friend. That's on you

If you haven't bothered making the effort to go to Bristol to see this friend on one of your own birthdays over the last 5 years then its not really that much of a friendship!

Certainly not one that you would prioritise over a piercing.

You should have prioritised your friend over the piercing OP. It was his birthday yabu.

All sounds a bit chaotic really.
Not sure why you couldn’t have separated for the last part and done your own things.
Why was the piercing something that needed to be done there and then? Surely there’s somewhere closer to home that you could have had it done?
especially when it seemed you were on a tight time schedule and had someone you had planned in advance to meet and this was dependent on everything else running to time.
Regarding it being his birthday, dh and I see our birthdays as just another day unless it’s a ‘big’ one but even then I’d not begrudge dh taking a bit of time out of it coincided with the possibility to meet up with a friend for the first time in years for an hour.
Anyway, the whole thread is just a bit baffling to me, sort of like 2 8 year olds have tried to plan a day out!

Are you both 14? FFS.

No. You prioritised your piercing over seeing your friend. He did nothing wrong wanting to go to shops on his birthday, when you were actually there for his birthday.

Meeting my friend was up near the other shopping centre, which he did want to go to before everyone jumps on that as a reason I was "making the day all about me" so i couldn't do it while he was in the shop. I literally spent the whole rest of the day doing what he wanted, going to vision express to buy meta glasses, going to john Lewis to buy an iwatch, we went out for breakfast and dinner, I bought him coffee, went in the shops he wanted. He's a 35 year-old man ffs, does the whole day need to be about him? We have 3 kids and literally everything i do is for everyone else, so sorry for wanting to meet up with someone I havent seen in 5 years, because we live in Devon, and wanting to get a piercing, I mean that probably took like 30 mins.

Even when you stomp your feet and throw your toys out of the pram, you're still out of order. A day of things he wants to do for his birthday is absolutely standard.

Also my mum was looking after our kids for us while we had our first child-less outing since november. She cant do it often because she lives 2 1/2 hours away, and I cant really get a piercing usually because I don't know how I would be able to entertain a 1 year old in a piercing shop.

But when you noticed it was getting near to friend meeting time, didn't you say "oh, I'm going to meet friend now...you go and find another toilet/go to x shop and I'll go meet friend as I don't have time to do both"

It doesn't make sense that he needed to miss his last shop to facilitate you meeting friend, its not clear why you didn't split up and do theast but separate.

You did get something for you though. On his birthday trip you went out and got your piercing. You had a day out with breakfast and dinner out. That wasn’t just for him you got to enjoy that treat too.

If I had made a plan for my birthday to visit an area and dh managed to tag on a 30 minutes with a friend he could either go off alone to see his mate or not waste the 30 minutes doing something else.

If it’s a rare hours away trip for you it’s exactly that for him as well to enjoy what he wants on his birthday.

as for the but I never get time. Leave the 1 year old with the dh for an hour on a Saturday and get your piercing.

You hand the child to its father and say "I'm off to the piercing shop, see you later" 🤷‍♂️

Exactly and if you can’t do that noticing you say KIDS op I wouldn’t have had more than one before realising he couldn’t cope with one alone for an hour.

Your partner looks after your child whilst you go and get a piercing one day when you are both off work.

There are plenty of piercing shops in Devon so not sure why you had to get this done on this trip. As others have said you could do this any day, just let your partner look after the children while you go to the appointment!
Sounds like you delayed things but doing this and as it was his birthday then the shops he wanted to go to do take priority. I don't see why you both had to find a toilet and why you couldn't meet a friend - or both go to meet the friend as surely if meeting them for a drink or food there would be toilet facilities at that venue.