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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister's wedding and no children invited

713 replies

BigSister1991 · 21/07/2025 14:15

My younger sister is getting married next year and no children (including family children) are invited to any of the wedding celebrations. We will have two children by then (aged 2.5 and 6 months). They are the only children in the family.

The wedding is 2 hours drive from our home and over 3 days - starting on Friday and ending on Sunday.

Our blood family only consists of my Mum and Sister and so I'm disappointed that my Sister would not want her nephew/niece there or want to include them in the day (and that there won't be any photos of them there). I work full time and weekends with my children are important to me and so I'm sad to have to spend 2 days away from them.

The expectation from my Mum and Sister is that me and my husband attend the wedding without our children without complaint and sort and pay for any childcare arrangements that are required.

OP posts:
Chipsahoy · 21/07/2025 17:38

I’d go to the wedding itself, leave dh with kids in car or in a park or something and then I’d go home right after.

Roselilly36 · 21/07/2025 17:40

YABU it’s your sisters wedding, it’s her choice. You can decide whether you can attend, could your in laws care for the children whilst you attend the wedding, perhaps stay at a hotel? Total understandable to not want to be away from your very young family over 3 days. Do what’s right for you.

Charmofgoldfinch · 21/07/2025 17:45

Another day - another child free wedding thread on Mumsnet. OP - your sister is allowed to choose a childfree wedding. You just need to decide if you want to still attend, for the whole thing or just part of it. Your sister will know there is a risk that you won’t attend and has still gone ahead with her plans

NotAtMyAge · 21/07/2025 17:47

Poopeepoopee · 21/07/2025 14:26

Push back.

Make a bit of a fuss

Tell them if the kids can't go then unfortunately you won't be going.

Make it clear that if the kids start crying during the ceremony that you'll take them out so as not to spoilt it.

But push back, this one time.

Many years ago, when our two were the same ages as your children will be, we went down from Cumberland to Kent in our ancient tiny campervan so that DH could act as best man for his closest friend. I was left looking after the children because DH was so busy and in fact missed the vows because DD needed a feed. But there was no suggestion we shouldn't bring them, particularly since DD was being breastfed. A completely outrageous suggestion from your sister and her husband-to-be, IMO.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 21/07/2025 17:47

I'd take the kids and take turns in staying in the hotel with them and get a sitter just for the ceremony

NigelPonsonbySmallpiece · 21/07/2025 17:49

Chipsahoy · 21/07/2025 17:38

I’d go to the wedding itself, leave dh with kids in car or in a park or something and then I’d go home right after.

This. But make a day of it and find something nice to do in the area. So day trip with a side quest of watch a quick wedding ceremony and leave.

WeatherDependant · 21/07/2025 17:52

KarmenPQZ · 21/07/2025 14:23

Sorry this is a tricky one. If your kids are the only kids I can kinda see her decision. It would be nice if she accepted ‘babes in arms’ which is relatively common at kids free weddings but then that doesn’t help you with the 2.5 year old and they can be pretty disruptive at weddings so it’s her decision.

As a compromise I would book a room in the wedding area for all 4 of you and hubby misses wedding to look after the kids whilst you’re there. But when there’s no wedding stuff going on then you at least get time with your family. I think your kids are too young especially the 6 month old to be left with babysitters all weekend so your sisters request for your husband is negated by her request for no kids and you should explain that to her.

in all honesty, How “disruptive” can a 2.5 year old really be?!

WhereYouLeftIt · 21/07/2025 17:55

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 21/07/2025 17:47

I'd take the kids and take turns in staying in the hotel with them and get a sitter just for the ceremony

Posted by OP at 15.03
"The venue won't have children overnight so that isn't an option (it is typically a child free venue - as it's normally a Michelin starred restaurant & hotel). "

If they did that, they'd have to leave right after the ceremony to drive the kids (and sitter) home as they would not be allowed by the hotel to stay. And they'd have paid for a hotel room just to use it during the ceremony?

Wishihadanalgorithm · 21/07/2025 17:56

I’d just not do any of it. I wouldn’t be paying a penny towards this either.

Your DS isn’t bothered about family so why should you be bothered about her wedding?

If she loses money in the cost of your MOH outfit and room then that’s too bad.

(I’m done with bending over backwards to please others who don’t care a jot about me - can you tell? 😃)

Seriously, she has put you in a bad position and ultimately you have to choose your own young family over her.

thepariscrimefiles · 21/07/2025 17:56

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 21/07/2025 17:47

I'd take the kids and take turns in staying in the hotel with them and get a sitter just for the ceremony

OP has said that the hotel is child free too.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 21/07/2025 17:59

I would go without your husband and only for the day of the wedding. Either stay one night or stay sober and drive home. That way you've done your duty as her sister but you haven't gone the extra mile.

Fuck leaving your baby and toddler for three days. If she ever has children hopefully she'll understand why this is an unreasonable request.

PullingOutHair123 · 21/07/2025 17:59

Mumof361168 · 21/07/2025 17:16

It’s up to your sister whether she has a child free wedding, and up to you whether you arrange child care to be there. But whether you go or not, you’ll feel uncomfortable and it will linger.

My two girls (7 and 5 at the time) were bridesmaids for my sister when she got married 250 miles away from where we live. But they were banned from the evening do and I (MOH) had to spend the evening entertaining them in our hotel room, missing the whole thing. She wouldn’t budge on the decision. I love my sister but I’m still sore about it 13 years later.

Bloody hell. Not a chance in hell would I have done that for my sibling. Either you want us all there or you don't. To expect you to drive 250 miles for some photos and then kicked out while everyone else celebrates? Fuck that!

In the same vein - OP I would say No in your shoes as well. It's your Sister who is setting ridiculous expectations, and you do not need to tip toe around her!

MummyJ36 · 21/07/2025 18:02

A others have said, she can do what she wants but I really do think this is hurtful and short sighted of her. Does she not see how difficult this is for you to navigate (both emotionally and also practically)?

Could you perhaps go for one night for the main wedding and bow out of the other festivities? Who would be looking after your kids during this time?

Brefugee · 21/07/2025 18:04

BigSister1991 · 21/07/2025 14:44

I am her Maid of Honour. The venue has accommodation which we are pre-booked into - I am told this is not child friendly (no travel cots, toddler beds, high chairs or changing areas).

nah, i'd be sacking that off.

My sibling got married 3 weeks after i gave birth, and their partner has never forgiven me for not going....

ExhaustedElephant · 21/07/2025 18:04

makingthecut · 21/07/2025 17:12

How exactly does an overexcited toddler and a 6 month old baby add to the happy and emotional moments?

For lots of people they don’t.

Sometimes they’re not cute and funny, they’re noisy and annoying. Every single child in the world can be noisy and annoying. Your delightful might be someone else’s obnoxious.

I actually like children but I absolutely defend the right of any couple to not invite children to their wedding.

One of these children is either tiny or hasn’t even been born yet if the baby will be 6 months old next year. And there are no other children at the wedding where they will have to move their venue completely to accommodate them.

Show quote history

It’s your immediate close family. They are part of your lives and will hopefully be forever. It’s so precious to exclude them. It’s completely alien to my idea of family and weddings.

Of course people are free to do as they want and I’m sure child-free weddings will increase in frequency as social media continues to expand and people become more and more self-obsessed.

Pip2581 · 21/07/2025 18:05

I’ve been to plenty of child free weddings and able to sort child care out for the day but 3 days without your 6 month old is not a reasonable ask…

I have a 7 month old and a 3 year old and I wouldn’t leave them both for 3 days for anybody's wedding. My 7 month old wakes every few hours (what baby sitter wants to take that on for 3 days) and my 3 year old would be really emotional too. My sister wouldn’t ask this but personally at most I’d be saying I’d come for 24 hours and only if I felt comfortable leaving them overnight at the time.

LaLaLandDreams · 21/07/2025 18:05

It would be a no from me.

naturalcrackle111 · 21/07/2025 18:07

I simply wouldn’t go.

Im a gypsy and when I read threads like this it fascinates me because our weddings are not child free. Family and friends are a big thing in my culture, so we don’t exclude anyone. We are very much “it takes a village” so everyone is invited.

K1P1K1 · 21/07/2025 18:07

I would be very hurt at that op ☹️

I'm all for the couple being able to choose how they want their wedding to go, and the invitees can then choose whether to attend. No children is a legitimate choice - I'd go to a local wedding of a close friend or cousin or something without DCs your ages, but would decline a 2hr away 3 day affair for the same people and wouldn't expect any drama, that's just life. But a breezy decline with best wishes is impossible for a sister...

I don't know what I'd do if pushed, but I would be talking to my sister very seriously over this and making sure she knew the position she's putting you in. And the implication that she doesn't consider her own nieces and nephews as family, and how much that hurts.

You are not actually required for the full 3 days op. I think I'd find a way to travel for the day and ceremony, but that would be as far as I'd compromise here. Pre-booked rooms can go to waste if need be.

Good luck working through this. I'm sorry this is how it's turned out for your family. x

SweetFancyMoses · 21/07/2025 18:08

Well, you either go or you don’t. I’m sure she’ll understand if you don’t.

I think weddings are vastly better for not having any children present. Why not go and leave them with your husband?

NightDreaming · 21/07/2025 18:09

I do tend to stick to “it’s their wedding, it’s their rules” mantra, even if I don’t agree which it, I don’t say anything.

however, with this being your only sister, and for such a long thing, plus a 6 month old?? I mean I couldn’t have gone to a singular day wedding without any of my 3 at 6 months as they all still were breastfeeding and refusing bottles.

I think I would say to her you absolutely would love to be there to celebrate her wedding, and you are honoured to asked to be maid of honour. However. If she can’t change the no-kids rule for you then the most you’ll be able to manage is driving up in the day to arrive in time to get changed, then will need to drive back post wedding breakfast (or whatever time you think you can stay until). And that your husband will need to stay home with the kids.

stand firm in the not being able to come for 3 days if she’s sticking to no kids. You are not then asking her to change it. Not letting her know the consequences for you if she doesn’t adapt to your at all.

Whatever happens I hope you & she have a lovely day.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 21/07/2025 18:09

makingthecut · 21/07/2025 17:12

How exactly does an overexcited toddler and a 6 month old baby add to the happy and emotional moments?

For lots of people they don’t.

Sometimes they’re not cute and funny, they’re noisy and annoying. Every single child in the world can be noisy and annoying. Your delightful might be someone else’s obnoxious.

I actually like children but I absolutely defend the right of any couple to not invite children to their wedding.

One of these children is either tiny or hasn’t even been born yet if the baby will be 6 months old next year. And there are no other children at the wedding where they will have to move their venue completely to accommodate them.

Show quote history

Right, fine, but the bride is expecting both the OP and her husband to attend for the full shebang.

It might not even be possible for them to find someone willing to babysit a 6 month old baby and a 2.5 year old from Friday to Sunday. If they don't have a family member on her husband's side or a friend who is willing to do it, I would be surprised if you could actually find a reputable babysitter who would accept a job like that. And even if you could, God only knows how much it would cost.

And that's quite apart from the fact that a 6 month old is likely to be completely traumatised being separated from his or her mother and father for several days. Not to mention the impact on breastfeeding if that is what the OP chooses to do.

If you don't want kids at your wedding, fine, you do you. But you cannot demand that the parents of a baby and toddler both attend your three day wedding without their children. You just cannot. It doesn't matter whether one of them is your sister. If you wanted your sister at your wedding that badly you wouldn't impose conditions making it impossible for her to attend.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 21/07/2025 18:11

SweetFancyMoses · 21/07/2025 18:08

Well, you either go or you don’t. I’m sure she’ll understand if you don’t.

I think weddings are vastly better for not having any children present. Why not go and leave them with your husband?

Did you read the OP all the way to the end?

Avantiagain · 21/07/2025 18:11

"Children don't belong at weddings, especially toddlers and a 6 month old."

Toddlers and babies were welcome at mine.

MadMadMad · 21/07/2025 18:11

We were always happy to leave ours even overnight but we wouldn’t be doing this. It would be a sorry but we won’t be at the wedding and I won’t be MOH as we are a family and we come together. They have deliberately chosen a venue to exclude you and yours so I would be not attending.