Sister's wedding and no children invited

[BigSister1991]

My younger sister is getting married next year and no children (including family children) are invited to any of the wedding celebrations. We will have two children by then (aged 2.5 and 6 months). They are the only children in the family.

The wedding is 2 hours drive from our home and over 3 days - starting on Friday and ending on Sunday.

Our blood family only consists of my Mum and Sister and so I'm disappointed that my Sister would not want her nephew/niece there or want to include them in the day (and that there won't be any photos of them there). I work full time and weekends with my children are important to me and so I'm sad to have to spend 2 days away from them.

The expectation from my Mum and Sister is that me and my husband attend the wedding without our children without complaint and sort and pay for any childcare arrangements that are required.

Blimey. Why did she ban them from the evening do?

It's very easy to say just don't go then but most of us would feel an obligation to be at our sister's wedding. I would be really hurt in this situation too OP.

I get this OP. My sibling didn't invite my DC (who were aged 10-14 at the time) because his wife had 'too many children on her side'. They were all first and second cousins, which to me isn't the same as nieces/nephews. It would have been unthinkable to me not to invite his children, my only nieces, to my wedding.

Expecting to you be away from three small children for 3 days is ridiculous. Just don't go but wish her well. You can't change her requirements but it's really not compulsory and I think few parents would agree to it in your situation.
As an aside, I also think three days for any wedding is ridiculous and I couldn't bear it even without the kids question.

This is bonkers. Does she not realise that you have young children?

You need to have a serious conversation with your sister and make her realise just how difficult this is for you. Ask her to reconsider. If she refuses to budge then you’ll have to let her know there’s a limited amount of time you will be available to be there as her maid of honour (and sister!). You won’t be able to stay overnight either side of the wedding day and will have to leave the event sooner than you’d have liked at the end of the wedding day. You’ll also be extremely sad not to have your husband there with you but she’s left no other option as you can’t leave your toddler and young baby with anyone else for such a long period of time. That’s your compromise.

Ah I missed that update. Just wondering if there was any reason she’d feel it was acceptable ie op had a child free wedding so nothing wrong with her having it.

No real reason for her to ban her nieces then.

Is there trouble in his side with relatives with kids??

Of course she can have the wedding day she wants, but she can't insist that her sister attends for three days, leaving her children, one of which will be a six month old baby.

The bride and the bride's mum's expectations of OP are unrealistic and quite unkind:

'The expectation from my Mum and Sister is that me and my husband attend the wedding without our children without complaint and sort and pay for any childcare arrangements that are required.'

Completely understand about not wanting to leave a 6m old baby, however it’s your sisters wedding and she can do as she pleases. YABU to expect her to change her wishes to accommodate you. If you don’t like it, don’t go.

Just go for the day. Or one night and be gone in the morning. I don't think a wedding is today place for a 6 month old. She cant expect you to be there for the whole 3 day shindig though.

This is probably what I would do. I would attend the actual ceremony and stay for a short time at the reception but then drive straight home, leaving DH with children for the day. 2hr drive makes this just doable. Or I might stay overnight but just one night - the wedding night and leave early the next day - though with a 6 month old, I would probably come home the same day

Simply because she and her husband wanted a child free evening do. His children went back to their mum’s but I didn’t have that option, all the responsible adult members of my family were at the wedding and I was a long way from home.

i wouldn’t leave a 6 month old for that long. Wouldn’t want to and it’s too unpredictable what they will be like.

If it was in a nice area and it suited I might turn it on to a family mini break. Stay with your family nearby. Then go to the ceremony in the morning. Leave after a photo and return for dinner part. Leave shortly after.

but equally you have a good reason not to, although it seems like making a statement. Babies in arms are usually exempt from no children rules as they can be breast feeding!

Children don't belong at weddings, especially toddlers and a 6 month old. You're being selfish to expect them to be allowed. In life, there are some places children can't go. Part of being an adult is knowing this and planning accordingly.

Three days aside (which i think is the unreasonable expectation here.) Im getting married for the second time. I don't want children at my wedding as its an adult focused party with lots of booze and I don't want kids running round. They take the attention of their parents and cause disruption, that's not the type of party we're going for. I won't be offended however if people decline. So far all my friends barr one have said they're happy its child free and cant wait to attend. The one that's struggling to attend has been reassured that its ok and that we understand if they can't manage it.

No. You can go on the day, without the children, or for the whole thing with the children. You can’t leave a 6 month old for three days.

I love my nephew but hes 19 months old, he doesn't give a shit if he's at my wedding or not and as much as I love him it doesnt matter to me if he sees me getting married or not, as again he's a baby. If he was a teen then it may be different.

They're within their right to do it of course but I think it's a bit tight of them to be honest. You're her sister and your children a really young. I imagine a lot of your suitable childcare options aren't unavailable because it's a family wedding. If it was me I would make the exception. I wouldn't feel comfortable paying a stranger to look after my 6 month old and 2.5 year old, I think they're too young.

I can see a lot of people are in support of the whole "their wedding, their choice" thing. Of course everyone is free to do what they want but your choices have consequences. I think this is really unsupportive of your sister and potentially damaging to your relationship. All I can think is that you don't have a good relationship with your sister as is and maybe there isn't much to lose.

What a silly thing to say. 'Children don't belong at weddings.' 🙄

dh stays home with the children
you go to the ceremony

explain why, don’t lose sleep over it.

Your sister doesn't have to invite children, not everyone is enamoured with them. But you don't have to leave yours for 3 days if you don't want to. Either say you're not going or try and figure out how you could go to a bit of it.

You could bring the kids to an Airbnb close to the wedding and pop out to the ceremony etc. Either for a day or all of it? If you can't get someone you trust them it'll have to be DH, which is a shame but at least you can be there.

There's wiggle room here, I don't know that anyone has to be offended.

As the baby will only be six months and the wedding is over three days, it is unreasonable for her mum and her sister to insist that she attends and finds someone to babysit. OP is perfectly entitled to decline the invitation as her children come first.

When my family did this I went to the ceremony itself while husband minded child - and then left. Pre booked accommodation or not I would stay elsewhere, attend for the minimum possible time and husband would not attend. I'd refuse being Moh, I'm afraid.

You need to get yourself a backbone.

Tell you sister it will not possible to leave your 6 month old for that long. Tell her plans sound lovely (sound genuinely impressed) and you are so sad to miss it some of it. But you will be there for the important parts, you will travel to the venue in the morning (or night before and take your own travel cot) for her wedding ceremony as you don't want to miss it, the children will come and be minded locally during the ceremony (if you can) so you can be available to nip out if they need you and you will leave after the meal to travel home.

Tell her you would love to still be her maid of honour for the ceremony but understand completely if she wants to have a different maid of honour who doesn't have as many children commitments as you do.

Set your boundaries firmly. You will not leave your child that long and she will need to work around you.

This or something similar would be how I'd manage it. A six month old is tricky to leave for long.