Should my child have learnt what I refer to as essential life skills at school?

[SunriseSunsetFullMoon]

like resilience and emotional intelligence?
Situations that arise out in the public domain (educational establishments) that lead to confrontation or bullying or disappointment - is it all my responsibility as a parent to solely educate my child, or should the schools be doing it in the classes?
Some educators see what's happening and appear to choose to ignore the situation, and missing an opportunity to teach better behavior as well as incurring the consequences of ones actions. Or is that just to hard a job for them? And if it is - why?

AIBU to expect immediate consequences for behavior that creates fear or annoyance in others?

Has your child learnt how to critically think through situations - not to rebel, but be responsible and making informed choices. I can only do so much from my point of reference - surely the education system has more to offer than what I can see and have experienced with my child.

Would be interested in your thoughts and experiences.

I think all adults involved in teaching children have some responsibility to encourage the development of these traits. I say traits as I don't class either resilience or EI as 'skills'. They are character traits that are demonstrated by behaviour and attitudes (stoicism, persistence, positivity, tact, sensitivity). I think these behaviors and attitudes should be encouraged in all spheres a child inhabits, so school and home, hobbies etc.

Let me know where I can find your finished article OP

I'm seeing that different schools have different approaches - so not everyone gets to have the same or similar experience - that's where the inequality debate comes in I guess😞I'm really glad you have a great school, as I do believe there are elements in the educational establishments and curriculums as well as teachers inherent abilities that have nuances in indirectly teaching these life skills.

I do think schools should develop critical thinking skills, which are needed now more than ever but the rest you refer to us down to parents parents are also responsible fir developing critical thinking.
Critical thinking is used in all parts of daily life, eg weighing up what outcomes are going to happen from actions, working things out logically, being able to debate and see wider points of view, being able to compare benefits of, say items compared to item b and so on, thinking things through, eg think long term rather than acting in the moment and what is likely to happen.
These are every day examples and obviously critical thinking in an academic setting is different.

It can be taught.

Exactly this, no other comment necessary.

because I don't have the full perspective of the educations system and the situation, mine is only a a fraction of the perspective - have now had interesting insight through this thread - thank you

There is enormous inequality in state schools ranging from:

• cohorts
• SEN
• catchment areas
• resources + facilties
• having sufficient teachers + subject specialists (or not)
• parental involvement
• parental wealth

And much more

please see comment on critical thinking shared earlier today. Maths is not the only critical thinking. Hope it enlightens you.

Primarily it's the role of the parents.
School will also contribute but this tends to be more as a secondary effect from stuff like waiting your turn, not being the centre of attention, not allowed to win all the time, being able to cope with light hearted teasing and recognise the difference between that and bullying/when to speak out. Someone has pointed out that resilience etc is part of the PSHE curriculum which is great but I think most of the schools contribution will be secondary/by osmosis.

Most kids do learn resilience etc from parents and school but the parental contribution is the most important foundation. I've seen kids who were coddled a lot at home really struggle to adjust to the school environment. School adds another different layer not available at home because most of us don't have 20 children to look after at the same time!

I know it isn't. I was giving one example. Didn't realise I had to list them all. Please include rules for replies next time. Why so tetchy?

It's both the school and the parents job to teach these skills.

A classroom setting is a unique environment that mimics very little in terms of life outside the school gate. Teachers absolutely have a duty to assist pupils in learning how to negotiate this.
Same as parents should teach basic manners.

'book smart' sounds American. But a solid knowledge base from a knowledge rich curriculum is what promotes critical thinking, which can be practised but not taught i.e. it is first order knowledge (innate) whereas the knowledge base we use is second order (has to be actively taught).
True, most parents haven't a clue what goes on in schools e.g. the downgrading of the arts and humanities in favour of emphasis on STEM subjects because the economy. The economy is for the people, not the people for the economy.

In answer to your first question, I would say that these children were usually bought to my attention because they have responsive parents who know something is up (even if their child didn’t open up) or their child is holding it together at school and then totally falling apart at home and they don’t know what to do. They would let me know and together we decide what to do. Sometimes that means a chat with the child, sometimes it means going out during break and watching what’s happening sometimes it the next step is for the parent to do some more digging. It depends on what you’ve been told really. But it’s a perfect example of why parents and teachers should be working together for the child (rather than us v them). If kids don’t tell teachers directly or use the various methods available to tell the teacher something is wrong (leaving a little note for you because they’re not ready to say it etc.) it’s almost impossible to know. Especially if it’s happening outside the classroom and not on your watch. I guess sometimes a friend may come to speak to you but that’s less common. As I think you (or someone else) have said, you have 30 children to look out for and if you’re not seeing something or being told about something, you probably don’t have the time to go out searching for something.

In terms of emotional intelligence and resilience, school know that they can’t guarantee parents are modelling or guiding children in these areas so a lot of it is woven into the curriculum when possible. Teachers are also generally trained to model such skills when dealing with conflicts between students or confidence issues so they do get plenty of exposure at school. But these are skills that children begin to work on in infancy so before school they should have a solid foundation thanks to their primary attachment figure(s). Parents have the most influence on kids most of the time so if they get little input in these areas at home or, worse, if behaviour at home is in direct opposition to what teachers are saying it will almost always fail to get through. It’s not confusing to children, they simply do not engage because the people they love the most have taught them what’s acceptable and what isn’t.

It may just be in the schools I’ve taught in and the threads I’ve seen here and elsewhere but there seems to also be so much pressure on children to achieve academically from parents and society more broadly. In contrast, there is nowhere near as much pressure to ‘achieve’ emotional intelligence. This can be seen in the research into early childcare that is almost compulsory now due to economic factors (it’s often celebrated that children academically move forward when starting nursery so young but little attention is paid to the emotional impact of long hours from a very young age and whether emotional intelligence is also being nurtured). There’s also screens, the number of kids getting tutored plus the number of clubs/activites children now do. Children are so busy and parents are so limited on time with their children, it’s easy to see how children end up lacking in certain skills.

Parenting is a huge responsibility and society/economic factors have made it extremely hard for parents to spend a lot of time with their children. It’s not that they don’t want to do it (in most cases), everyone is just trying to survive. Schools try their best to absorb this and look after the children in their care but they are hugely stretched and can only give each child a certain amount of 1:1 time. I’ve read an excellent book by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate which discusses how this can create peer oriented children (rather than parent oriented) who are much less confident, much more susceptible to bullying others, much more impacted by bullies etc. It’s worth a read!