Should my child have learnt what I refer to as essential life skills at school?

[SunriseSunsetFullMoon]

like resilience and emotional intelligence?
Situations that arise out in the public domain (educational establishments) that lead to confrontation or bullying or disappointment - is it all my responsibility as a parent to solely educate my child, or should the schools be doing it in the classes?
Some educators see what's happening and appear to choose to ignore the situation, and missing an opportunity to teach better behavior as well as incurring the consequences of ones actions. Or is that just to hard a job for them? And if it is - why?

AIBU to expect immediate consequences for behavior that creates fear or annoyance in others?

Has your child learnt how to critically think through situations - not to rebel, but be responsible and making informed choices. I can only do so much from my point of reference - surely the education system has more to offer than what I can see and have experienced with my child.

Would be interested in your thoughts and experiences.

Schools can (and should) reinforce emotional regulation, but it has to be taught at home.

We do up to a point. There are personal development lessons. PE, group games, awards etc. That’s where the parents should have laid foundations and support their child with the same values.

There are consequences for behaviour but there is also a limit to what we can do. Internally excluding and missing break times with friends. Speaking to parents at the end of the day.

Schools are doing this, unfortunately some parents don’t have our backs so instead of hearing what we say they focus on how their child is struggling and how it can be our fault. It’s never their child or their parenting. It’s always someone else’s fault.

Schools teach academic subjects. Life lessons should always be taught by parents. As well as instilling confidence and mental resilience, parents are also in charge of teaching cookery, money skills, household chores, basic car and home maintenance.

If a child leaves home without these basic skills it is an absolute failure of parenting, not schooling.

I see a complete lack of parenting for lots of students. Time parents stepped up, and PARENTED!

I think that there are situations that happen at school where these types of lessons can be taught organically, but for the most part it's a parent's responsibility to teach those sorts of things. Your child has years with you before they even start school. The groundwork at least for most of those things should have been laid by the time they go to school.

Education is a parental responsibility as is a child's health and wellbeing.

Some parts of education can be delegated to a school environment, or not - you can choose to educate otherwise.

Even if you delegate part of your children's education to school it's not a total abdication of responsibility - it's still shared and you as a parent are ultimately responsible for this - ensuring your child attends regularly and with the correct uniform/equipment/attitude.

I would be very wary of giving away parental rights to a school. They already overstep in many areas and it's also true that some parents seem to think that schools exist to provide all education and parenting.

Your child, your responsibility - always.

I don't think someone in a 30:1 ratio with your child has much chance to teach such soft skills. I would hope the school promotes respect, kindness, effort etc but home is where this should be taught and modelled.

Personally, I think that teaching emotional intelligence and resilience are primarily parents’ responsibilities. As PP’s have said, schools can help reinforce those skills but there’s a limit to what they can do with so much children.

If it's the school's job to teach emotional resilience and other essential life skills... then what would you consider "parenting" to consist of?

Is your parenting job finished once they can feed themselves and use a toilet? (Although I guess some parents think it's the school's responsibility to teach those things as well.)

One thing that has always shocked me, as someone who has worked in both primary and secondary schools, is that children / young people don't seem to have any understanding of how important telling the truth is.

Another: that clearly, a lot of parents don't teach the basic manners of not walking away when somebody is talking to you.

And another one: if you are speaking to someone, it is your responsibility to ensure that the person you are speaking to can hear you! The number of children who mumble (don't properly open their mouths), or speak in a volume that's impossible to hear, or don't face the person they are talking to is unreal.

Many Y1 & Y2 children in my experience still pat you for attention, rather than saying "Excuse me".

The number of times I've been in a dining hall and a child has put up their hand, amd then when I've walked over to them, they have handed me a bag of crisps / biscuits/ carton of juice to open without using their words is flabbergasting.

Any parents of young children who are reading this -please instill these very basic life skills into your children as a matter of course, from as soon as they start speaking.

As well as being confident in being able to dress themselves before school!

One thing that has always shocked me, as someone who has worked in both primary and secondary schools, is that children / young people don't seem to have any understanding of how important telling the truth is.

Another: that clearly, a lot of parents don't teach the basic manners of not walking away when somebody is talking to you.

And another one: if you are speaking to someone, it is your responsibility to ensure that the person you are speaking to can hear you! The number of children who mumble (don't properly open their mouths), or speak in a volume that's impossible to hear, or don't face the person they are talking to is unreal.

Many Y1 & Y2 children in my experience still pat you for attention, rather than saying "Excuse me".

The number of times I've been in a dining hall and a child has put up their hand, amd then when I've walked over to them, they have handed me a bag of crisps / biscuits/ carton of juice to open without using their words is flabbergasting.

Any parents of young children who are reading this -please instill these very basic life skills into your children as a matter of course, from as soon as they start speaking.

As well as being confident in being able to dress themselves before school!

Agreed. A good school with FURTHER develop the skills that were initially introduced at home. A GOOD parent will begin to develop these skills BEFORE their child starts school.

It is your job as a parent to raise your children. It is not your child’s teacher’s responsibility to teach them life skills.

Some parents think their job is done once the sperm has fertilised the egg.

I think you need to be really clear about what you’re asking in your post, as my suspicion is something quite particular has happened and it would be far easier to reply if there was context attached.

It is my responsibility as a parent to explain equity and equality which might be ever you’re getting at. Ie why things seem unfair when actually the school are being equitable to a child who has SEN for example. It’s also my job to allow resilience to grow through providing a safe space to recover after disappointment. Loads of my parenting happens in the car while we’re travelling to and fro on the school run and to extra curriculars. So there’s always time.

Agree with this. I think it has to be a team effort- both home and school encouraging and enforcing being a decent person. Children need consistency. My son who has SN gets a lot out of PHSE lessons in school for example (these have covered things like bullying) as class discussions are massively helpful. But he’s known that it’s wrong to be mean to other people and why since before he started nursery school, because I taught him that, although his understanding has obviously improved with age.

There’s not much point in only school teaching resilience if it’s not implemented at home.

No I'm not. I don't particularly like them - had bad past experience!

What's with the people shouting in capslocks on this thread? Bizarre

Anyway, I see the primary role of personal development as resting with parents. But great teachers,.and great schools, do far more than just impart knowledge.

Children learn resilience as they meet each problem, hurt, or disappointment that they encounter, from babyhood up. It's how their parents respondand help them manage those hiccups, that teaches them resilience.

A teacher can't push a child over in order to teach them to cope with the pain of a graze on the knee. They can't deliberately make them fail at something, or engineer a friendship falling out, in order to teach them emotional resilience.

I really don't know what your think a resilience lesson could look like in a class of 30, @SunriseSunsetFullMoon .

The teachers I remember, the teachers who made a difference and who stick with me decades later are the ones who helped shape me as a person.

While I don't dispute that this role should sit with parents too (and I certainly see it as my job) , I have always felt "it takes a village to raise a child".

This is why I am so grateful I can afford and have found great extra curricular hobbies for my children

My daughter's dance teacher for instance very much knows she isn't just teaching dance, but skills for life

My daughter's drama teacher used some of their (online) drama lessons in the pandemic to help them process and work through the enormous changes.

They didn't "have to" do those things, but they understand the privilege of being able to shape young lives

My children's school have done a lot of work on the "learning pit" ( I think it's called that), it's such useful character building stuff.

The first isn't too surprising given the numbers of posters on here who have no qualms about lying.

To the OP, I'd agree with the consensus on here. It's the responsibility of the parent but should be modelled in school.

It's parent responsibility and also, worth noting that parents often do not support schools when we try to develop these skills (emailing about the smallest thing, not letting child have sanctions etc etc)

Schools see our children for more hours in the week day than we do. They are also at the see as much of their social interactions as parents do. I think they have a duty to help
build their resilience and emotional intelligence where they can. There’s just not enough staff or time for each child to do so.

If my child has a disagreement with someone and tells.me. I look from both perspectives and ask my child how it looks from the other persons side. So I go impartial. Always on my child's side but this has enabled my eldest whose 15 to think critically about things. I look at how something can be good and bad again I encourage them to do this as well.

Also teach kids to be good people not 'nice'