Should my child have learnt what I refer to as essential life skills at school?

[SunriseSunsetFullMoon]

like resilience and emotional intelligence?
Situations that arise out in the public domain (educational establishments) that lead to confrontation or bullying or disappointment - is it all my responsibility as a parent to solely educate my child, or should the schools be doing it in the classes?
Some educators see what's happening and appear to choose to ignore the situation, and missing an opportunity to teach better behavior as well as incurring the consequences of ones actions. Or is that just to hard a job for them? And if it is - why?

AIBU to expect immediate consequences for behavior that creates fear or annoyance in others?

Has your child learnt how to critically think through situations - not to rebel, but be responsible and making informed choices. I can only do so much from my point of reference - surely the education system has more to offer than what I can see and have experienced with my child.

Would be interested in your thoughts and experiences.

You writing some sort of article or thesis, OP?

This ⬆️. It's always in place in school; keep trying, it doesn't matter if you make a mistake, don't give up, take your turn, listen when others talk, etc etc. every day.
Your parenting should include this. Working on self reliance and emotional intelligence

Blimey. What do you think your responsibility as a parent actually is?

Not just the curriculum.. lessons for eg on money/finance needed but I agree resilience can’t be taught in a lesson.

As someone who grew up on a council estate in the 80s I could t disagree more

Do you work in a school now so you can compare?

I see what you mean, I missed it earlier. I'm sorry your DD went through that.

Should my child have learnt what I refer to as essential life skills at school?

No, your child should have learned to read and write at school, along with other academic subjects.

You teach them 'essential life skills'. That's your job as a parent.

I think if YOU think it's someone else's responsibility to teach YOUR children all these essential life skills, then you shouldn't have had children.

You wanted children but you didn't actually want to parent them is what I'm reading... selfish

My child's private prep school place a real emphasis on life skills like resilience, emotional intelligence and responsible decision-making. It’s not just academic, they use things like project work, drama, sport and outdoor activities to build confidence and character. Teachers are expected to step in when issues arise (e.g. bullying or poor behaviour), and they often take a restorative approach rather than ignoring things. Critical thinking is encouraged, and there’s a strong focus on kindness and reflection. I definitely feel it’s a shared effort between school and home, but the school takes its role seriously.

In contrast, friends with children in the state sector often tell me there's less consistency, some schools do this really well, while others seem stretched and more focused on behaviour management or curriculum pressures. I do think it depends heavily on the individual school and its leadership. At my child's school, it feels like life skills are built into the culture, whereas in some state schools it can feel more like an add-on, if there’s time.

Yes, I've only ever worked in state schools, but that is also what all the staff work on.
Perhaps some state schools are firefighting behaviour and complex problems to devote enough time to this.
Most do a fantastic job, though.

Either you have a very young child, you're in a very small school or you're very naive.

Sports day doesn't teach a lot of kids anything apart from that they hate sport and hate having to do it in front of the whole school and all their parents. DS is dyspraxic and sports day beyond the infants was hell for him - in yr 5/6 he was expected to do a skipping race. He didn't mind coming last in things, he just didn't want to make a complete and utter fool of himself by tripping over the rope and going flying in front of a crowd of kids that by 10/11 are judging and laughing - even if the teacher will tell them off for it. He also really didn't want to be discussed in the (apparently) pretty mean class whatsapp group that he wasn't part of.

There is no teaching of resilience in this situation, kids can be very cruel and being put through that doesn't teach you resilience it just damages your self esteem. Schools really can't teach resilience beyond the very early years because class sizes are far too big, there are far too many variables that they don't have control over - and because there is no respect for teachers. Getting told off doesn't make a child realise how wrong they are and leave the other child feeling vindicated, it often just makes things even worse for the child being targeted.

To build resilience you need much more in depth individual support than a teacher can ever give. Teachers can help a little of course but you really need a lot of time and support at home providing a secure base and open communication. At school you're more likely to learn shutting down, comfort eating, vaping, social isolating, self harm, self loathing or using alcohol and drugs as coping strategies. Secondary school can be a bear pit.

A bit of both? I mean, you're talking like these are skills that are "taught" as such, like you would expect reading or maths to be. Critical thinking, resilience, emotional intelligence... These are all skills that we're all developing throughout our lifetime, learning them from every person we come into contact with and every situation we find ourselves in, parents and school included.

I have a 26 and 16 yo who went to medium sized primary and secondary and my/their experience was more aligned to @Circe7

None of the year 5/6 laughed at the less able children, quite the opposite, it was uplifting to see how well everyone was supported. Cheered for the winners, commiserated with those who didn't do as well as they hoped, and bigger cheers for those who didn't quit or got up and carried on after a fall. Mine were before any sort of class whatsapp groups so I have no experience with that.

Both my kids respected their teachers. A telling off wasn't being 'targeted'. They abided by the school rules or faced the consequences.

I teach the Scottish primary curriculum; resilience, emotional literacy, health and well-being, financial education are all on there. As well as everything else you’d expect.

We do try, but there’s 30 kids in a room, all with varying needs (that are just getting more and more widespread) and we have them for about 25 hours a week, 39 weeks a year. They’re your responsibility the rest of the time, you could teach them a few things.

I agree, @lavenderandlemon , they don't need to be taught as discrete subjects, but as part of learning and life.

As a teacher I would say both. My daughter has had a huge amount of input from school about managing emotions and I'm very grateful. Schools have services in place to help with all the things suggested.

But parents need to work with school and vice versa and as a parent I do that as much as possible. I definitely see the things you suggested as my responsibility but if my child is struggling I would also have that conversation with the school.

Our children spend a long time at school so we should expect schools to support but we can't just hand over responsibility either.

Ultimately parenting is a 24 hour job, teaching isn't so you take the lead on this.

You area absolutely NBU to expect immediate and appropriate consequences for behaviour that disrupts learning or makes other students feel uncomfortable or unsafe in school.

No, it was a general comment, not directed at you.

But not all children have the privilege of active and involved parents.
I had friends at my university who were absolutely there because of the influence of their teachers, and despite not because of their parents. What a privilege to be a teacher who has made that much difference

Active and involved parents are not a privilege, they are a basic expectation. Wealth and advantage can make it easier, and some intervention to support some children and families is a good thing. Not all parents will influence their children to go to university, and I would absolutely see it as the job of a secondary school to encourage children to explore their academic potential, including applying to university.

But I say again to anyone who wants to listen. Don't have children unless you're willing to put the work in.

@AlphaApple - your last sentence is spot on 👌

It's weird reading these posts about 'parenting these days....tut tut' My schools in the 80s and 90s had the same issues as today, infact the neglect of some children was far more obvious. Kids went to school stinking of smoke, unclean and under nourished. It is hardly a new thing. The difference is schools back then didn't try to teach things about emotional intelligence or relationships, which was even worse in terms of outcomes. I agree these things are the parents' job largely, but it's a bit lazy minded to assume bad parenting is a new thing.

I would agree though that neither schools or parents teach enough about critical thinking, but I see a lack of it being rife across all generations. It isn't just kids. A reliance on social media because of poor quality journalism isn't exactly helping.

Teachers and support staff do this all day, every day. We don’t need a stand alone lesson to say we are teaching life skills. We reinforce good manners, speak to them about being kind, speak to them when they get something wrong, encourage them to try when they find something hard, encourage them to try new things, deal with friendship disputes and mediate, deal with disappointment and how to bounce back. It’s all part of forming positive relationships and creating well rounded young people. It also needs to be done at home from birth.

Yes, that's exactly why I said that teachers often respond with 'Yes, we already do this'. And I'd said upthread that this us taught explicitly and implicitly in schools in lots of ways.

That's not true at all. Teachers spend a hell of a lot of time supporting students with all kinds of things which are totally unrelated to the curriculum, including giving up their own time to run extra-curricular activities and trips (which often run into evenings and/or weekends). Students often need help with emotional and even medical issues while they are in school. Every single day teachers are bombarded with messages from Heads of year and pastoral staff asking them to make various adjustments and use various strategies to help with friendship issues, mental health issues and the fall-out from family problems for specific students.

It's quite frankly offensive to be told we don't care. I'd say 'I don't know why we bother!', but we bother because we care about our students, even if their parents are sometimes ungrateful and unsupportive of our efforts.

The first place your child should be learning this is from you.