Should my child have learnt what I refer to as essential life skills at school?

[SunriseSunsetFullMoon]

like resilience and emotional intelligence?
Situations that arise out in the public domain (educational establishments) that lead to confrontation or bullying or disappointment - is it all my responsibility as a parent to solely educate my child, or should the schools be doing it in the classes?
Some educators see what's happening and appear to choose to ignore the situation, and missing an opportunity to teach better behavior as well as incurring the consequences of ones actions. Or is that just to hard a job for them? And if it is - why?

AIBU to expect immediate consequences for behavior that creates fear or annoyance in others?

Has your child learnt how to critically think through situations - not to rebel, but be responsible and making informed choices. I can only do so much from my point of reference - surely the education system has more to offer than what I can see and have experienced with my child.

Would be interested in your thoughts and experiences.

My children's school does do lots of work on things like developing resilience etc. Thats why I am surprised to see lots of defensive responses on here.

Plus it's just something that can be woven into the fabric of lessons. It doesn't even need a separate class

That's your job

It's up to you. Though things were discussed at school when situations arose, it is parents' responsibility to encourage their child to be self assured, ie quiely confident, and able to deal with things as they come up. To know what is acceptable and not. They need to be able to talk to their parents about any concerns and feel comfortable to do so. Teachers can't be expected to do everything. Hopefully there won't be too many many concerns.

Private schools do this as a matter of course.

HOWEVER nobody ever seems to educate children on money management and which is nuts- surely a huge life skill. I’m dealing with that myself - and I think the message is sinking in - for far my kids are great with money

Schools do need to address bullying. If your child in year three is being bullied by a year six child, which does happen at our school then they really can't and don't ignore it.

They do teach about mindfulness, caring, but some children just don't want to take it on board because the parents don't back up the messages.

I think critical thinking is embedded within the teaching of many subjects taught at school.

🫤 That’s YOUR job OP.

YABU. In fact, I get annoyed if I think the school is encroaching on stuff like this as I see it as our responsibility to teach DS these skills.

Teachers have enough on their plates trying to teach the curriculum and balance all the conflicting EHCPs!!

I find the responses to this thread totally at odds with my experience. I don’t think you can outsource soft skills to schools or that they should necessarily be doing specific “resilience lessons” but I’d say that these sort of things are consciously embedded in everything my sons’ does.

They plan sports days and concerts and assemblies and even day to day lessons to give children a chance to develop these skills- like having to participate even if you’re not very good at something or worried about it and learning to fail and try again and supporting classmates and being part of a team. They have a buddy system where older children help younger ones settle not just because it’s nice for the younger ones but because it’s good for the older ones. They are very big on manners and develop emotional intelligence through their behaviour policy and have had specific lessons in reception around recognising emotions etc.

Schools can do these things in a different way to how you would at home because it’s a group setting.

I’d never have chosen a school which cared only about teaching my child to read and write and most go way beyond that. That obviously doesn’t absolve me from responsibility for teaching this as a parent though.

I'm not sure if that last sentence is directed at me.

Of course I teach my children these things, and I ensure they have extra curriculars that help too, as I truly believe it "takes a village" and children benefit from having a range of role models and adults in their lives.

But not all children have the privilege of active and involved parents.

I had friends at my university who were absolutely there because of the influence of their teachers, and despite not because of their parents. What a privilege to be a teacher who has made that much difference

Of course parents should do all sorts of things, that doesn't mean there isn't a place for those things to happen in schools too

It has nothing to do with parenting responsibility, and everything to do with educating the next generation of adults. Turning young people into well rounded individuals who will go out and do well in the world is as much the roles of schools as it is of parents. This Victorian notion that schools only focus on book smarts excludes a whole bunch of children for whom that is not their path. On the one hand we have older generations who lament what schools are bung asked to teach kids, and on the other we have employers complaining kids are coming out of schools with no knowledge of the world of work.

I explained the complexity of income tax to my daughter at the weekend because I got a letter from the tax office. She’s 16 and although she understood the premise of tax, she didn’t understand the nuts and bolts of how it worked. She said it would be great if they taught kids that in schools as many wouldn’t have parents who could (or thought to) explain it. Learning personal finance is really important but we don’t teach it in schools.

Teaching and reinforcing interpersonal skills in the context of education is just as important in schools, otherwise parents have no back up.

Your child is one of thirty or so that the teacher sees. If you think they observe as many of your child's interactions, and as clearly, as you do, you're very much mistaken.

An extract from an education report in 1964:

848. Fewer authorities provide special classes for maladjusted children, although referrals to child guidance clinics reach a peak at about nine. Difficulties often increase at adolescence. But demanding, aggressive, unco-operative or withdrawn behaviour may appear before this and teachers need to have sufficient knowledge of the emotional and social developments of children to notice it and to refer children when necessary. Check lists of children's difficulties, imperfect as they are, can be valuable in helping a teacher to describe a child's difficulty. In schools where there is absence of stress and generous attention to individual and group needs, disturbed children often remain and improve in their ordinary classes. One organisation in their evidence to us (2) estimated that 15 per cent of children in primary schools may at some time need special help and understanding from their teachers. But disturbed or aggressive children can be upsetting and disruptive and some authorities have established classes for them on two or three mornings or afternoons a week with considerable success. Similar arrangements have been made for children discharged from mental hospitals and psychiatric units in hospitals. This has helped them to settle down in ordinary schools.

Sounds like schools were dealing with a lot of what we might call now additional needs in the mid 1960s.

I think "special help and understanding" and the "absence of stress and generous attention to individual and group needs" is rather in absence in schools today.

And apparently still teachers are not trained on SEN.

Yes, exactly all of this, when I think of good teachers and good schools teaching skills like resilience is just woven into everything they do.

It has nothing to do with parenting responsibility, and everything to do with educating the next generation of adults. Turning young people into well rounded individuals who will go out and do well in the world is as much the role of schools as it is of parents. This Victorian notion that schools only focus on book smarts excludes a whole bunch of children for whom that is not their path. On the one hand we have older generations who lament what schools are being asked to teach kids, and on the other we have employers complaining kids are coming out of schools with no knowledge of the world of work.

I explained the complexity of income tax to my daughter at the weekend because I got a letter from the tax office. She’s 16 and although she understood the premise of tax, she didn’t understand the nuts and bolts of how it worked. She said it would be great if they taught kids that in schools as many wouldn’t have parents who could (or thought to) explain it. Learning personal finance is really important but we don’t teach it in schools.

Teaching and reinforcing interpersonal and life skills in the context of education is just as important in schools, otherwise parents have no back up.

This is already happening in many schools. I work in a school where PSHE and life skills is consciously inter-woven into every subject in the curriculum. We do a lot of work with all children around critical thinking, problem solving, understanding and regulating their own emotions, developing their resilience through secure relationships, being kind to themselves and others and taking responsibility for the impact of their actions on others. Unfortunately, in some cases all that work is undone the second kids walk offsite as they come from homes where there are no boundaries, they are shielded from ever having to experience any kind of discomfort or disappointment and they have been raised to believe that the world will just bend to their will.

I don’t think it’s up to schools and if it were, they’d be facing complaints from parents who disagree on the importance of it and how it was implemented. If you have kids in the school system or read the education threads on here then you’d know that there are a minority of loud but unreasonable parents. For example I’ve read many posts where a parent has asked if school should reimburse for lost sweatshirts and coats all the way through to school was unreasonable to break up a fight and “put hands on” their 15 year old son who tried to beat another boy with his friends. Put hand on was pushing them out of the room that the victim was trapped in !!

Ideally both could work together but we live in a world where parents call the school and say that their child will not do detentions.

This is how our school works. Perhaps because it's a church school.

Does your dd take a business type qualification for GCSEs ? Core maths (a qualification for 16+) has questions where you calculate tax and NI.

Yes, but are you a parent or a teacher? 😄

If a school tries to encourage rather than 'teach', resilience I would guarantee that this site and others would be full of moaners complaining that their dear 12 year old, for example, is too young to do A, B or C. Schools see children at their current age, too many parents still see that little cute bundle from 12 years ago! Why on earth do parents meeting their child from school carry all their stuff and, funnier still, take them a 'snack'? One thing a lot of parents manage to teach is anxiety.

Cool. I’m at work too. Will answer later.

Schools have their hands tied when it comes to behaviour management. Exclusions are discouraged, PRU places in short supply and waits for assessment are so long that schools clearly bide their time until it’s someone else’s responsibility.

It means that all the kids are failed and unchecked behaviour risks society paying the price later

Resilience and emotional intelligence should be taught by parents. Each child needs customized instruction.

Our experience is that school attempts to enter into this area just end up being victim blaming and biased in favor of certain personalities.

I don't think those are things which can be taught as such. They are skills which we develop as a result of natural brain maturation and our own life experiences. I also think to develop both resilience and emotional maturity a certain degree of support/secure base needs to be there. How can you be resilient if you're constantly afraid?

Schools AND parents should be facilitating and supporting these things.

surely the education system has more to offer than what I can see and have experienced with my child

I think you need to elaborate on what that is? I have no idea what to make of most of your post.