Should my child have learnt what I refer to as essential life skills at school?

[SunriseSunsetFullMoon]

like resilience and emotional intelligence?
Situations that arise out in the public domain (educational establishments) that lead to confrontation or bullying or disappointment - is it all my responsibility as a parent to solely educate my child, or should the schools be doing it in the classes?
Some educators see what's happening and appear to choose to ignore the situation, and missing an opportunity to teach better behavior as well as incurring the consequences of ones actions. Or is that just to hard a job for them? And if it is - why?

AIBU to expect immediate consequences for behavior that creates fear or annoyance in others?

Has your child learnt how to critically think through situations - not to rebel, but be responsible and making informed choices. I can only do so much from my point of reference - surely the education system has more to offer than what I can see and have experienced with my child.

Would be interested in your thoughts and experiences.

like resilience and emotional intelligence?

Basic parenting, I'd have thought.

Schools probably do try to foster the things in DC, but will likely do it differently than parents will.

School is for academic skills. Naturally children will learn social skills also because they're forced into a group of near strangers from various backgrounds.

Your job as a parent is to teach them emotional resilience, the importance of individuality, the fact that everyone has something to offer the world and you should never deliberately hurt or be cruel to other humans or animals. How to express themselves in a way that's appropriate.

Why should schools do more than they do already?

Surely you care more about your kid than someone who's paid a frankly insulting wage to look after them plus another thirty kids, all with different needs.

Tbf you can't teach critical thinking as it is first order knowledge. We learn on the job as it were - and critical thinking beyond 'that's a bloody big mammoth, better run in the opposite direction pronto' relies heavily on secondary order knowledge, which is the stuff schools teach.
Up to parents to explain about the mammoth and that knowing something about a subject is what allows you to think about it.
Thus: My thoughts on the special theory of relativity, for example, are not worth the 2p coin I could write them on. However, my thoughts on Richard III are well-honed to my knowledge of medieval history and esp. the Wars of the Roses. That of which I cannot speak I must perforce be silent on.

You can’t teach emotional intelligence. You either have it or you don’t.

That's why the motto of every school should be 'Discipline is what other people's children need'.

Parents have 4-5 years to set the foundations in motion before children start school.
Some of it will come by default in school life- particularly dealing with peers that is harder to do in the same way from home, or even from extra curriculars.

But it can't all be done by school. Parents have to take responsibility. Parents have the emotional connection advantage over schools (or should have anyway!)

No a school doesn't care about your child past getting them through the curriculum. Those things should be taught by you in the home

This in spades. Resilience, self-esteem, etc all start very young.
Even though schools deal with these topics, by the time high school starts, kids are already in behaviour patterns.

Our responsbility as parents, however there is a lot of pressure from the government/schools for children to be able to do things before children are developmentally ready and that in itself causes a lot of issues which is why the Childrens Wellbeing and Schools Bill is so bad for kids as it removes a large amount of parental choice and autonomy.

You know the first 4 years of their lives are spent with you? 1 Teacher spends 9 months a year with your child and then they move on to a new adult. Plus along with your one child there are another 20 odd children for us to monitor. So no, there is no duty from us. There is building on what you do and how you raise your child.

Exactly. Secondary school taught DD2 to be constantly afraid. How can kids develop resilience when they are frightened every day and home feels safer? Naturally then they don't want to go.

It's not because there are no boundaries or discipline at home, it's because at home there are not 1500 kids going down the same corridors at once or 15 different classroom locations to remember, someone picking on you and firing questions when you haven't listening properly because there is disruption in the class, or making you carry a massively heavy bag or wear uncomfortable clothing, or calling you names in the corridor.

It's way too much of a jump from primary school. Stop doing this to them. there needs to be a completely different system.

Resilience comes from kindness and fairness and rules being evenly and predictably applied, not from throwing kids to the wolves at 11 and expecting them to get on with it. When a good 20 to 25% will fail in one way or another and the others do well in spite of it not because of it.

Oh Mumsnet. 😂Thread after thread of teacher-bashing and now teachers are supposed to be teaching 'resilience and emotional intelligence' as well?!

No, OP, this is not the job of the schools, it's yours. It's called parenting. You're the parent, why can you 'only do so much'?

I tell you why you can only do so much.

Because you pride yourself in being a good parent, they get on brilliantly at primary school, do their homework, have very good attendance, get great reports, make lots of friends and are happy. Then secondary school comes along and fucks it all over. All bets are off.

I think it’s really difficult as a parent you create a lovely nurturing environment where there’s no hitting or swearing and lots of conversations about positive decision making.

Then they go to school where some of the little darlings do hit and swear with just the odd missed break or restorative chat as consequence. Then if your child can’t cope they lack resilience when they’ve really not encountered the situation before.

My eldest struggled he’s very rules based. His younger siblings haven’t had issues as they are quite bolshy / squabbly with each other which I suspect is part of growing up up in a bigger family.

I do think school is quite unfair in that rules are applied unequally. I think it’s really objectionable to a child’s intrinsic sense of fairness.

I do think it’s really up to oarents to teach these life skills but it’s up to school to create a safe, nurturing environment.

Do you mean in terms of school performance, or personal qualities such as the ones OP apparently expects the schools to teach? (Genuine question.)

Plus you’ve got the thorny issue of children with SN in the classroom requiring different goals and learning techniques when it comes to that kind of instruction because keeping emotions calm rather than allowing frustration in order to build resilience could quickly turn into something cruel.

I’ve seen posts on here saying that sex ed in primary school is overstepping - it would not go down well with some parents who are probably the ones who can’t cope without safe spaces and trigger warnings.

God, how rude.

In other words

"I don't have time for you minions right now, provide me with some reading material immediately, and I'll read it when I'm good and ready".

See my earlier post.

All children are taught critical thinking. It is called maths.

Rubbish
emotional intelligence
emotional resilience
emotion regulation
are ALL skills that can be taught / coached / developed

what u think all the school pastoral staff do ?
Cahms staff ?
counselling staff ?

these skills are the backbone of being able to survive / thrive in the world,
and often when kids haven’t developed these skills, services are trying to plug the gaps

I think it's shocking how little responsibility some people in this country take of their children's upbringing. I cannot believe this is even a question.

Of course its your responsibility.

Just how much are we expecting of teachers? So they're supposed to teach them to read, write, teaching them to brush their teeth is supposed to be a new thing coming in, and now, emotional intelligence!! ...because them managing a class of 34 mostly poor parented children isn't enough, let's get them brushing their teeth, and understanding their emotions too...Next year maybe we will get them cooking the families tea too!

emotional intelligence and resilience might be touched upon in school (class management) but it’s a family thing. A teacher would have no knowledge of what is in your resistance toolbox; health of family members, financial buffers, extended family support, past experiences.

Its a joint effort, with more emphases on the home as they are at home longer each year, and for all thier formative years.

Hpsever i do think schools do teach resilience in the context of the school setting.

I had to look up emotional intelligence and I do think schools do a lot of work supporting that to develop too.

I see lots of evidence of both happening,
But I think like all things school, they have lots of children and not much time so its challenging.

Our school has done a lot of work on the 5 Rs of effective learning. This includes resilience etc. However, this doesn’t seem to be supported by parents so what’s the point?

Absolutely education is/ought to be all about critical thinking. However, I think the OP’s post is a coded message in relation to their child (?) being bullied at school and feels the teachers are ignoring the situation. The simple answer to that is yes, of course bullying behaviour should be addressed and consequences applied. Being bullied has life long impacts. @SunriseSunsetFullMoon if this is your child, don’t ask rhetorical questions, ensure your child is safe at school.