DTD - All ticked off - HIGH FIVE!!!!

[Lardychops]

I’m sure I’m totally unreasonable but does anyone feel like a huge high five after they have DTD and ticked it off for another ten days/fortnight!

I love DH but I’m post meno; mum of 6 - 3 still at home ; hands on nan of 4 and work full time !

I actually don’t mind it once get into it and 💯 think sex is necessary for a healthy relationship but boy does it take effort these days and I’d much rather give it a miss if truth be told and doom scroll, watch telly read or catch up on emails!

The sense of satisfaction once done and dusted and out the way for a bit is fab !

Awful I know , poor DH I’m sure would be mortified if he knew but hey ho !!

🙌 HIGH Five!!!!

That's not what she said. She said the same thing I did - she enjoys it perfectly well, but has to consciously make time for it because the spontaneous initiating desire isn't there anymore. Several people on the thread have said the same thing. It's completely normal in long-term relationships, and not a problem to be solved.

I thought kinky people were supposed to be accepting of all types of sexual expression?

I’m on HRT too , healthy weight, great mental heath, good body image, happy loving relationship, always climax. DH attractive and appealing, fit healthy, experienced lover etc etc
Just don't fancy it much would happily give a miss (although would ever do that) perfectly nice when happens but even better when it’s out the way!
There’s no reason to figure out I don’t think.
opening hours lol - I do get how transactional I sound! Still
like you guys- it works for us! X

We've been together for almost a decade and I think our sex is better than ever. It might not be urgent twice a day sex anymore but he is incredibly skilled at knowing what I like and doing it, plus there's comfort and familiarity which allows us both to really let go.

DH great like that too but I can take or leave even a mind blowing orgasm - would rather read me book or watch traitors

funny innit? X

I'm with you OP! A tick box exersise was the only way i used to cope!! I used to feel the same when i was still in a relationship. Lucily we were only together on weekends, so i could stay well away from it dureing the week. (I'm in my mid 30's) Loved the guy to bits, but HATED sex, with every fibre of my being. the smell, the deed, the taste, and eventually even the smell of his vanilla handwash in the bathroom. I did it becasue he needed it - though if i was exhausted after a long and particulary awful week at work, he got told to sort himself out.

Happy to sort myself out occasionally if needed, but sex with someone else? not my cup of tea

That sounds really hard for you duckie.
I deffo don’t feel that strongly.

Interesting all the different experiences women have- seemingly more black n white with men I think x

Some of us have nothing wrong with us to fix though. I’ve had a low drive since I was a teenager. I’m only 30 and frankly haven’t cared for years.

Thankfully, as mentioned by a PP, my husband and I are definitely pandas.

I don’t think I’ve needed hormones or tablets my entire 20s just because I’m not always wanting to shag.

@TheBombThatWillBringUsTogether

she does it as he wants it, it’s a chore for her, something to be ticked off her list. She has it on first night of holidays “just to get it out of the way” so she can relax without it “hanging over my head”. Doesn’t sound madly enjoyable for her tbh. All I’ve suggested is could there be things to explore so that’s it feels less of a chore for her and something that she gets more out of it. Don’t know why you’re taking umbrage with that, lol.

I’m 52 only started taking HRT last year when I noticed my interest in sex was slowing down along with a few other issues

However if like you say If you have always had a low sex drive and not that bothered about sex and you have a similar partner then that’s fine as your not missing anything as it’s always been the same for both of you

if your like me who had a reasonably high sex drive / same for partner ( probably a lot higher for him) then losing that interest in sex can be devastating and in a lot of marriages resentment affair and divorce

My husband left his first wife as they were incompatible sex wise
he was I think 28 and didn’t want a sexless / dead bedroom for the rest of his life

My DH has never been that much into sex so never been a problem for me as I’m not either.

Even at the very height of the first 2 years we were once a week tops. That drifted to once a month and once every 3 months or so once married. Since having a child (15 years ago) it is now virtually non existent (3 times in last 5 years). He is 57 now so not going to change now I wouldn’t have thought! I’m Peri too so really not fussed. I used to think we weren’t normal due to all the media etc but what is normal?

I think he is pretty asexual to be honest. His first wife left him for the same reason. He told me early on that he isn’t much into sex. He even said if I need it then he would be fine with an open relationship as long as it was out in the open.

He is kind, thoughtful, funny, hard working and a great dad though so other than having zero libido he is a great catch !

Because you’re not comprehending what OP and pp like me are actually saying.

The sex itself is great. No amount of latent, undiscovered kink is going to improve the sex. For me and my panda-husband, once we’re into it we’re fully into it, no lying back and thinking of England.

The difference now is that sex isn’t always top of the list of things we want to do, which is totally normal - it’s the initiation that feels like a tick-box task, not the sex. You seem to believe it’s a problem, maybe because sex is all kinksters seem to think about.

@TheBombThatWillBringUsTogether

I'm sorry but I still don’t think Op sounds like she finds the sex she is having great. But you know, whatever 🤷‍♀️😀

So after having given DH a ‘hand shandy’and a naughty story (we are away this weekend from tomo so I’d rather have all that taken care of!) I’m just looking at the voting -

44 IABU
56 IANBU

So, a bit of a Brexit result but the majority IANBU won. I feel vindicated - yay!- and may celebrate by breaking my holiday rule and splashing out by spoiling him with an added bonus mini break bunk up!! Although realistically, I think I will probably just prefer a nice cuddle and a glass of wine xx

@Lardychops

ah Op he might want another shag given you are away this weekend - sometimes being away can put people in the mood, so your gleeful celebration at having tucked that box may be premature…

Oh god gracious ! Please don’t misunderstand my previous posts about feeling a lot of love and commitment to DH and how important sex is etc as in he would get it on tap lol:

• I’ve DTD now this week pre- emptively and that’s done and dusted! Jobs a good un!

Currently in a beautiful spa hotel in wales, had the loveliest meal and a few cocktails, laying in bed watching the end of a film as he’s dropped off and ready for Snowdon climb tomorrow- he bloody knows better than to try it on (as wouldn’t insult me) and it’s not even on the radar as all is well in that department!

Transactional maybe but…
works for us ! ( well me mainly I guess- but I think that’s okay really xx)