DTD - All ticked off - HIGH FIVE!!!!

[Lardychops]

I’m sure I’m totally unreasonable but does anyone feel like a huge high five after they have DTD and ticked it off for another ten days/fortnight!

I love DH but I’m post meno; mum of 6 - 3 still at home ; hands on nan of 4 and work full time !

I actually don’t mind it once get into it and 💯 think sex is necessary for a healthy relationship but boy does it take effort these days and I’d much rather give it a miss if truth be told and doom scroll, watch telly read or catch up on emails!

The sense of satisfaction once done and dusted and out the way for a bit is fab !

Awful I know , poor DH I’m sure would be mortified if he knew but hey ho !!

🙌 HIGH Five!!!!

@TheBombThatWillBringUsTogether

i never said she has to. And there are more to fetishes/kinks than whips and chains. It was just a suggestion to potentially stop is being such a chore and lacking in reciprocity.

Comments like that make me love my gorgeous ( thankfully relatively ‘vanilla’ these days) DH so much.
I have friends who have indulged their DH various tastes and proclivities over the course of their relationships ( or in the throws of new ones after the divorces late 40s) and without exception have made rods for their backs
sod.
that.
nonsense.

@Lardychops

i wasn’t talking about HIS fetishes/kinks , i was talking about YOURS. Some women do have them you know!

I know loads- but they still do it, however, with a lot of love.
And some who don’t do it at all.
One has a DH like a coiled spring on heat. Recent divorcees in the wider group tend to give him a wide berth (or maybe not, I’m not sure…)

I’m keener than him! 2-3 times a week is absolutely fine by me

You assumed that her sex drive was something that needed "reigniting", like there's something wrong with it at the level it is. You're the one shaming.

You'll be telling her to "spice things up" (cringe) with lingerie next. Maybe things are spicy enough.

Tea n toast in bed with the telly on in fluffy Jim’s while he tinkers in the garage and creeps to bed without waking me after I’ve gone to sleep is my main one.

Yes, it's a good analogy and one I've used myself when pondering on it.

I think it comes down to inertia and the fact that the default human condition is to take the path of least resistance unless there is a strong reason (i.e. fear or desire) driving us to change state.

When the urgency of sexual desire fades over the course of a long relationship, there is nothing driving us to want to have sex at any particular moment, basically. We might have a generalised sense that sex is a good, healthy thing in a relationship, but on any given night that isn't enough to overcome our preference to flop into bed and go to sleep. So it becomes a conscious choice to decide to have sex, rather than something that we are intrinsically motivated to do.

I'm not sure why some women are able to maintain that urgent desire over the long term when others aren't. Obviously in some (many?) cases it's because there are other problems in the relationship. But what about when the relationship is otherwise really strong?

I have questioned myself about whether there is a problem in my marriage that I'm not facing up to, but honestly I just think it is the way I am. If I were in a new relationship now, I think I would want sex in the beginning (although I am less sure about that recently, now perimenopause is beginning to bite) but that the desire would fade rapidly and I'd be back to square one, and likely in a worse ralationship.

Isn't there a book about this? Called something like Love in Captivy? I thought about reading it at some point, but actually I'm just not bothered!

@TheBombThatWillBringUsTogether

yes…so that sex becomes less of a chore for her and she gets more out of it. At the moment she is only really doing it for husband - she has admitted she could easily do without but doesn’t want to do that for his sake.

Every marriage is different.

OP I love your cheerful honesty. It's obvious how much you love your DH and you clearly have a very happy marriage. I wouldn't mind betting there are many, many women not posting but nodding in agreement to your posts.

I need to sort out the physical issues that have stalled our sex life. A combination of embarrassment and apathy is stopping me talking to the GP. I want to have sex and I think DH does too but we've never talked about it, which is very sad.

The openness from some posters on this thread has been great to read. It's reassuring to know that it's not just us who aren't at it every night.

It's really interesting to see the different perspectives on this.

My take is that the OP doesn't actually have a problem she feels needs solving. She was just sharing her experience, presumably to spark a discussion like this one.

Suggesting that she looks for ways to make it more enjoyable is missing the point she is making (I think? Correct me if I'm wrong). It's a bit like if her DH was joking to a mate about how he's feeling pleased to have ticked off his weekly walk with the OP, and the mate leaps on this and starts suggesting he should get into birdwatching to playing I-spy or anything to make these weekly walks more enjoyable, that he shouldn't feel he has to go on walks out of duty, that lots of people love walking so why doesn't he???

To which he hastily responds that he's honestly perfectly happy to humour his wife with a quick stroll around the block and actually always feels better for a bit of fresh air. But left to his own devices he'd be doing a spot of gardening.

No I actually enjoy sex with my husband and don’t think of it as a chore
and I still fancy him 25 years on
helps that’s he has stayed fit and healthy and not got fat and miserable 😂

we generally have sex 3 -4 times a week more when on holiday and I genuinely like sex anyway and I think as a couple we are fairly well matched

I did take care to make sure my hrt is right so I don’t lose interest in sex as I could feel that I was getting bit like ugh and sex was often painful due to VA but since I have done that I’m back to how I am normally and I’m glad

often one partner thinks that the other partner is perfectly ok with a sexless / semi sexless marriage but often this is not the case and are genuinely upset or angry when the other person has an affair leaves them for the ow

Oh crikey I don’t want to give the act itself any more headspace just want to crack on with what I know works for both
to be brutally honest - there could be ecstatic multiple orgasms each time up for grabs and I still couldn’t really be arsed and would be happy to give it a swerve/ feel dead chuffed once all ticked off for a period where not hanging over my head.

we go away many times a year (probably more than DH would like but he loves me etc etc….) I always get the sex done and dusted up n the first night - usually at the airport hotel night before we fly. That way I can relax and enjoy my holiday without it hanging over my head !

It would break my DH if he thought I didn’t want sex at all and stopped/withheld it.
I wouldn’t do that to the lovely, lovely man.
Besides he can still turn a head or two ( including attractive women) has pulling power /appeal so I’m not bloody daft.

This is fascinating OP because I completely relate!

You say that you enjoy it once you get going, yes? And it's not just the relief of ticking it off the list, you do actually enjoy it in its own right? But somehow not enough to make you think, hmmm, you know what, let's do that again tomorrow?

Why is that do you think? Because I'm exactly the same and I dont understand it!

You’ve nailed it !
and he has do do more than a few all around the block lol
Climbing snowdon this weekend - so
you betcha the dear old soul is getting a roll
in the hay the night before!

No way I’m 56 post meno stressful job and he works crazy hours as a chef but I still would daily 🤣 he’s too tired but definitely still manage 2/4 times a week and we don’t live together…

Wowwww
You rock !!
RESPECT!
xx

Hahahaa just always had a high sex drive which does have its own issues if drives aren’t matched…or when you’re single…as I was for a few years 🤦🏼‍♀️🤣

I would hate to do duty sex and I would feel insulted if I thought I was being fuvked out of duty so he could get on with other stuff he would rather do
I’m 52 menopause and still like sex with my husband

Are you the same after years in a monogamous relationship
living together? Doesn’t wear off? X

I was married for 20 years and yes it never wore off. We had times when it slowed down 3x pregnancy, newborns and toddlers etc but never ever felt a chore. But we’re all different! My ex husband used to say I’m a man not a machine 🤣 he’s was joking but it made me laugh

What if you went off it ?
you’d shut shop for good? X

No I wouldn’t shut up shop
i would figure out why I’ve gone off sex and aim to fix it - which I did

I did go off it for a bit and I didn’t want to give him “ duty sex “ I have to much respect and love for him to give him a duty fuck once a week

I didn’t want to be like that as I actually like sex with my husband and I don’t think once every few weeks or once a week is enough or a duty fuck & suck is enough to sustain a relationship properly
it might be for some if your both happy with it but talking to friends and reading stuff one partner is nearly always not happy

I got HRT and testosterone and some vagina pesserys and I’m as good as new now

I noticed the difference within weeks

unless I had some illness that meant having sex with my partner was medically not reccomended why would I shut up shop as such

I’m not a shop with open and shut doors and set hours 😂