Were my parents rude?

[PringlesForMe]

This week we had a party for our youngest’s birthday in the house. Husband and I are separated and still living together and we had my parents over to celebrate DS birthday. We are recently separated and my parents haven’t seen ex since. We were on edge as to how things would go but overall it went ok, DS opened his gifts, played with toys, we all had a buffet and it was busy and happy.

My parents stayed for 2 hours then had to get a bus, they hugged our children, I was walking them to the bus stop and when it came to saying goodbye to ex everything turned awkward. My mum just looked into the living room and said coldly “goodbye” No thank you for having us or what a lovely day DS has had. To make matters worse I’m off the tenancy now and ex is making a big deal about how it’s now his house (I’m leaving soon) So technically he sees it as him hosting my parents.

After they left I could tell he was angry and he said what rude and entitled people they are. He also said it was one of the worst experiences of his life (!) To me it only turned awkward as they were leaving - DS had a fantastic party and everyone behaved!

Were they rude? Extra context (I’m leaving due to ex’s behaviour towards myself - EA. My parents know about how he behaved)

I don’t think they meant to be rude but were more upset about the whole situation. They don’t want us to split up.

I expect your mum feels conflicted because she stayed in an unhappy marriage and you're not. They're was no need for your parents to do any more than they did. Just try and ignore your ex, he's looking for drama.
Not long now OP.

To be honest, I think most parents would struggle to be terribly polite to a man who has left their dd a single mum, and effectively booted her and their child out of their home...
I sounds like you're trying to appease this man... Stop wasting your breath on him. If he wants to huff and puff, shrug and leave him to it.

If my daughter had been treated like that, I wouldn't have bothered my arse even saying goodbye.

I feel you, left my kids dad 3 years ago and it's the reason I went NC eventually with my mum. She knew I was suicidal, wanted to leave for ages etc. finally did and she verbally abused me, told me im ruining mine and my kids lives (shock but we are all far happier now including him) told me that I'm ill in the head need help. Even my ex, who was upset I left said she was being way too harsh. It sucks when your parents are like this. We weren't even married!

Oh and he also kept the house (renting) so me and the kids had to leave. All worked out in the end though ,

They could have been nicer but they're on your side and probably blame him quite a bit for the divorce.

I think it says a lot about what their future relationship might be like and might be problematic where your DS is concerned.

A few years ago my dd's then bf cheated on her. She was distraught and I was angry at him and so upset for her.
A few weeks later she gave him another chance and I had to be nice to him. It was extremely difficult, the relationship we'd had was gone snd I didn't know how to be with him. I wasn't rude but I wasn't normal either.

How much more for your parents when they know he's abusive, they know there's children involved, they know they have to be nice for your and DCs sake. But they probably hate him for how he's tested their dd.

Don't listen to your ex. He's manipulative and abusive.

It's going to be important to have parents who have got your back... it sounds like they have.

Did you miss the bit where op says her parents think they should stay together?

No I didn't miss it, but I think her parents were showing a modicum of support by not fawning over her abusive ex. Which I think is preferable.

If you were my child and you were leaving a marriage cos of emotional abuse from an ex partner, that ex partner would be lucky if they got any acknowledgment from me at all.

I get that the party was for your child but as MY child MY loyalty would be to you primarily. And if the ex who had put you through the heartache of emotional abuse started kicking off about that like some kind of fucking baby he would be told by me to get a grip

He wasn’t worried about manners when he was threatening you was he?

Off topic but shows his character. My friend kindly posted a birthday present and card to DS but to my new address. Ex seemed pissed off that it had gone to the new place and said, let’s call her Sarah, Sarah is a bitch, time to delete her on Facebook. She’s a lovely person and had gone out of her way to choose a special gift for DS. Ex also makes fun of how she looks - derogatory comments about her big nose etc.

Birthday Day - I was busy cleaning and prepping party food and ex said “hello scruff!” as I was in a vest top and shorts.

Another - He took me and DS down to see my new house as DS is reluctant. It’s got a yellow door and he kept saying how it looked like the colour of diarrhoea and how it looks like something has shat on it. I really needed DS to have a good first impression of the house so told him to stop it. Then he said I was so serious and no fun.

Why is your ex taking you to see your new house?

You’re divorcing him for a reason.

Stop wasting your time and energy picking faults and just stop spending time with him and start moving on.

Sounds like he just trying to get out of his behaviour towards you I don't think they were rude at all I think they just felt awkward and upset regarding maybe his entitled behaviour and maybe he got a big Ego having you off the tenancy. Maybe your ex is a narcissist and he just looking to blame your parents for something as innocent as saying bye its not rude but only you can judge the atmosphere but narcissistic behaviour is blaming others when they have been badly behaved.

Yeah poor boundaries! Don’t let him have anything to do with your new house.

They were being loyal to you (quite rightly!) He sounds like an entitled asshole. Stop kowtowing to him. What a selfish prick.

Also, it was his son's birthday party, maybe he should have thanked THEM for coming? Just a thought.

Just stop talking to him. And stop spending time with him. You seem very enmeshed with him, considering you are separated and about to move out any day.

You can be successful and amicable co- parents…. whilst still taking a big step back from him.

Don’t tell him that “Sarah” bought a present and it’s been delivered to your new house.

Don’t let him come near your new home!! 🤷🏼‍♀️ (Please don’t say you’ve let him inside that home).

Be polite, but only talk about essential things to do with your child. Ignore any other form of conversation or criticism.

He is being childish at best, and emotionally abusive at worst. But I’m more curious about why your parents want you to stay with him if they know about his behaviour and dislike him enough to be so dismissive of him. That sounds very odd.

Sorry PP, but punching holes in the hotel wall on what should be one of the happiest periods of your life? Should have annulled the marriage and run, fast and far. Red bunting, never mind red flags

They very old fashioned and traditional. They don’t believe in divorce.

I wish I had now, we had a toddler at the time and I felt trapped. He punched a hole in the wall and said he hated me due to his mother who was looking after our child and refused to hand him over to my parents (it was arranged that they would each half him half the time and my parents had purchased a cot, high chair and other items in order to look after him) I text his mum to beg her to hand him over and he turned nasty.

If my husband had been emotionally abusive I would have had to hold my mum back.
Neither would tolerate that and my husband would be dead to them. I think they did really well to even come.

When I was 16 an older friend of my brother groomed me and caused all sorts of problems, when my father found out he waited for the abuser to arrive at our house and shot his rifle over his head, he never came back. My father is now in his 80's and he'd still protect me with his life so I think your parents behaved impeccably. Good luck with your new exciting free future.