Were my parents rude?

[PringlesForMe]

This week we had a party for our youngest’s birthday in the house. Husband and I are separated and still living together and we had my parents over to celebrate DS birthday. We are recently separated and my parents haven’t seen ex since. We were on edge as to how things would go but overall it went ok, DS opened his gifts, played with toys, we all had a buffet and it was busy and happy.

My parents stayed for 2 hours then had to get a bus, they hugged our children, I was walking them to the bus stop and when it came to saying goodbye to ex everything turned awkward. My mum just looked into the living room and said coldly “goodbye” No thank you for having us or what a lovely day DS has had. To make matters worse I’m off the tenancy now and ex is making a big deal about how it’s now his house (I’m leaving soon) So technically he sees it as him hosting my parents.

After they left I could tell he was angry and he said what rude and entitled people they are. He also said it was one of the worst experiences of his life (!) To me it only turned awkward as they were leaving - DS had a fantastic party and everyone behaved!

Were they rude? Extra context (I’m leaving due to ex’s behaviour towards myself - EA. My parents know about how he behaved)

I don’t think they meant to be rude but were more upset about the whole situation. They don’t want us to split up.

Your ex has a fucking audacity. If only receiving a cold goodbye was the worst thing that had ever happened in his victim's life, then she wouldn't be leaving his abusive ass.

You're well rid of this angry control freak.

Awkward for everyone I suppose, but I wouldn't be concerned about it. Who cares what he thinks, anyway.

So your dad is abusive your mumcant escape and neither wants better for you or can see that your father's actions are also seen as child abuse and they want the cycle to continue for their grandchildren.

As her dad is abusive too he probably doesn't really see an issue.

Pretty much!

I think they behaved well. If someone was abusive towards my child - grown up or not- I would be less than polite.

Why should your parents be nice to a man that abused you. I don't understand why you are staying in 'his' house and playing happy families. If I was the MIL I would have had some choice words with him and it wouldn't have been thank you for a nice day. I think he is expecting far too much from your parents, being civil for two hours was above and beyond.

You can’t actually be serious? You want them to thank him for the lovely food and the lovely time? They weren’t having a lovely time and probably choked down the food!! They went for the sake of your child, his child! That’s as much as you both can expect. I doubt they wanted to be there. He treated their daughter and grandchild wrong. He needs to be thankful they didn’t throw the food round him or make him choke on it. They were pleasant, that’s more than yous should ask.

Her parents want her to stay with him.

Which doesn't mean they like him or approve of his behaviour. Just a stupid old fashioned attitude that you stay together no matter what.

“It was mildly rude, but you forced the situation, knowing there was a strong possibility or awkwardness.”

This. I think you could have managed it better by asking them to be civil for for the sake of the occasion. Whether he’s a cunt or not, you had kids with him. He’s family whether they like it or not.

A lot has come to light since I revealed how bad things were in my marriage to my mum. She opened up about how my dad didn’t like her talking to male family members or didn’t like her having a social life, it’s a shame as she’s naturally a bubbly sociable person but he made her life small. He could be jealous and controlling towards her but in those days it was a case of putting up with it and being thankful he wasn’t drinking or womanising.

You’ve split yet you’re still living in the same house and trying to play “normal” when going through a split. It’s going to be hard and awkward for everyone involved.

You say yourself that your husband hasn’t treated you the best or behaved well towards you so that’s enough in itself to make your parents not think he’s the greatest person in the world.

The sooner you move out the better. No more joint birthday parties or trying to mash a family together that clearly isn’t working.

Don’t sweat the small stuff right now by focusing on stuff like this. Keep your eyes ahead and focused on what you can do to set up your new life going forward without him.

Well then he's reaping what he's sowed, hopefully you can get your own place soon

Your mum wasn't rude, she said goodbye. You need to move out and get away from his mind games.

The worst experience of his life. What a drama queen. He sounds like a 5 year old. Thank God you've got rid.

In an ideal world, when 2 people separate, their family and friends continue being perfectly pleasant and impartial. In the real world, it's awkward for everyone and people will take sides. Your ex needs to get a grip and realise that things are going to change for him and he is going to lose some relationships when you separate.

Tell him that if he wanted your parents to kiss his butt then he shouldn’t have emotionally abused their daughter. Simple really. Plus if that’s the worst experience of his life then he’s lucky.
Just keep counting down the days until you’re shot of this fucknugget.

Also on a related note, it pisses me off when people expect their in laws to be all sweetness and light to them or even take their side post separation. No, they will obviously take their child’s side so just get over it and stop whining. The Erin Patterson case made me think of that - her unrealistic expectation that her in laws will side with her against their own son and she kills them when they don’t.

Why are you bothered? Seriously…he’s an arsehole. I wouldn’t even have said goodbye to this abusive man if you were my daughter! Kudos to your parents for maintaining their cool, quite honestly!

Juts reads like your mum found it a bit awkward. I wouldn't think anymore about it.

Well, I wouldn’t give two shits what your ex thinks, his opinion isn’t needed any more.
I have no doubt that your parents reaction to your separation is coloured by their own experiences/behaviour.

I don’t think they meant to be rude but were more upset about the whole situation.

Yep.

Your parents were not rude, they were honest. They know you are separating because he's emotionally abusive and refused to put fake smiles and play the "all is great game". Good on them, they have your back. They were civil by saying good-bye and frankly, it's all your husband deserves from them.

Don't allow him to play mental games with you by turning your parent's honest reaction against you. It's part and parcel of his emotional abuse.

I think there reaction is normal but the it doesn't help you and you got the brunt of it from him especially whilst being under the same roof. My parents can both be very spikey to both my exes in front of me (and rightly so they feel that way) but it's me that gets it in the neck and gets the ranty phone calls or text messages. I do have to remind them its not in my best interest for them behave that way in front of the exes and we can just keep things calm.

Awww he’s upset because they did not give him the reaction he wanted them to and there’s nothing he can do about it. His poor ego.