Were my parents rude?

[PringlesForMe]

This week we had a party for our youngest’s birthday in the house. Husband and I are separated and still living together and we had my parents over to celebrate DS birthday. We are recently separated and my parents haven’t seen ex since. We were on edge as to how things would go but overall it went ok, DS opened his gifts, played with toys, we all had a buffet and it was busy and happy.

My parents stayed for 2 hours then had to get a bus, they hugged our children, I was walking them to the bus stop and when it came to saying goodbye to ex everything turned awkward. My mum just looked into the living room and said coldly “goodbye” No thank you for having us or what a lovely day DS has had. To make matters worse I’m off the tenancy now and ex is making a big deal about how it’s now his house (I’m leaving soon) So technically he sees it as him hosting my parents.

After they left I could tell he was angry and he said what rude and entitled people they are. He also said it was one of the worst experiences of his life (!) To me it only turned awkward as they were leaving - DS had a fantastic party and everyone behaved!

Were they rude? Extra context (I’m leaving due to ex’s behaviour towards myself - EA. My parents know about how he behaved)

I don’t think they meant to be rude but were more upset about the whole situation. They don’t want us to split up.

If he was punching holes in walls on honeymoon can we assume this was not the first sign of trouble but you married him anyway?

Glad you are leaving soon. Your parents were fine and his opinion doesn't matter. I would nod along with him "yeah they could have been more thankful" or whatever needs to be said for a quiet life til you're out if there in a few days. But really his opinion doesn't matter, it is natural for your parents to be cold towards him but they were civil so that's fine.

Nah, he's an entitled arsewipe. They are YOUR PARENTS and the very best he can ever expect from them is cold politeness considering he's abusive.

You already know he's abusive, so you can discard any complaints he makes for the rest of your life.

That’s what I was thinking, @PringlesForMe. Unless, I suppose, you feel you need to keep the peace between your parents and him because of future awkwardness when co-parenting your children? Otherwise, it’s just more emotional abuse on his part.
Good luck with your move out and for your future.

It is you ex still being a controlling twat.

Your parents were prepared to put aside their feelings towards him to enable your DS to have a happy birthday party. They said goodbye. Nothing further was needed.

Ignore the ex and get yourself somewhere else to live ASAP.

This would be relevant if she was planning to stay with him or excusing his behaviour, but she's not doing either, so it doesn't matter.

I was going to say that your parents are bound to be partisan. It would be strange parents who embraced an aggressive and nasty son in law. But then you tell us that your parents don't believe in divorce and want you to stay together because you have children! Are they strict Catholics or something? Either way, your DH is just pouring oil on troubled waters because he's an arsehole. You've said yourself he's got bags of previous. Your parents weren't rude and, given it was such an odd and strained situation, I think they did remarkably well.

It sounds like they were cordial which is reasonable given the circumstances. Your ex sounds like an arse!

I think it’s just down to emotions, your Mum loves you, you are her daughter, she will be worried and struggling emotionally with her own feelings, your Ex will also be struggling underneath with his own emotions. You can’t do anything about that.

I think you worded your OP brilliantly, you handled things well and you did a good job of making it a nice day for your son.

Sounds like he knows you'll be out of his control soon so is using this as a last attempt to make you feel bad.

Will your parents ever even see him again?!

If my dds ex partner was emotionally abusive to her I don’t even want to be in the same room as him. He would be lucky he was still standing!

I think your mum and dad were amazing, I wouldn’t have been as chilled.

Are you sharing custody?

He didn’t deserve them to be kind to him. Their allegiance is to you; he’s sounding like he’s been an arse to you; why would they shower him with praise? You are still in love with him aren’t you?

Had it been me I would have celebrated my grand child's birthday in my own home at a later date. I think it was very big of them to put on a face and attend in the company of the twat that abused their daughter. What the fuck was he expecting, big hugs and kisses and for them not to acknowledge his abuse in any way? Fk that. I wouldn't give a shiny shit whether they were rude or not. He is an abuser.

This nails it for me.

It must have been hard for them to be with your exh.

And it’s not “him hosting them” if you did the work of hosting. You still live there!

I think your parents were far nicer to your ex than I would have been - why are you sticking up for your awful ex and not your parents!

I’m actually shocked that under the circumstances you think they were rude!

No they were not rude.

They know your entitled ex is a knobhead and they should not have to grovel round and thank him when they can just thank you.

PS I would do everything I could to move out asap in your shoes!

I wouldn’t be able to pretend I liked the man who had abused my dd. I’d say “thank you and goodbye and that’s it.

He thinks they should have been grateful he let them into "his" house, so glad you're leaving soon Op

I don't think your parents were wrong at all. You e obviously separated because he was treating you like shit so why would your parents ever want to even talk to him at all? Your ex should be thankful that they were even civil to him imo

Rude and entitled, sounds like you have dodged a bullet. My dad would have knocked him out.
Your mum was being polite saying goodbye at all.
He is just trying to be dominant and controlling as he has always been, I suspect he didn't say anything to their faces while they were there, you ex is a coward

So, your Mother married a man that was controlling/abusive and you repeated the pattern yourself. Well done to getting out now, and breaking that repeat for your own children.

Not sure how else your parents could have handled the situation tbh - he was lucky to have received the civility he did from them in the circumstances, which they undoubtedly did for yours and their grandchild's sake. Would have been better if the birthday celebration had been held in a neutral place, and you'd gone out to a restaurant or something, instead of holding it in 'his' house.

Look to your better, brighter future Pringles, when you are free from this man.

I wouldn't be gushing over my DDs abusive ex either. They should be thrilled you're getting away from him, not disappointed you're splitting up. Don't do anything socially that involves both your parents and your ex again, there's no need. They don't need to see him again.

I don't think they were wrong. They behaved politely and she even said goodbye. Did he think they would be warm towards him after what he has done?