Were my parents rude?

[PringlesForMe]

This week we had a party for our youngest’s birthday in the house. Husband and I are separated and still living together and we had my parents over to celebrate DS birthday. We are recently separated and my parents haven’t seen ex since. We were on edge as to how things would go but overall it went ok, DS opened his gifts, played with toys, we all had a buffet and it was busy and happy.

My parents stayed for 2 hours then had to get a bus, they hugged our children, I was walking them to the bus stop and when it came to saying goodbye to ex everything turned awkward. My mum just looked into the living room and said coldly “goodbye” No thank you for having us or what a lovely day DS has had. To make matters worse I’m off the tenancy now and ex is making a big deal about how it’s now his house (I’m leaving soon) So technically he sees it as him hosting my parents.

After they left I could tell he was angry and he said what rude and entitled people they are. He also said it was one of the worst experiences of his life (!) To me it only turned awkward as they were leaving - DS had a fantastic party and everyone behaved!

Were they rude? Extra context (I’m leaving due to ex’s behaviour towards myself - EA. My parents know about how he behaved)

I don’t think they meant to be rude but were more upset about the whole situation. They don’t want us to split up.

I was going to say no, they were not rude, as he was emotionally abusing you. I would find it hard to thank someone who had been emotionally abusing my daughter.

But then you said that they don’t want you to split up.

why do they want you to stay with someone who’s emotionally abusive?

What a mess. So your dad is abusive toard your mum? I think you should just put all this behind you and move on and stop worrying what either your ex or parents think.

Be aware of the pattern of behaviour in your life. My dad was EA and I chose the same in 2 long term relationships. It's a hard habit to get out of but with self knowledge you can do it. I've been with my lovely husband for nearly 30 years and I'm aware I coukd have chosen a different path.

Good grief ! it was a party for the children not for him !
He should think himself lucky they came and were at least pleasant to him during the party.

Your parents were uncomfortable but made the best of the child’s birthday……..in their position I don’t think I could have even looked at your ex let alone thanked him for the party invitation.

Put this behind you and move on, ex has shown yet more of his true colours. Be happy in your new life 💐

I think your parents were polite. They didn’t call him a shit bag did they?

I think he is entitled, expecting people to be nice to him when he’s abused their daughter. What a git.

I don’t think it feels particularly rude just very awkward- if I had been in your parents’ position I’m not sure I’d have known what to do for the best

He's lucky your Dad didn't punch him. Mine would have threatened to break his legs.

They just needed to be civil to him, which they were. Presumably they'll be spending less time around him when you move out, so it sounds like they were setting healthy boundaries ie we can be civil for the kids, but leaving him in no doubt they won't be friends with him.

I'd find it more concerning if they were being friendly with him, as it sends him the message that he can be as abusive as he likes and there are no consequences. Ex is probably hoping you will put a good word in with your parents for him, so his kids don't cotton on to what he's really like.

They were civil. I don't think I'd be inclined to be warm and friendly to someone who was abusing my child

I would not be polite to someone who emotionally abused my adult child. He got the interaction he deserved. Stop tying yourself in knots to appease this fuckwit.

Your parents are unreasonable in wanting you to stay together....otherwise they were fine. He's just spouting more abuse.

Co-hosting an event with someone you are separated from creates awkwardness for everyone.

Is everyone meant to behave as if everything's as it should, and treat you two as a couple?

Of all the things going on, this is minor and not something to worry about. The situation won't arise again, will it.

All the best for a brighter future.

Yes they were rude, probably understandable. Yes, he overreacted - again understable. I don't know what you expected, but as you are moving out so soon, try not to give it any more head space. Look after yourself and your DS!

If anyone ever emotionally abuses my daughter, I’d have a lot more to say than “goodbye” I can tell you that!! I think they behaved well considering.

You poor thing, caught between two unhealthy relationships.

hope you can move on and find happiness in the future

Your ex is an abusive twat and he likes to remind you that at every opportunity.

They sound like they were civil. What more does he expect? Ignore him op.

“Either way, your DH is just pouring oil on troubled waters because he's an arsehole”

Eh? Pouring oil on troubled waters means to calm down a potentially inflammatory situation. That’s the exact opposite of what the abusive DH is doing?

I can see your parents pov. To them he has not treated you well and is now keeping the house. A warm cheery interaction with him would probably stick in their throat. They have your back.

They should have said thank you, it’s polite. If they don’t feel able to be civil to you ex perhaps don’t arrange for them to meet in future. It’s an emotional time for all of you and could have been much worse!

Your parents don't like How's hes treated you. Who cares if they were rude.

Blimey if my DH was in the same room as a bloke who had abused our DD, then he'd have a lot more to worry about than 'not saying goodbye politely'.

They are being parents, why would they be gushing over someone who has hurt their child? Stop putting them in the middle of your issues. They came, were civil, said their goodbyes and left. It’s your ex who has created an issue and you are encouraging this.

Oh fuck off. Do you have any idea how vile it is to say that to a victim of domestic violence?

I'd much rather have your mum and dad be a bit cold towards an abusive ex, than like my mother who still sends the bastard Christmas cards, and thinks I should've made more of an effort.