To ask - does your partner/husband know how much you earn or what you have in savings?

[MerryPinkCritic]

I’ve been thinking about how open people are with their finances in relationships. Some couples share everything, some keep things separate and some… don’t even ask.

So I’m curious, does your partner know what you earn or how much you’ve saved? Do you think it’s healthy to be totally transparent or is some financial privacy important?

Yes. Of course. I think it's a very odd relationship/marriage where a couple keep their earnings and savings a secret from each other.

We’ve been together for about 15 years and have a young DS.

We have no joint accounts at all. Not for current accounts, savings or investments.

We have a reasonable understanding of each other’s position. We know what each other’s salaries are but wouldn’t know bonuses and share options or pension fund amounts other than rough estimates.

We don’t really budget much at least not on a month to month basis. It is more a case of consideration of whether big purchases are value and necessary.

Ours aren't secret but neither are they combined.

Earnings yes, savings no.

We're not married (and never will get married). I have a child who is not my partner's child and own a property with him and another on my own.

I was very very clear when I met him that I would never get married or merge finances beyond the shared mortgage on the property we own together and shared bills and spending.

My ex husband was financially abusive and walked off with money in the divorce so there was no way I was going through that again.

Personally I’d rather he run off either someone than stay for my money..

I can see how the poll might read either way depending on your lens! I’m asking whether it’s unreasonable to prefer some financial privacy in a relationship, e.g. your partner not knowing your exact savings.

So:

YABU = everyone should be fully transparent
YANBU = it’s OK to keep some things private

Hope that clears it up!

I’m a SAHM, we’re married and all money goes into a joint account (his wages and child benefit, my recent inheritance, money his mum gifted us out of an inheritance she had), everything is shared. That was how we were both brought up so it’s normal to us. I manage all the finances, DH vaguely knows about savings as we have savings accounts for different things so I let him know whereabouts we are with things.

Yes we know exactly how much each other earns and exact amount in savings. We update a shared spreadsheet every couple of months as part of our retirement planning.

Same. We sometimes look at our online banking together, and generally have a decent idea of how much each of us have in accounts, savings

What if you separated and then one of you had a child with someone else?

No, not because it's secret but because he doesn't remember anything like that. He doesn't even know what he earns himself if I ask him. Not married, not merged financed but actually secret.

Yes he’s aaare of both. Probably can’t remember how much I have in personal savings though. I can’t remember his either but I know what he earns and what is in our joint savings off the top of my head

That's fine. I prefer combined finances, but I know some don't like it. Being secretive about what you earn and what savings you have is odd though.

I know 2 women right now, both in their late 70s, whose husbands have died in the past 2-3 years. The husbands had complete control over the finances. They were SAHMs for many years and didn't work. (Both had 3 and 4 children.)

When the men were dead, it emerged that they had squirrelled away multiple 10s of 1000s in several savings accounts. Whilst keeping the wives and children in near penury over the years.

No to both. We have separate savings. Pay set amount into joint account for bills, everything else is our own money

Yes to all. All our finances are joint. We have some separate investments that mirror each other so have the exact same

God knows, I’m too old to have another child so it wouldn’t be me having to worry about that! We also have no plans to separate 🤣

Mostly, we knew each others incomes he had no savings, I did. He never asked, but I would have told him if requested.

Now I am older & wiser I would (sadly) always recommend that women keep an emergency fund. You never know when your circumstances change, your partner cheats, dies, develops a physical/mental illness or an addiction.

Having such a thing would have made the lives of many I know much easier during the hard times.

Yes we have separate accounts and a joint one for bills. Savings we each know roughly but DHs are in stocks and shares and fluctuating/not easy to access.

For us it works well having financial independence on individual spending on day to day or items we want.
Bigger/more expensive items are always discussed and any holidays/home renovation we each pay for our share out of savings.

Financially it actually works best for us due to different tax levels.

Everything together and has been since we got engaged when I was 19. We've been married a long time now so it genuinely feels like everything we've built, we've built together. When I get a pay rise, he's done some of the work to facilitate that, so I tell him immediately, and vice versa. We have very similar attitudes to money so don't have any that is our own at all, not 'pocket money' or anything.

Yes, we basically know what each other has.

We have our main joint savings and we each amass our own as we go along in our own accounts, these are our personal spends for things that take our fancy. I put some of mine into Premium Bonds a year or so ago, which he knows about. Had a few wins, under £100 I keep, the bigger one I shared with him.

I know generally what he has and vice versa. I have gone paper free in my account, but he still gets statements for his, which I file anyway.

We have a joint account for bills and know roughly each other's savings, and where. Have been very short of funds in the past, so as long as we are both solvent it's fine.

Yes to both. We each have our own current accounts, our own savings accounts and a joint account but it’s all very much our money. We know each other's salaries and a rough amount of what we each have.

Full transparency. Marriage is as much a business arrangement as it is a romantic pairing. We have a shared goal of raising a child and planning a retirement.

We have separate accounts and savings as well as a joint account for bills and DC stuff. We do know what each other have in terms of savings. I think it's important to have your own money just in case, but I've never felt like I needed to hide how much I have. I would be concerned if DP was hiding how much he had in his savings.

everything is transparent, although we don’t have any joint accounts. For tax reasons we have our own savings accounts. All money is shared regardless of who earns it and we have an annual budget for all expenditure which we both agree at the beginning of the year. All major expenses are made as a joint decision eg new white goods, decorating costs etc.