To ask - does your partner/husband know how much you earn or what you have in savings?

[MerryPinkCritic]

I’ve been thinking about how open people are with their finances in relationships. Some couples share everything, some keep things separate and some… don’t even ask.

So I’m curious, does your partner know what you earn or how much you’ve saved? Do you think it’s healthy to be totally transparent or is some financial privacy important?

Yes we know how much each other earns. DH also tells me if he gets a bonus.

We have separate bank accounts and a joint account for joint costs like mortgage, bills, that we pay a fixed amount each into every month. The amount we pay in covers, together, all joint expenses and is in proportion to our earnings - currently DH pays about 60% of the total and I pay the other 40%

The rest of our money stays in our respective accounts to do what we like with. I have no idea his balance and he has no idea of mine but not because it’s a secret - we just don’t discuss it. We are open though - I know he has a bank loan and a credit card with no balance, and he knows I have a credit card with a little on it and a savings account.

If it's your husband, they should know what you earn/savings.
If boyfriend or girlfriend (or partner - i hate that word. It feelsmore like a businessarrangement), not necessarily - up to you. It's your private business.

We have been married for 51 years, all our money is joint. We each put all we owned into our first house and since then, through employment, inheritance... everything, it's all ours, not one or the other.
But we are both very similar in our approach to money. Stingy, I suppose many would think us. Look for bargains, do DIY, use special offers.Neither of us would consider buying a coffee at a Pret a Manger for instance unless we were desperate. But it means we have the money for the silly things we want. For instance DH has a vintage sports car. I have jetted off to the US for fan conventions.
Our kids are much the same - they don't waste their money. They know we would help them out in a real crisis but they never ask, never expect handouts.

I meant bigger things really… things like house moves, supporting children through university, even retirement. We have joint savings goals and have money in various accounts and investments to meet those goals.

Joint everything so in theory yes and yes but he has no interest in it at all so I sort bills, savings etc. it's all there anytime he chooses to look (possibly if I die before him!!!!)

DH is an accountant so we have spreadsheets for everything! He meticulously tracks all our investments for his complicated FIRE planning.

We maintain our own accounts though and have separate savings, Although the money in them isn’t necessarily separate- he will put money in my ISA when he’s maxed out his. We sit down and go through stuff every few months and make sure we are fair on big purchases like holidays etc.

He earns more than me and has had more inheritance so it’s good to feel like we are in a strong position as a couple, but if we split now I would have to acknowledge that he brought a lot more to the table.

First baby is on the way so we are jointly saving into my account for my Mat leave now and he will continue to top up my missing salary and pension while I’m off.

Yes to both but apart from a joint account for bills separate finances

I suppose it’s the same.

I don’t need to know how much he earns or what he has saved. When our second DC went to uni I probably said “are you covering this” and he did. That’s all i needed to know. Or if I said let’s do/buy xyz he might say can we afford that and I’ll say sure and it’s done. No big discussion.

This is really interesting! What if you’d said ‘are you covering this?’ and his response was ‘no, I’ve got nowhere near enough money’? I think the level of uncertainty would stress me out far too much! Unless you’re both very wealthy and know that the money is there for everything you want/need to do regardless?

Yes, we know each other's earnings and have joint savings. Large expenditure is always discussed between us. Separate current accounts.

Everything is joint, no reason in our relationship not to be.

We do separately. As a man's man according to him he'll always pay for it all. As a woman's woman I'll make sure I have urgency fund and money to buy food if he dies unexpectedly

I agree but that's possible only if both of you easily find yourselves with good salaries and able to always have the upper hand in everything. For many of us marriage provided stability we didn't have otherwise and a home, family, safety and all that as foreign abroad. I'm sure in my own country where I know how things are done it woykd have been different. I have good man though. Does everything for me

Net wealth. Lol. Complete transparency. Where are the women who do manage on universal credit please I'm more interested in the down to earth finance management , its easy to talk when you don't really worry about surviving

I think not knowing exactly how much money your partner earns/has in savings only works if you are very financially comfortable. We have limited savings so if we have a big bill for something then we have to discuss our savings in detail. The same with monthly income, we dont have much to spare each month so we often discuss how much money we have. I'm a sahm now, so money is tighter. When I worked, we still knew each others financial situation but I think in less detail than we do now

Yes, we know how much each other earns and has in savings. It would be weird not to as we are married and have shared goals in life that we are saving for. I was previously with an abuser who kept me in the dark about money and was financially abusive, so I tend to see red flags when I hear about women who don't know how much money their partner has.

We know ballpark of earnings, money gets paid into separate accounts. Savings not so much, we don't check the long term ones that often.

My DH knows my salary and I do tell him about my savings, investments etc but I swear he switches off when I start talking about it because he always seems surprised when he asks how much I've got saved, despite telling him.

How do you future plan if you don’t know what your household has in savings?

I know ballpark & we have shared goals.

@jennymac31 I tell DH about the dcs ISAs occasionally & he definitely doesn't listen 😆

Dh and I have been together nearly 30 years. We both know how much each other earns and we both know roughly how much we each have in savings.

technically each of our savings is joint savings but due to bank accounts and interest rates we have them in our own names.

We share a bank account and have done since we moved in together, before we were married so we see what each other earns and spends. Our savings are also joint. I was the higher earner for about ten years and now he is so it’s all swings and roundabouts and we each see all money earned as our money. We spend as we see fit and would only discuss really big purchases, but we are both very good with money so it’s never been an issue.

I just can’t imagine it being any other way, nothing would quash romantic feelings in a partner for me faster than us sitting working out how much of the bills we should pay each or who’s turn it is to pay for dinner. I think unless there is a big money related issue such as gambling or spending addiction it just screams not really being committed to someone.

For those of you who have referred to having loads of spreadsheets, what do you actually put on them?

I understand people might have a household budget for day to day, but for savings and investments, is it just a list of how much is in each account? How often do you update it?

Exactly.

It really isn't complicated and doesn't need massive discussions with us each knowing every single details of what we each have in savings.

That was the same with my late OH and I although he had little idea about savings as most was on-line and he was hopeless with technology! I did let him look occasionally, if he was very good.