Friend bringing friend on 80th birthday hol and making us pay

[SparklyBrickHare]

I’m absolutely fuming this morning. My friend and I are going to Las Vegas in December for our joint 80th celebrations, mine in November and hers in January. She has told me she’s bringing her other friend with us who I don’t like very much because she witters on about herself all the time.

It was supposed to just be me, DH, her and her DH but now she’s asked if her and I can split the bill and pay for this friend to come with us because she’s lonely and hasn’t got much money. She’s expecting us to pay for not only the flights and hotel but for a day trip and helicopter ride over the Grand Canyon which isn’t exactly cheap anyway without having to fork out for someone else.

I’m annoyed at the both of them. Her friend for expecting it and my friend for asking me to split it with someone I don’t like very much. The problem is that you can’t say anything to her because she victim blames and flies of the handle if you disagree with her. We can’t really have any fall outs because we need to get it booked quickly.
What would you do?

No, this implies OP would actually be fine with the person she doesn’t like crashing her once in a lifetime landmark birthday trip, provided she doesn’t pay. I wouldn’t give any space for CF to come with.

PP response of simply it’s the 4 of us or just me and DH, and leave the ball in their court. You can add as much or little flavour to this as you like.

”No Susan, I don’t have the budget to pay for the expenses of another person, never mind someone I don’t always get along well with. This is such an important trip, and to celebrate our birthdays. I was so looking forward to doing it the four of us. If you’d rather go with CF then I can arrange to go alone with just my DH. I would be disappointed though as we’ve been speaking about/planning this for a good long time.”

‘We can’t really have any fall outs because we need to get it booked quickly.’

Well you can because book with your husband and go with him. I wouldn’t be going with a friend who has the audacity to ask me to pay for anyone else.

Cheeky friend. I'd say no and she either sticks to the original plan or you go with just your husband. Why should you pay for someone else. Ridiculous 🤣

I mean, it’s a little concerning that you even have to ask - are you usually a people pleaser so she thought you’d just roll over?
It’s spectacularly unreasonable for her to even ask you to do this.
I would reply that it’s not what we arranged, doesn’t work for me, am still up for going as a 4 or can arrange to go seperate to them with your husband if she’s dead set on including the lonely one (is it my narcissistic mother? Lonely because she hates everyone and is endlessly rude & entitled? Totally the sort of thing she’d tag along to regardless if she was wanted or not)

Yes I guess ideally OP would rather not have CF there at all in which case the message needs to specifically detail this.

I hope @SparklyBrickHare is seeing all these great drafts!

So she flies off the handle when people say no to her, like a toddler.

Don’t go along with this plan, the friend is being absolute CF and you’ll be miserable. Just say no that doesn’t work for you, you’ll just go with your DH.

Honestly OP, I’m too old for this shit and I’m in my 40s. Say no.

I don’t understand how or why you are such great friends with someone (great enough to go on such a milestone birthday holiday with!!) who ‘victim blames and flys off the handle’ so much!!

You obviously KNOW that her request (demand?) is UTTERLY RIDICULOUS! So tell her to get to fuck! Why on earth are you so concerned about shutting this nonsense down??

Who even suggests that a mate spends hundreds (thousands?) of pounds paying for someone else’s holiday?!?

I can’t even believe that this is real actually, it’s so preposterous!

First of all, that sounds like an awesome 80th birthday! I hope I’m still doing cool trips like that when I’m 80!

Say no, if she persists then just go with your DH. Definitely do not sacrifice your big birthday out of guilt or social pressure, after all you only get one 80th birthday!

There isn't anyone in the world who'd think this was a reasonable request.

I’d not be going with her at all. Cancel the arrangement before any money is paid out or go with just your DH.
I bet you’re friend’s husband won’t be too happy with his wife either!

CF it’s funny how kind people can be when it involves other peoples time/money.

I hope you can just go the 2 of you and it doesn’t affect your booking.

This is completely unreasonable. Say “I will be paying for me and DH only, it is up to you if you would like to pay for her”. Then after that just “No”. Although it sounds like you would be better off going with just DH.

You would be an absolute idiot to agree to this. Honestly i'd just go with my husband and leave those 3 to it

Does your friend know you don't like this person she's trying to invite?

Who's the one that you can't speak your mind to? Your friend or the one you don't like?

At your age surely you should be past all the bullshit of hurt feelings etc. I'd be straight to the point with my friend and say "Sorry, you know I don't get on with ... So won't be contributing to her holiday. If you don't want to stick to the original plan I will make my own"

I think you don't need to wait for your friend to book. You can go ahead and book for yourself and your husband and they can book theirs whenever they want if they decide to come.

This.

What a bloody cheek asking you to pay for her friend though!!

Obviously, no.
If they'd invited another friend without a discussion I would pull out anyway.
No way would I even consider paying for someone else who I hadn't invited myself.
What exactly did you say to her when she told you? That's crazy you didn't immediately shut it down.

It you are worried that she will invite and pay for this woman after you have booked then don’t go with her regardless. If you have paid for flights already, you might be able to switch dates or hotels but both you and your DH getting to 80 and being well enough to get to Vegas is epic and I would not let anyone spoil that.

Stand up for yourself even if that means doing your own thing when you are out there and ignoring your so called friend.

The cheek of expecting you to pay for someone you don’t like 😂

This is perfect!!

What a bloody cheek!

Why would you suggest implying that OP would help pay for the friend if she just had the cash spare? Madness. It just needs a clear "no", no sugar-coating.

She’s expecting us to pay for not only the flights and hotel but for a day trip and helicopter ride over the Grand Canyon which isn’t exactly cheap anyway without having to fork out for someone else.

So, say no. That's not difficult. Who the fuck expects someone to finance their trip to vegas

I think this is still the answer.

You may find it hard to say no or want to avoid a scene , but actually she's done you a favour by making such an unreasonable request it would be hard to believe anyone would agree . QED on this thread.

At 80 years of age you really haven’t figured out that you are in control of your life and can do whatever you want? That’s sad really.

I'd say no. If her friend is lonely, your mutual friend should definitely spend more time with her (without you), but inviting her along on a shared holiday and expecting you to pay for it is not the answer.

You won't enjoy the holiday if you do end up paying (and 'enjoying' the company of this other person), but if you refuse, your friend may make things uncomfortable. So you have nothing to lose, either way. I'd do as PP suggest and just go with your husband. Your friend is being incredibly cheeky, which should make it easier to refuse to change your plans. There's absolutely no doubt that you are not in the wrong.

I agree with the previous posters who have said this is a very cheeky request, @SparklyBrickHare, and there have been some good suggestions for how to refuse this suggestion.

Have you already given No1 friend the idea you are OK with this? Were you so gob smacked when she brought it up that you just nodded weakly and said "yes, OK, why not?"
You can always take the coward's way out - Blame your DH