Friend bringing friend on 80th birthday hol and making us pay

[SparklyBrickHare]

I’m absolutely fuming this morning. My friend and I are going to Las Vegas in December for our joint 80th celebrations, mine in November and hers in January. She has told me she’s bringing her other friend with us who I don’t like very much because she witters on about herself all the time.

It was supposed to just be me, DH, her and her DH but now she’s asked if her and I can split the bill and pay for this friend to come with us because she’s lonely and hasn’t got much money. She’s expecting us to pay for not only the flights and hotel but for a day trip and helicopter ride over the Grand Canyon which isn’t exactly cheap anyway without having to fork out for someone else.

I’m annoyed at the both of them. Her friend for expecting it and my friend for asking me to split it with someone I don’t like very much. The problem is that you can’t say anything to her because she victim blames and flies of the handle if you disagree with her. We can’t really have any fall outs because we need to get it booked quickly.
What would you do?

Nope fuck that. I can see this in my future as my best friend has a very, very, to the point of annoyance, inclusive nature. You just need to be firm and say no early doors. If it means she strops off and doesnt go, it's disappointing but not as disappointing as an expensive trip you resent where you may still fall out but have also paid a lot of money for the privilege.

What does her DH think?! Or is he firmly under the thumb?

And if Jackie wants her friend with her THEN JACKIE SHOULD PAY FOR HER! It's the height of cheek to expect someone else to pay half... who doesn't even want her there.

You say 'no', OP. If Jackie feels so sorry for this other friend, then she can take her away with her on a another holiday, where she can pick up the tab.

So it isn’t actually booked?

’Can we please just go the 4 of us as planned?’

if she says no then just say ‘No problem. I think we’ll just do it the two of us then and maybe we can all celebrate together in another way’

Say “no Jackie that arrangement doesn’t suit us. Would you like to go ahead just the four of us or shall we go separately?”

^ This. She's clearly not worried about being blunt and asking you so I wouldn't worry about being blunt back.

Many on here say there's no harm in asking, people can always say no (not sure I agree TBH) but going along with this logic, she asked, you simply said no.

Breathtakingly rude and entitled behaviour from them. Zero chance of me agreeing to do this if l was you. Sorry your friend is such a cheeky fucker!

So would I.

You cannot be expected to pay for someone else, that's outrageous.

Your friend can be nice to her other friend in different ways, she doesn't need to be an add on to your planned holiday.

Be firm and straightforward about this, you deserve to have a good time.

It’s such a big request it should be easy to say no to. If she doesn’t like it, she can pay for her friend to go on holiday and you can go with your DH and see if any other, nicer friends want to join you.

Why on earth would you pay for someone who you don't like to come on a special holiday with you? You know it would spoil the trip for you!
Just go with your husband, you'll have a much more enjoyable time.

It’s a no from me. You can guarantee friend and CF will ruin your holiday

It's beyond cheeky to invite another person without asking you first and even worse to expect you to pay for someone that you don't even like.

“Hi friend. This is an expensive holiday already for us so unfortunately I’m not able to contribute to XX’s costs. Looking forward to it!”

Keep it short and sweet. No drama, no judgement. Just a quick no and move on. This is friends situation to sort, not yours.

Can’t really believe someone would ask this .

The problem is that you can’t say anything to her because she victim blames and flies of the handle if you disagree with her. We can’t really have any fall outs because we need to get it booked quickly.

Is this the friend who asked or the friend of the friend? If it's your actual friend, why on earth do you want to go on holiday with her and her DH?

The audacity of asking you to help pay for her friend would be the end of a friendship for me

Not a bloody chance. I'd cancel the full lot after that.

She will be sponging the entire time, I've seen too many threads on here. She will probably bring about $100 spending money and expect you all to pay for everything whilst she's there, I mean why wouldn't she seeing as it's a free trip?

What would I do?

I'd reply "i dont think im being awkward when I say im really not fancying paying a small fortune for someone else. Might be easier if we book separate so you/her/DH can go out earlier and we'll join later and we can meet up and split bills so me/DH pay our share and you/DH cover hers. Let me know as im looking at dates now"

Or, truthfully, id prob be more firm "no i dont want to pay for your friend and was hoping it would just be the 4 of us, if you want we can ditch the idea of going together and we'll do a meal instead"

What an absolute cheeky mate!! 😂😂

Yes. Ditch the lot of them.

Yes, you can see exactly how it will play out: sometimes, the two couples will split up and do things separately themselves for a day/afternoon/few hours - and then what on earth is she going to do? Either play gooseberry or be lonely again.

It's one thing agreeing for a loner to tag along to a big party or something; but not for your special once-in-a-lifetime amazing holiday - even if she were paying for herself.

I would refuse and go separately with just your DH. Have you been away with this couple before? She sounds enough of a CF that you wouldn't enjoy the trip with her and her husband even without the other friend there

"The problem is that you can’t say anything to her because she victim blames and flies of the handle if you disagree with her. "

If this is your friend, it sounds like she's not quite the friend you think she is. She wants to bring another friend on what was supposed to be your birthday celebration and bully you into paying her other friend's way. She's not happy with spending this time with just you and your spouses.

As for "making" you pay, would you really cave to bullying and let yourself be such a doormat as to pay for this?

This. It's an outrageous request.

Off-topic but am impressed as hell that you're doing this trip for your 80th!

Who had the idea for her to come along - did the friend invite/want to invite her along, or did she invite herself?

If the latter, she must be a breath-taking CF if she thought she would just tag along on two couples' big joint special holiday AND expect them to pay for her as well.

me neither. It's major CF territory.

1. to ask if a friend could join the 4 of them - it's a bit random and weird.
2. to expect the 4 of them to subsidise this friend and give her a free holiday?! Er...what? 🤔👀

I would be annoyed she invited extra person i dont like much but I would tolerate it if she was paying her way. Absolutely no way would I pay for her.

This.

Leave them to get on with it. Your 'friend' doesn't sound much of a friend.