Friend bringing friend on 80th birthday hol and making us pay

[SparklyBrickHare]

I’m absolutely fuming this morning. My friend and I are going to Las Vegas in December for our joint 80th celebrations, mine in November and hers in January. She has told me she’s bringing her other friend with us who I don’t like very much because she witters on about herself all the time.

It was supposed to just be me, DH, her and her DH but now she’s asked if her and I can split the bill and pay for this friend to come with us because she’s lonely and hasn’t got much money. She’s expecting us to pay for not only the flights and hotel but for a day trip and helicopter ride over the Grand Canyon which isn’t exactly cheap anyway without having to fork out for someone else.

I’m annoyed at the both of them. Her friend for expecting it and my friend for asking me to split it with someone I don’t like very much. The problem is that you can’t say anything to her because she victim blames and flies of the handle if you disagree with her. We can’t really have any fall outs because we need to get it booked quickly.
What would you do?

Good grief just say no. Why is this even a problem?

Pick one of the first two answers.
Probably answer 2 followed by answer 1.
Say “no Jackie that arrangement doesn’t suit us. Would you like to go ahead just the four of us or shall we go separately?”
Followed by
Just go with your DH.

I would say "Absolutely not, are you quite mad?"

Why on earth would you subsidise a woman you don't even like? Just tell your friend it's a 'no' and let the 2 of them organise a separate holiday.

Jackie, we agreed that it was just going to be the four of us. I would prefer that we stick to that plan. To be clear if you do invite person x Dh and I will not be funding her trip nor any of her expense while there.

Tell her that doesn't work for you. She's welcome to take the friend if she wants, but you won't be paying for it. That's really cheeky of both of them tbh and I would be rethinking the friendship.

Absolutely not. Just say no, you don’t want to pay for another person who you don’t like. I’m thankful that at 60 I’ve finally learned how to give no fucks about saying no!

YABU to be such a wimp

Nope. I'd be booking flights for just you and your DH to go on your actual birthday. If she wants her pain in the arse friend there she can pay for her and do all the donkey work of booking everything and looking after her while she's there.

Don't do this. Just say no in whatever way you feel comfortable. This is YOUR celebration and holiday and it's expensive and you shouldn't have to pay more for someone you don't like joining or to compromise your enjoyment of the trip by having them there.

BTW, you'll still have a fabulous time if you go with just your dh, so even if she takes it badly, you have a back up!!

Also, if she takes it badly she's a shitty friend. She should care about what you want and in this case, what you want trumps what her friend might want, because it's your birthday celebration!

Just say no, why didn't you do that straight away?

Perfect response.

This!
I would be furious if someone hijacked my holiday plans in that way! Absolutely ridiculous to expect you to fund a vacation for a person you don’t particularly like just because they’re lonely!

Surely by age 80 you must be able to stick up for yourself and tell her it doesn't work for you and wish her well with her trip

A mish mash response based on PP and my own:

“That doesn’t work for me I’m afraid Jackie. That’s lovely you want to help your friend though. So are you able to cover the cost of CF so we can all go as a group still or will you be changing your plans? Let me know by X date and time so I can proceed with the booking”.

You will have to screw your courage to the sticking place and say no.

Just say no and if she chooses not to come then just you and your DH go.
Your "friend" sounds like a pain anyway

I don't blame you for being annoyed. It is supposed to be a big celebration.

Does she know you don't like her other friend? If you want to be gentle I would say ''Shelly is OK but I really couldn't spend a week with her. Can you maybe do something locally with her to have your own celebration. Anyway I couldn't afford to pay for her regardless!''

Make sure you get to Vegas for your 80th though what an amazing way to celebrate. I went at 21 it is just a different world

The only reply necessary. This is perfect

This

Just scrap the whole thing and, as others have said, book something yourself with your DH. This trip already seems fraught so what is the point of putting yourself through it. Just say "Sorry Jackie, but we won't be able to go (insert some excuse). Hope you and Dave have a nice time in the Grand Canyon with Agatha"

I voted YABU, to not have said no, as soon as it came up.

"What would you do?"

I would say no.

Not sure what your AIBU is, but I’d sack them both off, and go with your DH. I kind of get her wanting to bring said lonely friend (does she know you don’t like her much though?) but to ask you to pay towards her is outrageous! So this person is essentially getting a freebie!!

Perfect response

Please let us know what happens, OP!