DP drove in to my car this morning. I feel conflicted on his paying for the damage to be repaired

[Helpagirlyout]

I don't know if my judgement is being clouded. Been with DP 10 years. Things have been up and down lately. Mostly down, but more up the last 2 weeks or so.

DP has had a terrible day. First thing this morning he reversed in to my car and his van at the same time. He was in his car, and attempted to manoeuvre between the two vehicles, obviously misjudged it and hit both. There's a scrape up the side if his van, my car has paint scraped off the rear quarter, and his car is dented, scratched and paint removed on opposite corners. He came and told me straight away and the damage to all three vehicles is quite significant. His car is worst off (his pride and joy).

He went to work and got a quote to have mine resprayed (mates rates) and it was £275. Money he doesn't really have at the moment.

Then driving home, he drove over a huge screw and he needs a new tyre.

Then he has another inconvenience (fortunately not financial, but a real blow to him).

This all comes a few days after an unexpected bill he received.

My car is obviously damaged but completely drive able (my car is worth probably £5k, it's old but in great condition). He now needs to have his tyre replaced first if all which I totally agree with. But what to do about my paintwork? Do I let him off because I feel huge anxiety about him not doing well financially (his fault, he's trying to pay down his credit cards he's run up being stupid) or do I insist it's done because it was technically his fault and it will affect the value of my car. I could wait as it's not urgent.

What should I do?

YABU - Don't make him pay, it was a mistake
YANBU - He should pay to have it repaired, it wasn't my fault

No idea. I once backed into my DH’s car causing damage to both. We just ran it all through insurance and paid my at fault excess. My premium (as at fault driver) remained unchanged as after decades of no fault driving would be very rude for insurance to put that up as I pointed out 😁. We have joint $$ so it’s all one pot and made no difference who paid for what🤣. Accidents happen, that’s life. That’s also the mantra I try and use when one of my kids shits up the cars due to seemingly no spatial awareness when parking with pillers/poles etc including the backs/fronts even with the front and back cameras, and alarm sensors we have in all our cars 🤦‍♀️.

I was all for 50-50 until I read he had 5 cars, I'm sure there's one he can sell, probably 3 TBH. He's put a lot of money into depreciating assets.

I bet the neighbours are happy
the op and this chap having 6 cars parked up between them

You could pay and let him owe you. You could wait as it’s not urgent. These things seem to come in threes, so hopefully that’s the bad luck done with and things look up for him soon.

He financially suppresses you? And has five cars?
in that case, he sells one of his cars and pays you back and you drive off into the sunset without the fucking idiot.

He should fix it.

He doesn't need to fix his own van or his car but my guess is that he'll prioritise them.

On the one hand, he's been financially abusing you, while running up credit card debt, and your relationship has been "mostly down" for ten years.

On the other hand, the last two weeks have been alright.

Definitely keep going with this very solid-sounding relationship OP. You both sound like winners. And yeah, totally let him off paying for the damage.

Yes- if he hit anyone else’s car he would be paying to fix it/ claiming off insurance. If you can afford to you can agree a repayment in instalments type thing to not seem totally heartless but ultimately this was his mistake, no matter how bad a week he was having or whatever else he is still accountable.

ETA: if you trust him to repay you in instalments that is. Given his financial history not sure I would…!

If you’re not married, thank god for that as if you were you would be liable for his debts. Make sure you stay unmarried until you extricate yourself from this idiot.

💯

If your car is driveable and you're OK with it looking scratched I'd honestly just put it on the "to do" list for a couple of months until he's flush again?

Agree that he needs to sort out his tyre first
And if the damage to your car is purely cosmetic, then maybe deal with his debts before a new paint job?
But if you have separate finances (as many couples do) it's definitely his responsibility when the time comes to fix it

I'd make him pay it, he can sell one of his vehicles. Hell, sell 2 of them! Ridiculous to have 5 when he's drowning in debt.

Whoever pays, if you don't fix it soon it will affect the value of your car far more than mates rates to fix it. It might start to rust. The longer you leave it the more likely it won't get done at all and it will be harder to enforce DP getting it done.

Agree with others, he needs to sell some of the vehicles if he's in debt. They're dropping in value every month (unless they're classic cars).

Why on earth does he have 5 cars while he’s in debt? Unless he’s a taxi driver or they are work vehicles, he needs to sell one or two of his cars!

The bigger question is why are you staying in a relationship with someone who is financially abusive and terrible with money?

He is an adult not a child stop bank rolling him. How will he ever learn that actions have consequences. He needs to sell some cars & pay off debts. If he won’t I would really think if this is the relationship you want?

I’ve been married for 20 years and don’t have joint finances!

Tyre fixed as first priority. Your paintwork sorted as second, and then his two vehicles in whichever order he wants.

Alternatively just put it through insurance and let them sort?

Five vehicles? Shit loads of debt? And he’s so bad with money you keep everything separate?

Too right the idiot can pay. He can sell one of his vehicles to cover it.

I have never understood very long term couples (married or not), not having joint financial affairs and goals.

But it sound like you have very good reason for this. But that is a HUGE different issue.

For this one issue, you have separate finances, his mistake, his responsibility to fix. Unless he bails you out financially regularly if you are struggling too then this one is on him. Especially if he caused the issue damaging 3 vehicles by having a ridiculous number of vehicles parked in too tight a space.

Doesn't sound like a healthy relationship to be in when you have to separate yourself from him to keep yourself financially safe.

Are you questioning your relationship?

It doesn’t sound great.

I once reversed my boyfriend’s car into my boss’s car (that was a fun day 🤣😱).

It was over 25 years ago, but I’m fairly certain I paid the excess. It was my fault, so of course I paid for it. I also arranged for both cars to be fixed.

I don’t see any reason why your DP should not pay for the damage he caused.

so why are you still together?

I droce my car in to my boss car and lovely guy didn’t charge me a penny!

He was responsible, but got a quote and was willing to pay for the damage caused to your motor, but further events have overtaken these, so I'd cover it myself to ease the burden on him. Don't make a bad situation even worse.