DP drove in to my car this morning. I feel conflicted on his paying for the damage to be repaired

[Helpagirlyout]

I don't know if my judgement is being clouded. Been with DP 10 years. Things have been up and down lately. Mostly down, but more up the last 2 weeks or so.

DP has had a terrible day. First thing this morning he reversed in to my car and his van at the same time. He was in his car, and attempted to manoeuvre between the two vehicles, obviously misjudged it and hit both. There's a scrape up the side if his van, my car has paint scraped off the rear quarter, and his car is dented, scratched and paint removed on opposite corners. He came and told me straight away and the damage to all three vehicles is quite significant. His car is worst off (his pride and joy).

He went to work and got a quote to have mine resprayed (mates rates) and it was £275. Money he doesn't really have at the moment.

Then driving home, he drove over a huge screw and he needs a new tyre.

Then he has another inconvenience (fortunately not financial, but a real blow to him).

This all comes a few days after an unexpected bill he received.

My car is obviously damaged but completely drive able (my car is worth probably £5k, it's old but in great condition). He now needs to have his tyre replaced first if all which I totally agree with. But what to do about my paintwork? Do I let him off because I feel huge anxiety about him not doing well financially (his fault, he's trying to pay down his credit cards he's run up being stupid) or do I insist it's done because it was technically his fault and it will affect the value of my car. I could wait as it's not urgent.

What should I do?

YABU - Don't make him pay, it was a mistake
YANBU - He should pay to have it repaired, it wasn't my fault

Why the hell does someone with debt own 5 vehicles???

Five cars?? Sell 4, pay off debts (including the one he now has to you).

Surely if cash strapped he can sell one vehicle and pay for repairs to the 3 damaged ones?

I was going to say that I'd pay and then get dp to give me the money back monthly but as he has five vehicles and is in debt, he should absolutely sell the three spare cars.
Separate finances is fine. We do that ( we do have a joint account for joint costs/ savings). I wouldn't do the 'all in one pot' ( we are 25 years in). Why would I , it wouldn't benefit me 🤣.

Having read your other threads, it’s worrying that he misjudged the distances between the cars especially as you were wondering if he had dementia in one of them.
I think there is a lot more to what’s going on than a few damaged cars.
You really do need to sit and think what you are getting from this relationship.

Tell him to claim on his insurance, that's what it's for. Or pay it himself if he doesn't want to knock the insurance on his other 5 cars next renewal. No way you should you be paying given the circumstances you've outlined.

He needs to pay you the money. If not, it sets a precedent that you will always bail him out.

He keeps you "financially oppressed" and has 5 cars despite loads of debt?

I would leave him and make his bad run of luck even worse.

He can sell three vehicles to start with and pay for the repair on the others.

He drove past one vehicle damaging it and kept going damaging another. Really?

He is in debt but has 5 cars??? Unless he is a used car sales person he needs to sell 4 and claw his way out of debt! Defo make him pay for your car. No sympathy for a person in debt that also has too many cars I’m afraid!

Reading her comments it sounds like he’s not good with money! However, why do people have to have joint finances? I’ve been with my DH 39 years and have never had joint finances we just split the bills down the middle! Do you want to know why, I’ve friends who have separated and the ex partner has emptied their joint accounts and left them penniless!

Let me guess - he’s making you feel heartless getting the car repaired that he drove into? Get it repaired or go through your insurance. And then leave.

He should sell at least one of his 5 cars (depending on their value) and use the money to pay for all the damage.

If he has any integrity he will pay for the repairs to your car before paying for anything else (other than the essential tyre).

There is no reason for him not to pay for your repair.

No reason at all.

And he would be especially unreasonable to repair his car before yours or instead of yours.

I agree with everyone else - he should pay for the damage and sell an extra car if necessary. Why does he even have 5? You can only drive one at a time surely!

Of course he should pay.
What exactly do you mean by financially oppressed?
It sounds abusive and controlling?
If so, you should be getting out.

I was erring on the side of 'let it go' until you mentioned the five cars and the financial oppression (do you mean financial abuse?)...

Why does he need five vehicles? Can he sell one of them?

Maybe to lighten the load a little you could offer to get it done and he could pay you back at a later date or instalments if he is struggling at the minute.

No, no, no!

He will pay to get his ‘pride and joy’ repaired, the ‘later date’ will get later and later, into the never never, and the OP will be left having paid £275 and with rising resentment.

Him paying tax, insurance, MOT etc on 5 vehicles is a massive waste of money. He can afford to pay OP for the damage he has done

I was going to suggest letting him away with it if you can afford it then I read the update saying hes got 5 cars, you have one and he has financially suppressed you in the past. So the answer is YANBU he can well afford it and is clearly a higher earner or on more income and predominantly it was his fault! Do not let him off one penny while he sits there with his vehicle fleet. As other posters say he needs to sell his cars and sort out his debt! Not your problem OP

That is your response to the OP?

Why should the OP have joint finances with someone with whom she has no legal or financial contract (aka marriage)?

She has her head screwed on.

Can you explain a bit more about financially oppressed, Op?

Calmly ask him what he would do if roles were reversed? I suspect he would insist you pay, wouldn’t he?

Later updated to say he has "financially oppressed" OP so that's even worse.

I was going to say I would let my husband off paying for the scratch on my car but not after reading that!