To get irrationally angry at train behaviour

[MisanthropeLikely]

I'm not an angry person, but I'm thinking I might be becoming a Victor Meldrew when travelling. Particularly by train. Particularly long distance. Specific behaviour that enrages me:

1. People that have loud phone conversations or video calls on trains

1. People on long train journeys with limited space in the luggage rack who selfishly put their small bags on it rather than in the overhead, meaning people with larger cases have no space to put it

1. People who spend ages farting around standing in the aisle during boarding so no one can pass.

1. People who act like it's the Olympic 100m in their rush to get off

1. Men who manspread into the aisle

1. People who sit on your reserved seat and then refuse to move.

1. Lone travellers who take up 4 seater sections, preventing people in groups from sitting together

1. People who ostentatiously poo on trains. I mean, I get you sometimes have to go but some of the things people do are disgusting

1. Listening to music or watching videos with no headphones

10. Train stations that are massive but wait until 10 minutes before the train to tell you your platform so you need to have a stress race to make it with your bags.

11. People who wont move their bags off seats on an obviously full train.

I get irrationally angry about this stuff. My worst ever experiences were:

I was on a train once and this man had vrazely taken our reserved seats despite them being marked reserved and other empty seats. He'd set himself up some kind of fucking buffet on our table with a cloth and everything, then when I politely asked him to move, he told me to go and sit somewhere else because I was disturbing his meal.

Another time I was boarding a eurostar in an intense heatwave after a huge delay. It was roasting, I'd been standing at the gate for two solid hours in menopause sweats with a load of heavy bags. They started boarding. It's about 29 steps down to the platform, and a ramp os provided for people with luggage. The attendant was at the top of the ramp telling everyone who did not have luggage to take the stairs.

Anyway, there I am struggling to keep ny heavy suitcase from rolling right down the ramp and taking me with it, and some woman with no luggage at all aside from her small handbag decided to walk down the luggage ramp and overtake everyone on the inside. As there was no space, she moved her legs into my suitcase and then shouted at me "YOUR SUITCASE IS ON MY LEGS, WHY DONT YOU WATCH WHERE YIUR GOING"

I flushed bright red and said "I'm going downhill with a heavy bag I can barely control, multiple other bags and you walked into me trying to overtske", she turned and sniggered at me. A real deep, patronising snigger.

I still hold a grudge a year later.

Does anyone else experience these feelings or is it just me? I am petrified of flying so travel extensively by rail and I am at a point where I don't enjoy travelling because I feel so irrationally cross at inconsiderate and rude people.

Anyone else?

I used to commute daily by train (only 30mins). Once, a man had his laptop on the seat next to him. The train was busy. I said "excuse me, can I sit here" and indicated the seat. He then told me off, saying I should have said "please"!!!!!? I still get angry thinking about it years later.

Another time some school kids ran past me in the aisle. I was in an aisle seat. One kids school bag smacked me round the face and sent my glasses flying!

You’re completely wrong on this.

Those seats are also designed for people travelling to work which is why they are on many trains the only seats that have charger sockets.

If by any chance you are ever on a train that I’m on with my children and see us not being able to sit together due to “some yahoo with a laptop”, please don’t be outraged on my behalf - unlike you I don’t expect the world to shape to my needs and would just accept we’d need to sit where we can and make the best of it, because some other people had got to those seats first.

Well please would not have gone amiss although he was a bit rude himself to point out your lack of manners.

I'm so fascinated as to how one ostentatiously poos.... I want to try it.

My post 02.12
"They do it on trains with no reserved seats though. And almost always put their bag on the other seat and cover the table with their laptop. It's like staking territory"

Gertrude at 8.33
"Lone travellers in a four seat - I get how some people need their laptop out.But what gets me is the men who not only sit there (which is fine) but spread over the four seats and the whole table, with a laptop or whatever. I would never have the front to do that! The area is meant for four, regardless of whether or not they’re a group, and people need to just take up one seat’s worth of it, not the whole thing like a little train office"

I replied to that with "That's what I mean".

I think you've not read the full conversation, so maybe no need to accuse people of pretending on a light hearted thread eh?

Nice try, but:

"Lone travellers who take up 4 seater sections, preventing people in groups from sitting together"

"They’re occupying a shared space designed for groups, families, or those travelling together. These areas are limited and clearly intended to allow people to sit facing each other, not to give one person a superior seat. The solo passenger has plenty of alternatives: choosing the most communal spot for individual comfort—while others struggle to find a place together—is just selfish. This is a hill I'm prepared to die on, it drives me mad seeing people with young kids unable to find suitable seating because every 4 seater is taken by some yahoo with a laptop"

“I travel by train a lot for work. I need to use the 4 hours to Leeds or wherever to work. And I have as much right as anyone else to reserve a seat at a table.”

I do agree with this. People travelling alone have as much right to a table as anyone else.

Re: people who start to board as you are all still getting off the train-
Once I had got over about 50 and was entering my stroppy old woman phase, I started telling them all in a firm head teacher-type voice (I was not a teacher!) to "wait until we are all off!"and holding out my arm to block their pushing past me as I am getting off the train. It has been quite effective for the last 20 years and I don't know why more disgruntled disembarking passengers don't do this.

Yes, and if you continue reading the discussion, I said what I posted. People are, in conversation, allowed a back and forth. This isn't the Spanish Inquisition. It's a chat!

^ Exactly this.

Folks with kids who don't regularly travel on the train presume that that a table seat is the best choice. It's often not. Having everyone in the same row but across the aisle can be a good choice. In my experience children (say) 6-7+ enjoy the independence and lack of constant interrupting by their parents - and can be better behaved as a result. Give them a special travel kit - book, colouring in to do, snacks, etc., and they will be in their own little space.

She was being very polite asking if she could sit there.

It's so rude to have a laptop on the seat on a busy train. He should have moved it without having to be asked.

You're not unreasonable to be annoyed by a lot of these things but you can only control your own behaviour and reactions.

Some people will do these things and be this way, they just are.

There is no point always getting annoyed and worked up about it because the only person you are really bothering and making unhappy is yourself.

Try something like some CBT techniques, breathing and reflecting on how you are thinking/ reacting to things. You will have a more pleasant journey that way.

To be fair, saying please is a basic courtesy....or it was?

This. They’ve as much right to sit there as anyone else.

Yes, and it's fine that you changed your mind.

When it comes to train travel, hell is other people. Especially in a confined space.

Air and bus travel the same.

Do long distance trains still have quiet sections? I haven’t been on one in ages as I prefer to drive now but I remember being a teenager and travelling Manchester-London and carriage A was reserved for people who wanted to sit in silence.

It was bliss. The only noise was people tapping on their laptops.

People need to be quick when getting off, especially at stations where trains are terminating.

Quite often, the conductor has to lock it up and then be somewhere else not long after and dithering people just slow everything down.

I am often a solo traveller on trains and I totally disagree with this.

Four seats around a table are not the sole preserve of groups and families. That's bollocks. They can actually be reserved in advance on many trains for a variety of unrelated people and when they aren't reserved then it is first come first served. Other people can join if they wish but if I am there (I was yesterday) then I have as much right to be there as anyone else. I'll be staying put.

The other thing I would take issue with you on is your complaint about people not putting their small bags on the floor to ceiling luggage racks instead of the overhead racks. I always put my cabin sized suitcase on these floor to ceiling racks because I simply cannot reach to use the overhead ones. I once had to take issue with a tall man who just took it upon himself to put my case where it would have been inaccessible for me. When I did demonstrate to him the problem with where he had put it he did, very reluctantly, put it back in its original place.

You are assuming that everyone can reach the overhead racks comfortably (or even at all in some instances, as that man did with me) but that absolutely isn't the case.

On most of the rest of your rant I think I would agree with you.

This happened on a train last week though I'm not sure it was specifically train behaviour...

Dp and I were sitting with middle DD (1) and a woman was sat opposite, she kept chatting to her and playing peekaboo and was lovely.

DD kissed me and her dad and then leaned over to try and kiss the other woman who also leaned in! I pulled DD back and said 'oh blow kisses'

Later in the journey I'd half forgotten the woman was there and was just playing with DD when suddenly DP looked up at the woman and asked if she'd just taken a photo of DD. She said she had and deleted it when asked but wtf?!

If it's not reserved, I always sit on a table because I like sitting at a table, I didn't realise this was a taboo, I don't bag block the seats around me. I also always move so a parent can sit with their child or children though or if I spot someone in need. I would probably also move if a group of 4 asked me to so they could sit together (as long as I had a seat to move to) 😬

You'd hate me, then! Unfortunately, I have tried everything and it can't be stopped 🤣

This isn't the Spanish Inquisition.

Nobody would expect that.

As a solo traveller I wouldn't take up one seat of a group of four on a busy train, but I do sometimes feel that society would rather single people just didn't exist.

What happened was that discussing it with others made me understand specifically why I find it incredibly annoying. Conversations work like that. Have a lovely day.