To get irrationally angry at train behaviour

[MisanthropeLikely]

I'm not an angry person, but I'm thinking I might be becoming a Victor Meldrew when travelling. Particularly by train. Particularly long distance. Specific behaviour that enrages me:

1. People that have loud phone conversations or video calls on trains

1. People on long train journeys with limited space in the luggage rack who selfishly put their small bags on it rather than in the overhead, meaning people with larger cases have no space to put it

1. People who spend ages farting around standing in the aisle during boarding so no one can pass.

1. People who act like it's the Olympic 100m in their rush to get off

1. Men who manspread into the aisle

1. People who sit on your reserved seat and then refuse to move.

1. Lone travellers who take up 4 seater sections, preventing people in groups from sitting together

1. People who ostentatiously poo on trains. I mean, I get you sometimes have to go but some of the things people do are disgusting

1. Listening to music or watching videos with no headphones

10. Train stations that are massive but wait until 10 minutes before the train to tell you your platform so you need to have a stress race to make it with your bags.

11. People who wont move their bags off seats on an obviously full train.

I get irrationally angry about this stuff. My worst ever experiences were:

I was on a train once and this man had vrazely taken our reserved seats despite them being marked reserved and other empty seats. He'd set himself up some kind of fucking buffet on our table with a cloth and everything, then when I politely asked him to move, he told me to go and sit somewhere else because I was disturbing his meal.

Another time I was boarding a eurostar in an intense heatwave after a huge delay. It was roasting, I'd been standing at the gate for two solid hours in menopause sweats with a load of heavy bags. They started boarding. It's about 29 steps down to the platform, and a ramp os provided for people with luggage. The attendant was at the top of the ramp telling everyone who did not have luggage to take the stairs.

Anyway, there I am struggling to keep ny heavy suitcase from rolling right down the ramp and taking me with it, and some woman with no luggage at all aside from her small handbag decided to walk down the luggage ramp and overtake everyone on the inside. As there was no space, she moved her legs into my suitcase and then shouted at me "YOUR SUITCASE IS ON MY LEGS, WHY DONT YOU WATCH WHERE YIUR GOING"

I flushed bright red and said "I'm going downhill with a heavy bag I can barely control, multiple other bags and you walked into me trying to overtske", she turned and sniggered at me. A real deep, patronising snigger.

I still hold a grudge a year later.

Does anyone else experience these feelings or is it just me? I am petrified of flying so travel extensively by rail and I am at a point where I don't enjoy travelling because I feel so irrationally cross at inconsiderate and rude people.

Anyone else?

They do but people go in them and make noise.

Sorry, I was on your side before this (and still am with most of your points!). The 4 seats are usually the only one with a table - why should a single person not be able to use this either with laptop or food themselves? Just because a family want to look at each other?

We travel by train a lot - incliding all o er Europe. Generally behaviour is fine.

A couple from our long distance journies across France last week - groups of tourist who, as soon as they get off the Eurostar at Gare du Nord, pause to take a million group photos with the train. Erm- some of us have onward connections to make!

Specifc to French trains - people who wait until the last moment and dither on the stairs of the TGV - like did you forget you needed to go downstairs get off the train? Similarly people which loads of massive suitcases wbo book the upper deck and then struggle to get them up and down the stairs.

Great. No need to pretend you said something different initially, though.

They need more specialised coaches

The "my kids might get excited" coach... for families who are just trying their best but the child might forget their indoor voice

The "adult party" coach... nothing dirty, just groups of adults who want a few beers and forget to kind their luggage

The "worker" coach for those just tapping away on their laptops

The "I'm an important business man" coach for loud important meetings (that aren't actually important)

The "performance parenting coach" so the performance parents can show off to each other

Having travelled by train extensively in Europe the best trains are Switzerland. They run on time. They tell you what platform you're leaving from with plenty if warning. There's lots of space.

In Greece, I can't say for certain but I think queueing is basically just not a thing at all. People don't line up, it's just a free for all. I adore Greece though and travel there by train generally once a year but I need to mentally adjust to the lack of queuing.

I deeply resent the fact that in the UK our trains are so much more expensive and yet they're often overbooked with insufficient space for luggage and things often don't work. I go from London to Aberdeen a lot to visit kids and it's daylight robbery

But th appalling train behaviour from others is definitely worst in London. So many people. Such a culture of selfishness. Similarly you can never go and get a coffee anymore as every table is taken up by someone who's decided to go work there for the afternoon.

OP did say something different at first and for several of her posts tried to argue it.

She began to backtrack when people didn't universally agree with her statement that four seater tables are designed for specific groups and demographics only (they aren't, they're just there if wanted, either reserved or first come first served) and those solo travellers of us who use them are totally selfish.

As a practical tip to deal with one of those very annoying late platform announcements you can use RealTimeTrains which often has the platform in advance. Also if you are at Paddington stand on the overbridge and you are closer to standard class, and it’s less busy.

When we're travelling as family on local trains (no tables, no reserved seats), my ASD tween is always on a mission to find a group of four where we can sit together and nearly always they are taken up by single travellers even if the pairs of seats are mostly empty. It just doesn't compute to him why solo travellers take these seats and will storm down the train until he finds an empty set of four, loudly proclaiming how unreasonable it is for single people to take them "Why are they sat there, these seats are for groups?". It does occasionally shame someone into moving!

I'm with you, apart from the ostentatious pooing one.

As someone in the past who has needed to poo on a train, there was no other option than to use the toilet and do it. I don't think it was ostentatious mind you - I flushed it away and everything.

Nobody needs to be 'shamed' because they're doing nothing wrong.
I get the ASD thing but that doesn't mean you can all be rude either. 🫣

I'd be ashamed if my child behaved so obnoxiously. You seem proud?

Another not on the seats of four...

When travelling alone at night, I would avoid the pairs, and sit in the fours/sixes as its less easy to get boxed in by men. Especially if the train is quiet. Basic self preservation unfortunately.

I hope you tell him that they are just as entitled to be sitting in these seats as anyone else and he doesn't get to police the seating on a train. It might even have been their reserved seat. If not reserved then it is first come first served. Even for the four seater tables.

I wouldn't have moved for anyone loudly giving off like that.

He is being very unreasonable. I personally avoid the 4 seats when I’m travelling alone as I don’t like them, but a single person is as entitled to sit there as a group, as long as they are only taking up 1/4 of the space at the table.

Some of this YANBU about. However, why stress about that person desperate to get off in a hurry? I just leave those types to it and get off when I'm ready. Why should the single traveller be forced to sit somewhere they don't want just in case a group might turn up? If you want to sit together as a group, book your seats, don't try and guilt-trip other people.

Who poos "ostentatiously" on trains, and how? Do they leave the doors open? If you gotta go, you gotta go.

I would never be 'shamed' into moving as I have done nothing wrong if I also would like to sit with a table. If asked nicely and I can see there are a group of four I will often offer. Actually reading that makes me no longer want to move and I will probably stay put. Thanks x

Why wouldn’t you? I need a forward facing seat. If it’s one of four, that’s where I’ll sit.

I travel alone quite often and always try to book a table seat. I'm not, unfortunately for your thesis, a 'yahoo with a laptop'; I just like a table seat and, if I'm paying for a ticket and am given a choice of seats, I will exercise my choice.

Other people are welcome to sit at the same table as me.
Call me selfish, I really don't care.

@JimJimJam, what are you doing to educate him out of this rude behaviour?

Table seats aren't 'for groups', they're just seats round a table.
If your rude child came down my train shouting that, I might as well tell you now I wouldn't move.

Eh?? My original post is right there at the top of the thread for everyone to read. How would anyone be “pretending” it says something else when it’s plain as day? Everyone’s seen it.

It’s already been explained to you—though it shouldn’t need to be—that this is a conversation. I said something annoyed me, chatted with others about why, and when someone summed it up well, I said, “that’s what I mean.” That’s literally how normal conversation works.

Why you’re grilling someone on a lighthearted Mumsnet thread is beyond me. Enough now. I'll be ignoring from here on in.

Best comment by far!

Me too @MisanthropeLikely .

I had a horrible argument on a train the other day re. one of the pointers on your list.

I think people like us are more sensitive to noise and are also simply less neathanderal generally. Plus many people - even if a minority - are selfish selfish selfish.

Buying some noise cancelling headphones has helped, though they are heavy to carry round with me.

Nothing, by the sound of it. They seem to think it is acceptable. It isn't, so I wouldn't give in to this bollocks as a fellow traveller.

It's encouraging rudeness, and autism doesn't make it acceptable. You still have to explain to them why they are wrong (I have an autistic DD).