AIBU to think parents don’t need to be ultra smart/ formal for graduation ceremonies?

[MimiGC]

Our son is graduating from UWE next week. He’s wearing a suit and tie, as are his friends. I think smart casual is fine for parents, but DH thinks formal wear for parents is required and is planning on wearing a suit and tie himself. Grateful for Mumsnetters experiences- who has been to a graduation ceremony recently and what were parents wearing?

@Seeline Since when is what you describe dressing up? Dresses for women are fairly standard aren’t they? I’ve seen wedding attire described as being the norm! It’s not. Uwe is jackets for men and a decent dress or trouser suit for women. Standard day clothes that are not informal, but they are not wedding clothes and if people dressed like a formal wedding guest, on a hot day, it would be inappropriate. As a I said earlier a linen suit for a man, or quality separates, and a dress from a natural fabric for women and trousers with appropriate top are fine.

I wore a silk floral shift dress for DD1 and palazzo pants and a silk top for DD2. That was LCF and Grayson Perry handed out the degrees so who cared what anyone wore quite frankly! It ranged from top level designers to very casual! Uwe parents aren’t going around looking at everyone and making judgements. My neighbour’s DS went to Uwe as did friends twins. From photos they seem to be smart but not wedding smart.

Depends on how you define wedding smart I suppose. The last graduation I went to could easily have been mistaken for a wedding on the basis of the guests’ outfits.

I think there is a difference between not needing "added gravitas" and needing "comedy".

I don't think that making men wearing ties makes a graduation ceremony better.

What you describe yourself wearing is pretty much wedding attire for a guest isn’t it? What would you be wearing for a wedding more dressed up than that?

I agree - that is wedding attire. And that is appropriate for the occasion.
People weren't in work dresses or jeans or leggings or shorts.

When my DD and DS graduated,my husband wore a suit with shirt and tie to both ceremonies.
I wore a dress to both.
Looking around the other proud parents ,the majority of men were in suits or chinos with a smart jacket.Most of the women wore dresses or smart trousers.

You don’t want to honour the gravitas by joining in, nor lighten the situation with levity. Got it.

You make it known that ties arent ….” Making it better” in your view. Got it. Thanks.

Tell you what IS essential - tissues. I found it so very emotional to see my child up there after a very challenging few years. I personally loved the people who cheered and waved their kids, and the atmosphere was a perfect blend of enough formality to make it feel like the importance of their achievement was recognised and relaxed enough to feel accessible and enjoyable. A far cry from my own graduation which I remember mostly as in Latin.

@Seeline I dressed smartly for work! I don’t get this idea that everyone looks corporate or wears t shirts every day. Lots of people can, and do, wear day dresses for work.

Wedding smart is usually more glitzy these days. Not that it’s my style. So it might be gold shoes, a fascinator/hat, satin or something that you wear in the evening. I think the Brits are poor at day dressing for a more formal occasion but we have some great high st type brands that make it easy - LK Bennett, Me&Em, Cefinn, Rixo, and loads of others plus anything Princess of Wales would wear. Decent jewellery and bag lifts a well cut shirt dress for example. Kirsty Allsopp wears these all the time. Easy to dress up. Ditto swishy palazzo pants with a silk top. Decent fabrics and a good cut trump cheap looking wedding attire.

I think those suggesting that their idea of celebrating their child’s success is the only acceptable way are just weird.

Lots of the loud whoopers and cheerers are from other cultures ime (and I've worked more graduations than I care to think about)

Ah yes those well known brands 🤣

DS1 went to Warwick, his flatmates were from Singapore, India and China. The families of many international students were in their National dress. Some fabulous outfits to be seen.
We dressed up as much as we would for a wedding, posh frock and suit.

I wouldn’t wear anything cheap looking to a wedding @TizerorFizz
I might wear silk palazzo pants and a lovely top though.
Unlikely to wear things the Princess of Wales would wear at any point though - partly a matter of style, partly of finance.
I rarely wear dresses to work or otherwise, but I did for DDs graduation.

Really? We were positively encouraged to whoop and cheer very loudly, on more than one occasion, by the heads of respective schools and the Chancellor. Not sure what you mean by ‘other cultures’ but there were plenty of UK students and International students, everyone was keeping up the requested ‘noise’ pretty evenly I’d say.

Those brands are unaffordable new for most people, and unknown too.

@ItisIbeserk Unknown? Where have you been? Of course they are not unknown. That’s probably the issue though. Not knowing what a good day brand looks like. Plus people spend shed loads on this day.

Thank God it wasn’t American style graduation at ours - does Oxford do whooping and cheering? Anyone know?

I think the Princess of Wales is a good day dresser. Coat for winter and a dress for summer eg Wimbledon and usually Ascot. I guess I might have worn my silk shift to a wedding but it had black panels so ? Don't go to many weddings but I prefer a day dress and coat or ensemble including trousers. I think the op was really talking about bling wedding outfits. Not a shift dress.

I can't think of anything worse than dressing like the princess of Wales. Anyone wearing a coat dress, fascinator and nude heels would have looked a bit of a prat at the Bristol graduation.

Of course they're obscure to the majority. Most have virtually no high street presence, with the exception of LK Bennett, which is far better known for pointy shoes. They are all well north of £100 for a dress or trousers, or even most of their tops. The majority of people, even those whose children go to university, are not spending that sort of money on clothes. You live in a bubble I'm afraid if those are staple brands. When you ask where I've been, I'd say living a pretty normal life.

I own and wear clothes from one of those brands (Me&Em) but they are increasingly out of my price range. I bet I could ask several friends, with professional jobs and decent incomes, about some of the other brands and not spark recognition. Most of us are buying our clothes secondhand now as it's the best way to get quality at an affordable price, and when you do that, you tend not to risk much on unfamiliar brands.

That’s probably the issue though. Not knowing what a good day brand looks like.

The issue is that people struggle to afford clothes at that price point. For the majority of people, £80-100 on a dress would be a major outlay for a special event. I don't wander around judging anyone on what they wear, so long as they feel like their best selves in it. The dress I wore this week was £25 from TKMaxx, and my sister wore a dress that's probably 15 years old from Principles. My son seemed pretty thrilled to see us and pose for photos with us.

@ItisIbeserk The op asked about being ultra smart and formal. You have no idea what some parents will spend! If they were going for ultra smart it’s not a Primark look is it? If you don’t know brands, you can look them up and the sales are remarkably useful! A clsssy outfit can be won’t more than once. It’s an investment. If this is such a sprcidl day, as people believe it is, invest in it. If not just wear the £50 M&S dress. That is what the majority do in my view but I’ve been shouted down that I’m wrong and everyone looks like a wedding guest. Now you are saying they don’t and cannot afford to look like that! So which is it?

I'm sure you look lovely Tizer but obviously not everyone likes or can afford those brands. I don't have any of those brands in my wardrobe but still manage to look put together.

At Bristol all the parents looked fab as they were all beaming with pride. A fair few bohos who looked expensively dishevelled!

Um, I'm saying that the reality of life right now is that lots of people simply can't afford to invest even if they want to, or that £50 might actually represent an investment to quite a lot of people. Probably quite a few people attending graduations don't go to a lot of events requiring an investment other than, perhaps, weddings...

That is what the majority do in my view but I’ve been shouted down that I’m wrong and everyone looks like a wedding guest. Now you are saying they don’t and cannot afford to look like that! So which is it?

Sorry, I really don't mean to sound snitty, but I genuinely don't understand this question. It may be an argument you're having with other posters. At the graduation I went to, the general sense from the parents and families around me was that everyone was so thrilled for the graduands, and that they had dressed up a bit in whatever that meant to them. I suspect the cost of outfits ranged wildly from what you would consider investment to people wearing the very nicest thing they'd seen in H&M, but they all looked appropriately invested in the event and thrilled to be there.

@ItisIbeserk The reality for most parents with student dc is that they can and do. They pay more for a dinner afterwards and a present! Not everyone is poor. If you are, there’s borrowing from friends etc. My DM went to a jumble sale.

This reads like parody, but I fear it isnt.

My son got a pub lunch and no gift. He ate an enormous steak and told us how glad he was to have had our support.

I think you're talking about your circle of people, which is not the majority. I think asking posters where they've been if they say most people haven't heard of a handful of fairly niche brand names sounds awful to be honest. I think most people aren't judging others at an event like this on whether they're wearing expensive clothes. The shared pride was almost tangible at ours. I genuinely couldn't tell you what most people were wearing.