AIBU to think parents don’t need to be ultra smart/ formal for graduation ceremonies?

[MimiGC]

Our son is graduating from UWE next week. He’s wearing a suit and tie, as are his friends. I think smart casual is fine for parents, but DH thinks formal wear for parents is required and is planning on wearing a suit and tie himself. Grateful for Mumsnetters experiences- who has been to a graduation ceremony recently and what were parents wearing?

My son graduated from a RG uni .2 ceremonies. Bachelor and masters. All dressed for a wedding. I can't wear heels.had a smart pair of Mary Jane's and a psh frock! All Dad's in formal gear.its one day to mark their hard work and achievements. Both times .Do him proud OP!

Surely no one cares what someone's mum is wearing it should be about the graduates.

No one can refuse entry to watch your child’s graduation based on clothing!

It's a private event so the university can choose who to admit.

It would be churlish to refuse admittance to "inappropriately" dressed parents but if a dress code has been publicised in advance and parents choose to flout it eg by wearing jeans and trainers, the university wouldn't be acting illegally by saying that they can't come in.

I graduated recently as a mature student at a very well respected ancient university. My DH wore a suit but no tie, DM wore wide leg trousers and a t shirt, DD wore a long denim skirt and vest top and her OH wore chinos and a polo shirt. The latter two wore trainers. No one batted an eye. There was such a huge variation in guest clothing from full on wedding smart to dressed down relaxed. It was a very hot day and people really had to dress to take the heat into account and be comfortable.

The Barbican last Monday so 30 degrees in London. I would say less than 10% of dad's were in suits. Smart summer casual was absolutely fine.

The last thing graduations need is added gravitas. They are boring enough as it is.

I think this is nonsense. It's nothing like a jon interview. You are not being judged or graded or chosen if you are going to watch someone else graduate,

I didn’t get the impression the Cathedral staff were vetting the queue in Durham last week. Some extended family and friends were allowed to fill the side seating after all the booked ticket holders were allowed in and there were plenty of jeans and trainers in that cohort (understandable, as if you aren’t sure there will be space for you why would you dress up).

I graduated from a non RG university 35 years ago and was recently looking through some photos at my parents’ house. The same range of outfits among the attendees there as Durham last week!

If I had a child who was ashamed of how I dressed I’d probably wonder where we’d gone wrong in the values we’d brought them up with!

RG uni - women in summer dresses, some with funky trainers (me! Recovering from a foot injury). Dads all smart, some suits and ties. Dh had a suit and tie but took the tie off after the actual ceremony and lots had suits and no ties.

Jeans would have looked very out of place but whatever floats your boat. Some men never grew out of the too cool for school phase!

It’s the opportunity to get the formal family picture with professional photographer so it makes sense to go in your Sunday best

We've been to two graduations for our daughters....wore a smart dress and husband wore his suit

I live in Brighton, with two universities we have a lot. Very formal occasions then photo shoots at the landmarks and afternoon tea somewhere seems to be how the day pans out.

Just back from our daughter’s. Husband and other dads in a suit and women in smart dresses. Lovely formal photos taken. You can wear what you want and need to feel comfy. But smart is good.

A few students wore trainers. It jarred a bit to look at, but I guess that’s why they did it!

It’s been a while since we have been dressed up as a family. And my son got rid of his hoodie to dress up for his sister’s graduation. I was surprised at how great we all look in the formal family photos! I might insist we do this daily 😏

@TizerorFizz as I said upthread, my DS graduated from UWE last year and the vast majority of men were in suits, or at least formal trousers and blazer. Nearly all women were in summer dresses. Or families were dressed according to their cultural heritage. It was very much a dress up occasion!

This reminds me of something my late MIL used to say, apparently a piece of advice once passed to her when she was young about how to dress.

It's not always appropriate to be smart , but it is always smart to be appropriate.

I think in the case of the graduation being smart is the appropriate thing.

Graduation Dress Codes

As I told my mother when I graduated it is more important than a wedding day because it's more of an achievement. As pretty much everyone has said it's a formal daytime celebration and you should dress appropriately, and for most people the closest approximation would be a wedding (but without a hat) so the OP's update of her outfit sounds fine.

Having graduated from both a Scottish ancient University and Oxford, at both the students wear dark clothes underneath their gowns, the parents wear suits or smart day dresses and some of the academics let the side down by (in a few cases, Tom Paulin I'm thinking of you) by dressing incredibly scruffily. But that is very much in the same vein as 'you can tell who is really posh because they have 4 holes in their jumper, wear smelly trousers and dirty wellies and drive a battered up Land Rover', the academics who didn't bother to dress up were using their clothes to signal that it wasn't an unusual occasion for them.

If someone hasn't been to a graduation before and is asking for advice, it is cruel to pretend it doesn't matter, if you were at your first graduation celebration and were underdressed in comparison to the other guests because you had been told it didn't matter you would feel embarassed and like you don't belong and nobody should feel like that, particularly when everyone is there celebrating the same achievement by their children.

I would do what is appropriate in your family. It’s your family experience not someone else’s vision of what shows pride or respect. Be comfortable in your right to be there as yourself. I hope by the time most parents are attending their child’s graduation they are secure enough in their own worth to prioritise their own choices over “keeping up” with some perceived expectation. I’ve been to MANY graduations and can’t say what I wore was in any way the focus.

Dressed smart is usual but not compulsory. Surely you want some nice photos with your dc though. We dressed smart for our own and our dc’s graduation.

i don’t think dressing casually makes things less boring. Unless you are thinking parents should wear comedic costumes for levity?

We attended graduation this week. I wore a long summer dress and sandals (and at the last minute a jacket as it was raining torrentially and I didn't want to sit in the ceremony looking like I'd entered a wet t-shirt competition) and DH wore a linen shirt and trousers as he realised late in the day he didn't own a suit jacket he could comfortably wear on a sticky hot day - he bought a linen jacket off Vinted as we sat waiting for the ceremony to start.

I just went to look online at the graduation FAQs and there is no mention of a dress code. We instinctively went for smartish but the majority of men were in suits and the majority of women looked like me. Having said that, I wouldn't really notice anyone dressed more casually and there were certainly other men without suits on, as well as the national dress others have mentioned.

I'd say hats would have been deeply unpopular as they would have blocked views. I can't see they would have added any at all to the occasion.

It's a special occasion, so I don't see why you wouldn't want to wear something nice/special. Doesn't have to be super formal, but why dress like any other day, when it's a special day?

My dad wore a suit and my mom a nice dress - most people's parents did. They don't own a lot of winter wear (they live in a hot country and our grad was in Nov) so they did have big puffy jackets on outside 😆

One of my friend's mom's turned up in jeans, seemed bored, impatient with the whole thing. Like she had a just finished work and was at a parent teacher conference or something. I felt sad for my friend. She put on a brave face but I know she was disappointed.

Do you think everyone dressing up is trying to keep up with the Jones's? Looking nice doesn't have to be super formal. Yes everyone should 'be themselves' but it's a celebration...surely most parents would be secure enough to not need to make stubborn pronouncements about 'who they are' on their child's special day.