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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask dh not to take Class A drugs a week before blood tests for recurrent miscarriage?

145 replies

OffTheCoffee · 26/05/2008 19:14

Will it screw up the results of his blood test?

He hardly ever takes any drugs but would need to in order to survive a festival, apparently.

I haven't mentioned it yet. What should I say?

OP posts:
pootleflump · 26/05/2008 19:26

Sounds like he needs to grow up before having children.

Rachmumoftwo · 26/05/2008 19:28

Try telling him he is being an arse and needs to grow up? What is more important to him after all? You don't need to take drugs to enjoy a festival ffs.
I don't know the medical technicalities, but what if it does show up? It will hardly look like he is trying, while I bet you are pulling out all the stops for the chance for a baby.

Original poster
OffTheCoffee · 26/05/2008 19:31

I know what you mean - when you see it written down it's pretty obvious. I think they all just let rip once a year and he just gets caught up in the whole "I'm with the boys" thing.

He doesn't drink any alcohol and eats healthily. He's normally so sensible...

So you've answered my question - I'm not being unreasonable to ask him not to!!

OP posts:
CoteDAzur · 26/05/2008 20:54

Which drug are we talking about?

DirtySexyMummy · 26/05/2008 21:01

First of all, taking drugs as an occassional recreational activity is not as big a deal to some people as it is to others, so the comments about him needing to 'grow up' etc are fairly irrelevant, IMO. There is far too much judgy-judgyness on here about 'alternative' lifestyles.

Why is your DH being asked to take a blood test?
What kind of drugs is he planning on taking?

AbbeyA · 26/05/2008 21:18

I don't think you should even think about becoming a parent if you are taking 'recreational' drugs.

CoteDAzur · 26/05/2008 21:21

Abbey - That is like saying people going out and getting drunk once in a while shouldn't be parents

I think that remark is a bit insensitive given the reason why OP & her DH are to have these tests.

MrsTittleMouse · 26/05/2008 21:23

The trouble isn't necessarily that the drugs will be in his system and that they will be detected. Even if they're not, anything that he does 30 days before the test could really screw up his sperm. I know that drugs both legal and illegal are bad for sperm production (i.e. caffeine and alcohol as well), and it would be really bad if his tests threw up a red herring that prevented the doctors from finding the real reason for you miscarriages.

Sorry that you're going through this, by the way. I do hope that you find some answers.

verylittlecarrot · 26/05/2008 21:25

YANBU

AbbeyA · 26/05/2008 21:25

Alcohol is not illegal. Class A drugs are illegal, they cause misery to people in the countries that produce them. They cause misery to people caught up in the illegal trade and line the pockets of drug barons.Is it worth it to chemically alter your brain for a bit of 'fun'?

Eelpie · 26/05/2008 21:29

TBH you should both do what is "normal" for you. If he only does it once or twice a year then he should abstain. If it is regular then it is useful for the dr to know that otherwise your tests will be flawed.

Same with drinking or smoking etc. Giving up just as you have to have tests is useless, you might as well not have the tests.

I hope I don't sound too hard. But the reality is that you need to know the truth now.

Thomcat · 26/05/2008 21:32

I don't think he has any growing up to do if he indulges in a bit of class a action now and then. Nowt wrong with that imo. I know plenty of sensible people that indulge every now and then. But if it could jepodise an important blood test he should not go to the festival. This is important.

(ps you are going to get a lot of people telling you he shouldn';t be having kids at all if he indulges now and then - prepare!)

Sidge · 26/05/2008 21:33

A blood test will only show up drugs like speed, heroin, coke etc if they are specifically looking for them.

But then chemicals (including class A, B and C drugs) can bugger up normal blood values too so yes it may affect his blood results.

I would be more worried about the effects of drugs on his swimmers if you are trying to get pregnant, so if they are wanting to do a sperm analysis it may be affected too.

I hope you get some answers soon.

cheesesarnie · 26/05/2008 21:35

yanbu.

AbbeyA · 26/05/2008 21:38

I don't think anyone in the west should be taking drugs in a selfish way with no care of what it is doing to the poor people of Columbia, Peru etc

"Cocaine kills Colombians, it hurts Colombians and massively destroys the environment," Colombia's Vice President Francisco Santos said at the opening of the campaign in Trafalgar Square.
'Every gram of cocaine you inhale destroys four square meters of rainforest," he added.

Not only are three hectares of rainforest cleared for every one hectare of coca plants, but the chemicals used in the cultivation of the plants and the production of the drug also cause major water pollution.

"The real price of cocaine is not just among communities and on the streets here, but in communities and on the streets of Colombia," said British Home Office Minister Vernon Coaker.

The campaign says 2.2 million hectares of forest have been cleared for cocaine production, adding that the wholesale destruction not only puts at risk the lives of thousands of ordinary Colombians but also vast quantities of wildlife'.

You only have to google cocaine and pollution to get horrifying facts.

umberella · 26/05/2008 21:38

You're not being unreasonable.

I'm for you that he hasn't had enough consideration for you to think of this himself!

It may be unpopular to say so, but I agree with the posters who are saying that class A drugs should not have a place in the life of a parent.

And I am not 'judgey' for thinking so. In fact I am someone with a fairly 'alternative' lifestyle myself...I just wouldn't consider indulging my own selfish (& risky) predilections at the expense of the feelings of loved ones acceptable.

Given the nature of these tests you are both going to be having, it is particularly inappropriate.

LobstersLass · 26/05/2008 21:40

Overlooking the fact that it's illegal, selfish and generally not a good idea...here's the information you asked for.

Coke 4 days, greater with heavy use
Speed 2 days
E 2-3 days
Heroin 2 days
PCP 7 days

If he was my husband I would ask him not to.

Thomcat · 26/05/2008 21:48

Is it coke he's planning on taking????
More likely to be E or MDMA at a festival isn't it????

Veraduckworthshandbag · 26/05/2008 21:57

you really want to have a child with this person, god help you and more to the point god help any child you might have.

Daddy might drop dead from a bad hit one day, and that is the least of your worrys.

Sometimes things happen for a reason.

People who tke drugs should not be thinking of having children until they are clean and sober.

Thomcat · 26/05/2008 22:03

Told you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hunkermunker · 26/05/2008 22:08

I find the "I was wiv my mates and they made me do it" line deeply unattractive - I'd expect that if DH had a blood test that had such important ramifications he would be adult about what he put into his body in the time leading up to it.

If he couldn't manage not to because of a bit of peer pressure, I'd be a bit about it, really.

Not getting into the whole "parents shouldn't take drugs/risks of any sort" thing though. People don't stop being people because they become parents - although it's clearly not great to continue a seriously dodgy lifestyle once you're a parent (not least because being a decent parent with eg regular stonking hangovers is really, really hard!).

conniedom · 26/05/2008 22:09

Dh work regularly do drugs and alcohol tests.
Cocaine - 4 days for non regular user 10 days for regular.
Ecstasy - 3 days or 9 days
Heroin - 3 days or 9 days
Weed - 7 days or 3 weeks
Speed - 2 days or 9 days

bluemousemummy · 26/05/2008 22:15

V interesting thread. I stopped taking anything a few months before we started trying, dh had a few heavy nights whilst I was pregnant but nothing since ds came along. The conversation has never come up tbh, but I suppose we both felt that it wouldn't be appropriate to continue our old lifestyle now we have a child.

Anyway this is not really about the moral issues of drug taking is it, but about whether he should be taking stuff when you are trying to conceive.. which I would agree he probably shouldn't be if you have had several mc's. If he was really ready to be a father he should be trying to do everything possible to make sure you don't have to go through the hell of mc again. You need to have a serious talk.

QuintessentialShadows · 26/05/2008 22:19

I am so totally against drugs you wont believe it. Right now there is a 21 year old woman in prison together with her 2 year old dd and her friends of 17 and 18 years old, for trying to smuggle 22 1/2 kg cocaine out of Bolivia, claiming they have been tricked. Imagine that, a 2 year old girl in a Bolivian prison, with her mum, for the sake of cocaine.

YANBU

conniedom · 26/05/2008 22:22

btw if you have taken anything ie. painkillers/sleeping tablets/cough medicine you should tell them.